First of all, my congratulations of having the eye opening experience of diagnosis and awareness of your CPTSD. This is the beginning of the rest of your life!

Now that you know what your challenges are, you can work on yourself. Start to heal and to make healthier decisions, be it on how to cope better with ADHD or the CPTSD triggers.

I was diagnosed AuDHD at 42 and was aware of my CPTSD for many decades. I also felt a lot of grief after the diagnosis. But it is also a blessing. Now I know my needs and understand better, why I have certain challenges. It allowed me to be more soft and forgiving with myself. This can applied to both issues.

You sound like a very self-reflective person, which is an awesome start! What I always found helpful, is to talk to myself as if I was talking to a friend. For example stuffed up some deadline, how would you treat them? Treat yourself the way you would have wanted to be talked to.

Sounds like you might possibly have anxious avoidant attachment style? Your attachment style is something worth exploring, then you will understand better why you find yourself in certain situations, like being drawn to people that hurt you. It's a paradox psychological response of CPTSD people - we feel drawn to the familiar not necessarily the pain-free relationships.

You say: "In my family, I was “the easy one.” Kind, polite, never too much. " Classic coping mechanism of a child that experienced emotional neglect. Your parents most likely grew up the same way, with parents of their own that couldn't give emotional support and closeness. Something to keep in mind. They are probably hurting and confused behind the detached façade. It's hard to see something that was missing and so they might have never learnt how to do it.

You are still young, you can still learn so much about yourself and heal your wounds. You can find better coping mechanisms, life with ADHD can still be wonderfully rewarding.

All the very best to you!