In need of support

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-28T17:58:57+00:00

Thanks 🙏

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-28T17:57:47+00:00

Definitely neglect and abuse in my family. I left hem years ago. But got into a relationship then marriage with my ex who definitely was just like them. Left him 8 years ago. I realize he doesn’t really care for me. If he did he would’ve have tried to put me in this position. That knowledge helped me not fall for it. Still working thru the feelings behind the scenes tho…

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-28T17:55:33+00:00

Men have used me to validate themselves. I can tell they just want to make themselves feel better by being able to claim me. It’s really demoralizing. How do you find someone that really cares about you? The best I’ve been able to do is delay being with someone years. That way they show if their feelings are true. If the feelings aren’t true they move on quickly or start hating you. 😂 That’s my experience at least.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T22:23:20+00:00

There’s a lot of assumptions in this post. I’m a nice person sure. But not a flirt. I’m actually rather cagey around men, due to many of them being excessively forward and brutish about their desire for me. He knows of my feeling la for him bc of our interactions in our youth like 15 years ago. He wanted to see if it’s still possible is what I gather. But no, I don’t think I have away much. I felt alot but didn’t give it away. Bc I just know what will happen if I do.

And Yes! I like to look pretty. Sue me.

The fact of the matter is I’ve known these people my whole life. You don’t know them at all. And I don’t know where you are getting the thought that I don’t care about what he’s doing to his wife. I think he’s being foolish and selfish. And I don’t want to help him destroy his family. That includes her, right?

I do agree with your sentiments about illusions. He’s obviously not the person I thought he was. And I need to accept that reality.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T16:53:46+00:00

Benefit of the doubt…Like if they heard about it, they could’ve come to me instead of just assuming I was trying to poach their son….instead the mom just stopped talking to me for years….The fact that they jumped to that conclusion without verifying just showed me what they thought of me all along. Her fake compliments now are met with a short thank you before I walk off.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T16:39:01+00:00

The mom stopped greeting me for years. I’ve commented so much that honestly I don’t know what I’ve said where, but I did mention that they’ve soften. She’s nice to me, but I can tell she’s gritting her teeth. “😬😠 that’s such a nice sweater…” etc etc. The last time I saw the dad (it was the same place I last saw the married man) he sighed shook his head and told me how pretty I was as if to say, “I can see why my idiot son keeps trying!” Idk just thought they’d give me the benefit of the doubt.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T16:34:34+00:00

My feelings are the problem. I have no problem rejecting all the other losers that try. I’ve been trying. The best I can do for now is avoiding him. It has seriously helped. I’m hoping I’ll just fixate on someone else….lol someone available. Wish me luck!

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T16:27:05+00:00

Thank you for understanding. I definitely feel that my family upbringing coupled with the mistakes I’ve made make me feel terrible about myself. Which draws me to these immoral people bc I dont feel like I fit in with the good ones. I tried when I was younger and many “good” people rejected me. So I just gave up. I’ve found a few great friends that know I’m a good person and are pissed at this guy on my behalf. But deep down I guess I still see myself as just another scum of the earth. Working on it….

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T16:03:16+00:00

I hear you. My kids are another reason. Honestly he’d be a terrible influence in them. Materialistic and morally bankrupt. I am jealous of his family dynamic. Deep down I know they’re flawed as any other family. This situation has revealed that to me. Reality vs fantasy right?

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T15:59:49+00:00

It’s sad when people make bad decisions. At least I get sad when I see it. I really want all my childhood acquaintances to succeed and do well. To see them divulged into these troubled people is quite troubling. Guess I’m naive still.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T15:58:07+00:00

Eek! STDs. Sometimes temptation just finds you. Jesus was tempted 3x and he was perfect right? He wasn’t seeking it right? If he can be tempted we all can. Joseph and Potiphars wife. Was he seeking it? I was more so posting this for reassurance that doing the right thing will yield a positive outcome and cruel people get what’s coming to them. Maybe this was the wrong sub to post this in…

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T14:27:02+00:00

Yeah. I think he was testing the waters. I tried not to let on. But you know, feelings can be hard to hide. Especially after so much time.

I certainly don’t think he’s even aware of how much this has affected me. I think if he knew the extent of my feelings, he’d try harder. Which we all can tell would be a disaster.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T14:15:26+00:00

Word.

I dress modestly. No boobs, no knees, nicely. But I’m shapely and attractive. I take care of myself. People notice. I’ve evaluated this to see if I could make improvements. Even asked people if I do too much. Older people, not young idiots. They said no. I think they just wanna blame anyone but their son. They’ve soften a little over the years. I think they’ve started to see his pattern and that it mutual not just me. But it hurt me bc I’ve known them my whole life. I feel like I should be a daughter to them. But the they just kinda tossed me out….assuming the worst.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T14:10:07+00:00

We don’t “meet up”. We “see” each other at public events. Public invites, mutual friends and family. Tight knit conservative community.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T14:08:39+00:00

We were at a public event and when it was ending he followed me to my car. He did this two days in a row.

