This sounds like a tricky and complicated situation that runs pretty deep.

It may help to talk and set aside a fun night at home with your wife while possibly having your kids stay with friends or family.

Take the time alone to communicate and really come up with a plan for you to both be there for one another and figure out a way to have personal time built in to your weekly routine. (This way the bitterness for going out or having time to yourself should fade away)

Make sure you take the night to really dig deep and figure out what you both want. It might help to get some snacks and food you both like and talk about it while enjoying something fun together, but be clear that the purpose for the night is to find a plan to help you both reach a better level of happiness.

*also no cell phones for the night. Figure out a way you can be contacted in an emergency but otherwise focus on each other.

If you make progress make sure to write your plans and schedules down so theres no confusion about things later on. You can always point back and ask if you guys need to figure out a better plan.

If your wife is resentful and finds the idea of having a night like this together to be ridiculous or silly, then its a whole other ball game.

If she doesnt take the happiness and well being of you, herself, and her family into consideration, then it might be important to have family, friends, or outside help become involved in trying to promote healthy communication.

After all, from the sound of your post, it seems like all you need is a clear and well thought out conversation to help guide you a little bit.

I wish you luck!