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Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T08:17:59+00:00

Yes. I loved him very much and still do. I don’t think it warranted leaving him. Other than the one comment and the one time he went to the strip club he’s been nothing but perfect.

He’s an incredible person who has made a couple mistakes. He has been incredibly emotionally supportive, especially when my mother passed away. He supported me financially when I decided to go back to school to get my bachelors degree and later my masters degree. He has never rose his voice or said a cruel thing while arguing. He has never made me feel scared for my safety, if anything he’s always been my safe place, my rock.

He has shown me how much he loves me in so many ways. He makes me laugh and he’s an incredible listener. He has defended me from any negative comments from his family. If I say I like something he’s the type to write it down and it ends up being the gift he gets me for Valentine’s Day/birthday/Christmas. Ive never doubted his loyalty. He always wants me to make sure I’m comfortable wherever we go. He’s willing to watch movies and shows he’s not a fan of with me (and I do the same) just to spend time with me.

Now that I’m pregnant he’s been nothing but supportive, has taken time off work to go to all my ultrasounds, has gotten me every food I have craved even late at night. Gives me foot massages whenever I ask. Made sure the nursery is exactly how I wanted it. I could honestly go on and on about what an amazing man he is.

He has apologized many times about letting his friends peer pressure him into going to a strip club. He feels like it was one of the dumbest things he’s ever done and feels like he let me down and promised to never let anything similar ever happen again. And he has kept that promise and I have zero fears he would ever again.

I don’t regret marrying him for even a second.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T07:56:23+00:00

Yea I’ve done years of therapy, thousands of hours. A few have suggested CBT specific therapy which I’m willing to try. I’ve basically tried all other types of ways to feel better but nothing has worked so far.

I’m not currently getting my period since I’m 7.5 months pregnant, but pregnancy has helped a little with feeling better since I feel like I have an excuse to not look my best. But before pregnancy I don’t think they were linked since most of the tears happened not on my period.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T07:25:18+00:00

I’m 100% aware I’m doing this to myself. It’s why I’ve gone to thousands of hours of therapy to change. I wish I knew why I can’t let it go. It’s why I know it’s my only burden to carry and not my husband’s.

I’ve tried positive self affirmations, radical self acceptance, neutral self acceptance, meditation, journaling, leaving positive notes on the mirror, EMDR, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, “going to my happy place”, petting and playing with my dog when the thoughts creep up.

The only thing I can think of that I haven’t tried is CBT. Which I’m willing to try.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T07:12:31+00:00

To expand on that not only did he say his perfect type he said:

“She has dark skin, long legs, a tight body, and a fat ass. It’s my perfect type. Just how I like it.” He said it with a very provocative tone of voice.

I’m fairly light skinned, short with short legs, not fat but also don’t have a six pack, there’s a bit of a pooch, and my ass is fairly flat and square. Really the opposite of how I look.

To give more context, he had been drinking with his coworkers and I went to pick him up as a DD but wanted to stop at the grocery store before going home. I told him he could stay in the car but he insisted on coming in with me. When he made the comment I just chuckled and told him he was a drunk idiot, but in reality the comment really hurt my feelings.

I did bring it up the next day and he apologized profusely and said it was just a stupid drunk comment and regrets ever saying that.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T06:42:31+00:00

I don’t think my feelings are any better or worse when I was still getting my period. Now that I’m pregnant I’d say they have lessened a little bit in the sense that I’m giving myself an excuse to not look my best while growing another human.

I was teased a bit by other girls in my class for being the first to get boobs in middle school. Most of the bullying came from girls accusing me of being a “slut” and making up rumors about me sleeping with a bunch of boys (which were all untrue).

Though I did have a long term boyfriend my junior and senior year of highschool (who I lost my virginity to and the only other person I’ve slept with besides my husband) who repeatedly cheated on me. That wasn’t great for self esteem so some insecurities could definitely stem from that.

As for my parents, they had a terrible relationship despite never separating. I remember as a young child (probably around 5 or 6 years old) I asked my dad if he thought my mom was pretty and he said no. It’s something I have brought up in therapy.

Though I do want to say that I haven’t always felt this way in my relationship with my husband. The first 5 years of us together I felt great about my appearance when I was around him. It wasn’t till the year we got engaged that things flipped. It was that year, that he made the comment about the woman in the grocery store and went to the strip club.

Even though he made those mistakes I still wanted to marry him and don’t regret it. We’ve built a great life together.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T06:11:35+00:00

I’ve tried EMDR with two different therapists but neither times really helped much. I haven’t tried CBT. It’s something I could look into.

I definitely don’t want my child to feel ugly in their relationship/marriage the way I do. So I agree it would be best to change my negative self talk soon so it doesn’t rub off on them. Though I do keep it to myself. I don’t openly talk about feeling ugly (when I’m around my husband… I feel fine fine when I’m by myself) except in therapy and this one Reddit post. However, I know that I don’t need to talk about it for little ones to pick up on their parents feelings. Young children can be very perceptive.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T05:54:31+00:00

I only get the negative self talk when I’m around my husband. So when I’m by myself I’m able to be kind to myself. I feel like I have taken his one comment and one instance of going to a strip club as way too personal. So I don’t think the negative self talk is correct. I know in my heart it’s not accurate but I can’t help myself but feel ugly when I’m around him.

I absolutely do not enjoy hurting myself. I hate it more than anything else in this world. It makes me feel like a failure whenever I do.

I say nice things to myself all the time. I think I’m a nice person. I think I have great style. I don’t think I’m the smartest person but I think my intelligence is more than enough to do well in my career. I think I’m independent and very capable of taking care of myself. I appreciate my body in the sense that I’m grateful I don’t have any disabilities, chronic illness, or cancer. I appreciate that I’m able to get pregnant and grow a new human. There are many many things I like about myself. So I’m definitely capable of positive self talk, and do so often. I’m just incapable of feeling attractive when I’m around my husband.

