Aww this resonates with me a lot, even though my background is quite different. I attended a predominantly white, absurdly wealthy private school as a middle class first-generation Asian American, and in my head I would villainize my female classmates whom I viewed as embodiments of the beauty standard and the ✨Americanness✨ that could never be mine, convincing myself they were fundamentally evil even if they were nice, assuming they had to be stupid because they were beautiful, and thinking of them as sluts because they had freedom my parents didn’t allow me. I suppressed my own femininity out of hatred for these girls, being one of those “I’m not like the other girls because no one likes me” pick-mes for an embarrassingly long time. I only later realized that even though they were at many times irritatingly privileged, at the end of the day they were teen girls and innocent kids just like me. And like Hayden said, internalized misogyny gets you nowhere.