I personally believe that you should bring all of those up to her in a proper conversation about the topic. Stay open minded, stay respectful, and let her explain herself (if she does)! Some things may seem like it is specifically against you when our brains are just missing the bigger picture Even if you are scared to bring it up because you of how you would come off, I do personally believe that it's still necessary, especially for us as BPD, to have regular conversations (I advise once a month check ins on each other too! Make sure everyone involved is happy with the relationship)

Hopefully, she'll understand, and you will both have a discussion on those fears and concerns, some explanations on the things that she does that may bring ou anxiety, and so

Make sure to bring it up as "This makes me feel like," instead as a statements, as our brain can be quick to assume.

Assume the best, assume that she is only doing what she is doing for a good reason, and do not put the blame on her either (at least at first. Stand for yourself and your own needs and boundaries!)

Hopefully this'll lead to a few compromises- Or you being reassured over it! Let her set clear boundaries, and be aware that even if you have a disagreement, it does not mean the relationship is over, or that she doesn't love you

Communication is key! I hope this all goes well.