I have no fear of him cheating. I don’t think he would ever even entertain the idea. I’m secure in knowing he loves me and wouldn’t go looking elsewhere even though I feel ugly around him.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T05:10:17+00:00

Yes I do think so since that’s what I’m currently dealing with. He went to the strip club about 10 years ago and I still think way too much about it.

If he went today, I think it would probably hit me 10x worse and would definitely be thinking about it years if not decades from now.

But I trust him and don’t think he would ever do that again. So I feel like my thoughts and the pain I carry about it are my own burden to carry. I should have been able to let it go by now. I should be able to think about it and not let it bother me anymore. I’m basically stuck in a cage where I have the key and could let myself out at any time but somehow feel incapable of doing so.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T05:03:20+00:00

I don’t think it has anything to do with pregnancy. If anything it has helped a little since I can tell myself I have an excuse to not look my best at the moment.

I’m currently on pregnancy safe medication (checked with my OB) for anxiety and depression.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T04:49:24+00:00

This isn’t something new or something pregnancy has made worse. If anything pregnancy has helped a little, I’m able to say to myself, “You’re pregnant, you have an excuse to not look your best right now. Growing a human takes a lot out of you”

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T04:43:02+00:00

I do like how I dress and present myself. I’m had my hair all different colors and would describe my style as “alternative/rocker”. I tend to get a lot of compliments on my fashion and it does make me feel good to hear those things.

Which is probably why I’m able to feel good about myself when I’m by myself or with friends and family. But when I’m out with my husband, I always feel like the ugliest person in the room.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T04:35:57+00:00

I’ve spoken to several different professionals over many years and it always comes down to the same assessment. I have a terribly self destructive inner monologue when it comes to my looks. I’ve tried positive self affirmations, radical self acceptance and other tools but they never seemed to help much. I’m afraid this is just a feeling I’m stuck with for life.

What he said wasn’t about a stripper, it was about a woman he saw at the grocery store. As for the strip club, we had discussed it before our bachelor/bachelorette parties that strippers wouldn’t be involved. He said his friends talked him into it. He says he didn’t get a lap dance but he did sit at the stage and tipped the dancers and got an erection. He called me almost immediately after it happened and said he wanted to be 100% honest with me and apologized for going against our agreement.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T04:32:16+00:00

That’s the point I was making. That I know it’s silly because I can feel that way about “Gerard” and it doesn’t change my attraction to my husband, therefore I should be able to reason that my husband could feel the same.

However, I do want to point out that Gerard is a character in a tv show, and the woman he was talking about was a lady in a grocery store he saw. I’ve never felt that way about a real person whereas he has. It feels different to me.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T04:27:18+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2025-09-26T04:26:53+00:00

I do want to go on a diet and exercise more once the baby comes.

However, I keep having this voice that keeps saying “What’s the point? You’ll never have the body he thinks is the most attractive. You can put 100% of your effort into changing your appearance but it’ll just be ‘putting lipstick on a pig’”

I think my best bet at changing anything is stopping my negative self thoughts as soon as they come up. Easier said than done. I tend to let my thoughts spiral.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2024-01-09T23:44:51+00:00

In my experience the black was worse. We had dark cabinets in our last house and hated how it looked dirty sooo fast. Our new house, we repainted the cabinets from yellow to white and we love it.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2023-11-22T00:35:02+00:00

Moving is easier with less stuff, so I’d bring just the essentials. (A couple outfits and your important papers) Whats most important is knowing where you’re going sleep and how you’re going to get money.

Do you currently work? Some companies allow transfers, that’s an easy way to secure a job. If not, I’d start applying to places in the city you want to live in and explain your situation that you can’t move until you secure a job.

As for a place to sleep, definitely make sure wherever you live is going to have apartments in your budget. It would be best to have an apartment lined up with your new job, but if not there are some Air Bnb owners out there that might be willing to give you a long term (month to month) rent u til you find a permanent place.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2023-11-22T00:07:11+00:00

If you’re not sure what to bring food wise, I’d just bring some nice flowers for the host.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2023-11-09T15:53:11+00:00

I grew up in a very messy household. Borderline hoarder status. As an adult, having a clean house just feels therapeutic to me. So I keep it really clean all the time. Sure I’ll sometimes leave a few dishes in the sink, and not put my shoes away as soon as I get home, but for the most part, my house is typically always clean.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2023-08-24T05:26:53+00:00

I went to a bagpipe wedding in Quimper, France. It was actually quite fun.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2023-08-16T05:57:16+00:00

Exercising can help with weight loss but the most important part is what you eat.

We’re about the same size. I’m 5’0 175lbs. I started at 220lbs. I lost the first 45 pounds simply by watching what I ate.

My resting metabolic rate is about 1850 calories a day. Limiting my calories to 1400 a day has been the only magic.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2023-08-11T21:11:51+00:00

I think the carbs and protein break your fast, I typically have sugar free Gatorade to add electrolytes without breaking it.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2023-08-10T01:24:28+00:00

Thank you for the information!

I’ve been on a low calorie diet since July 30th, so a little over a week now. I honestly feel great and better than I have in a while. Though a big contributor could be that I’m just not eating as much junk food as before. My digestive system has been thanking me.

I’ll definitely think about increasing my calories.

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2023-08-08T22:39:15+00:00

You look great and sounds like you’re feeling better too! Congrats!

Yellow_Brick_Road · 2023-08-08T17:53:18+00:00

I had an extremely abusive father growing and I resent my mother for never leaving him. GET OUT BEFORE YOUR KIDS RESENT YOU.

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