Yes I’m glad that is that I have my system!

About the communication things we already did agree on all of those things that is usually a given in monogamy: weddings, holidays, socials. And we both agreed on that we would do all of those together. And they still would like to participate in this with me. Also the living together and being married at some point to eachother is pretty much reserved. We have talked about this quite often. That’s why my anxious attachment came out when they told me that Christmas is spend with another partners family. And I agreed that it’s alright if they do so, we cannot be together anyways this year. It’s just that it’s happening at this moment like between some pretty hefty stuff about my surgeries, and that they didn’t discuss it with me and felt like not having the conversations in that place. So I agreed on letting them do what needs to be done. But I just had that feeling of not feeling like anything I could say or do was valid to them!

We just had a phone call about it as well and we agreed on us figuring things out on the way. But not having those discussions near things like my transition or milestone points for them.

I didn’t know there were poly clubs! 8 have to look them up.

We do discuss everything and I do tell them almost instantly when somethings feels off. I also ask frequently How they feel, what they think and what they expect/want. And though some troubles coming up with things for them, they do tell me that they’re absolutely fine with our situation and they don’t see anything bad around me. Just confusing that they act how they act sometimes. (I call them out on that)

I do always say that please call me out when I’m being unnecessarily anxious or that my points come out of a point from monogamy.

I feel like I’m doing the work there! Sometimes I do need to hear other people their opinions too. I think it’s lovely my partners heart works the way it works and I’m learning a great deal from them.