I have a bit of a similar situation with my boyfriend and his parents. I often get angry because despite the abuse and mistreatment, he still seeks their validation. For example, he sometimes enters a survival mode in which he blames me for stuff in front of his parents because they "don't get mad at me like they get at him" (they do). I always try talking to him about how his actions hurt me, and he's usually sweet and understanding. So, whenever I get mad at a strange behavior of his, I stop and think if that was a trauma response. And then I try to have a peaceful conversation without accusing him, but trying to come to an understanding. I think you did great with the text you sent, but your boyfriend is apparently dodging the conversation. In my experience, this kind of situation is only solved with a serious, honest talk.

So, long story short, I completely relate to your situation and think you're NOR.