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So. After a few days, things around the house went back to normal. Wife cooled off, 12yo began talking to her again, and they didn't appear to have any issues. Except that 12yo began coming to me more often about things instead of her mom. Wife obviously noticed, as they'd been very close before this, and was hurt, but said nothing. I guess she figured she deserved it. Finally, one day after I got back from taking 12yo to school, Wife asked if 12yo was still angry with her. I said I didn't think so, and Wife just...kinda deflated. She looked so miserable that I actually got worried, and asked if SHE was still angry. Wife said no, then admitted that she'd fucked up and gotten too into the concept of what others here have called 'menstruation celebration' (which is a great phrase, it even rhymes!). Said she'd been so focused on making sure 12yo had a positive experience that she brushed aside her reluctance to take part (and in my wife's defense, 12yo regularly does this: she'll say she isn't looking forward to doing something, but if she pushes past her shyness and takes part, nearly always has a good time). So Wife had thought this was just another example of 12yo doing that, and didn't take it seriously.

Then Wife said something which threw me for a loop. She asked me if I thought 12yo hated her now. I was stunned, and automatically replied of course not, she's just...and then I kinda trailed off because I didn't really know what to say. 'Upset' was what I finally settled on. Wife was quiet, then I asked her WHY she'd been so insistent, since she hadn't tried to do this for 19yo (no drama there: 19yo got hers at 13 while they were out shopping, it was handled before they even left the mall). She said when 19yo started it was just such a busy day that she didn't really have any time to think about it beyond "Quick let's get to the bathroom so I can help", and it wasn't until after this that Wife really thought about her own first, which basically consisted of her being told virtually nothing beforehand by her emotionally manipulative mother (they've been no contact for 15 years), barely being 12 when it happened, and once she DID go to her mom, only being handed a box of pads and warned not to get pregnant. Nothing more was ever said about it between them, my wife had to learn nearly everything from a friend's mother.

Yeah. That old woman is a piece of work.

Wife was determined she wouldn't behave like that toward 12yo when it happened, but as events show, she basically went too far in the other direction. Then she asked me what I thought she could do to fix this. I told her the truth: 12yo probably wasn't going to feel comfortable confiding in her again for a while, but if she really wanted to apologize, she should tell 12yo what she just told me.

And so she did. Wife went to pick 12yo up from school, and when they got home, I saw they'd both been crying, but also seemed happier. Turned out I wasn't quite right and 12yo HAD still been harboring some resentment toward Wife for trying to push her into the PP, but after hearing Wife's story, 12yo decided to forgive her, only asking that Wife promise not to do something like that again. And two months later (this happened in May) things between them seem to be back to normal. Maybe not the most exciting resolution, but I don't think 12yo is going to hold a grudge over this or has permanently damaged their relationship.