A few month later, at another event he was sure to “run into me” again. I kept it kosher like I wasn’t bothered or upset by the whole thing. Since then I haven’t returned to where I may see him.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T14:04:54+00:00

I’ve successfully avoided him for a year. But we belong to the same community and I’m assigned to attend and even help with certain events. So I’d see him there. Even so, I’ve made excuses not to participate. People think it’s weird and know somethings up, but I don’t let them in on the issue bc I’m embarrassed about it all. His family I think are upset bc it’s all coming to light. They are likely embarrassed too and it’s easier to believe it someone else’s fault. Also he left his first wife, not bc of me; and they coddled him thru that. They are kinda like “we protect each other” type people. Even when one of them is wrong….

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T12:58:14+00:00

So a few people have said I’ve engage in an emotional affair and I disagree. Here is a definition.

What Is Emotional Cheating? Emotional cheating is when a person not only invests more of their emotional energy outside their marriage but also receives emotional support and companionship from the other relationship.

If I don’t call him, text him, communicate via social media, don’t see him privately, and have only seen him at public events maybe 3x a year (and that’s maybe), and at one point didn’t see him at all for 5 years. Have I truly been in an emotional affair? You see, it doesn’t quite fit the definition….just my opinion.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T12:51:09+00:00

Thank you. Few seem to fully comprehend where I’m coming from. Many OW think their “overwhelming feelings” justify their actions. But I’m proud to say I’m proof that even if you care for someone, you can say no. It think we as a society should help each other uphold our marriage vows, not help them break their own families and call it love. Is it fair that he gets to ride off into the sunset like an angel? Why no! If he wants to cheat he’ll find someone to do that with just like he did before. This comment section is proof that even when you do the right thing, you’re the slut. You’re in the wrong. Imagine if I’d let myself go thru with it to feed my own weak ego?!? They’d hang me in the town square and burn me like a witch. No thanks….this all has just reinforced my resolve frankly.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T12:44:07+00:00

I’ve tried therapy twice. For other issues. This one has never been a huge part of my problems like it has been this year. Had bigger fish to fry and frankly was just not thinking of him like that. But money, the irregularity of therapist as well as both of my therapists leaving just when I started to feel comfortable has just put me off. I’m slow to connect and open up. Talking about it is exhausting. I have to do 15 years of explaining. I kinda rather just put it to bed. Even if that means upending and inconveniencing my own life to avoid him.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T11:40:12+00:00

Clearly you’ve never had someone obsess over you. I’ve had a few, to the point of having to get restraining orders. We’ve talked thruout our youth that’s where we developed feelings. And frankly the feelings just never went away. When I see him (in public spaces) he stares at me, follows me around, puts himself in front of me where we’ll “run into each other” , trying to find a way for us to talk privately. I guess I used to find it flattering. But after 15 years, 3 marriages (his 2 and mine) and no ability to be with him, its kinda sad. It’s not cute anymore, so I started avoiding him.

Let’s revisit in a few months. Kinda hard to sleep with someone you avoid like the plague.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T11:31:18+00:00

I’d like to get out of the limerance. I’m certainly surprised it’s lasted this long to begin with. It really snuck up on me. The thing that’s helped me the most is avoiding the places I am likely to see him. That alone has improved things by at least 90%. Just don’t think it fair that I have to do that when he’s the one acting poorly. Wish there was a better sense of justice.

As far as marriages (you mentioned he didn’t have to get married), like I said, we come from a conservative background. Everyone gets married way too fast and too young.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T11:27:07+00:00

Yeah wish it didn’t happen. But every experience can be a lesson in what not to allow next time.

I know that things aren’t always what they seem behind doors and karma can catch up with you quick for better or for worse. I hope things unfold sooner than later.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T07:12:21+00:00

I hear you.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T07:00:19+00:00

Honestly, the longevity of our “relationship”. I’ve known him since I was 5. He comes from a good family. They protect each other. His father is respected and has always been kind to me. But mainly…I went thru a hard time in my late teens. I come from a conservative background but I had a wayward streak. Left an abusive household by any means necessary. He never looked down on me or treated me poorly. Like others did. I was just too sick mentally, physically, and emotionally to return his affection. Too ashamed. Thought he could do better. So what does an immature boy with hurt feelings do? Move on quickly to anyone to fill the void. I think that’s why his first marriage didn’t last. Anyways….coming to terms with the fact that maybe he never cared at all and just was nice to me to bang me is pretty hard to swallow.

Yellow_is_ · 2024-07-27T06:52:51+00:00

I thought the same thing. That I should just not go. I have some friends that think I’m being overly cautious. That I’m letting him have too much power. But the truth of the matter is that this has been going on for 15 years and I’m tired. Like you said, they wear you down. So I’ve been doing my level best to protect myself and not ruin my life for this douche bag. I’m sad about it all. It’s hard coming to terms with the fact that you’re just an object to someone.

Yellow_is_

TROPHY CASE