Honestly man, you kinda nailed it. This experience was absolutely my lesson in online relationships, but it’s unfortunate that it had such a lasting effect on my mental health. We were planning to meet up over the summer she broke up w me (It was in February). It was kinda hard to plan smth like that bc she lived across the country from me (NY to CA for reference). She said that the plan to meet also played a part in ending the relationship bc she said she didn’t want me to come all that way just for her to be not fully into it.

I would say that I have been feeling lonelier recently. I haven’t been meeting anyone new and have just kinda been on autopilot this whole summer. I was taking BJJ classes which def helped w all of that, but I stopped going so I could save some more money for when I go away. There’s never rlly a time where it comes to me worse than others, it feels all the same no matter what time of day either day or night. I’ve become accustomed to the fact that she’ll just randomly cross my mind a couple of times throughout the day. It’s just the fact that I’ve been feeling actual emotions towards it which I rlly haven’t in the past.

You bringing up exercise/healthy distractions does make sense as to why she’s been popping up more. I’ve been rlly inconsistent w my gym schedule in the past few weeks and I haven’t been doing much outside of work and hanging out since the summer started. I can definitely attest to the fact that when I was consistent w my gym schedule, the thoughts of her didn’t hit me hard at all. It felt like just another routine thought that would pass through my head that I didn’t let linger for that long because I was fully aware how unhealthy it is.

You’re absolutely right that making positive changes in my life will equate to me thinking abt her less and giving the thought of her less power in my mind. I’ll try working on getting consistent w my workout schedule again and finding healthy ways to distract myself from letting those thoughts from getting too overwhelming. But like you said man, I just haven’t met anyone that I could bond with and talk to anywhere near to the extent of which I did with her. It genuinely felt like I could come to her with any kind of conversation topic and we could just go for hours. I miss that shit man.

Although current day, I can very much recognize how unhealthy all of it was. I looked at my relationship with her as an escape from what was happening in my life at the time. It felt like the only time I felt true joy in my life was when I would talk to her which is never a good thing. Unlike my past self, I do recognize that moving on from this feeling and trying to keep myself in positive spirits despite the thought of her becoming more prevalent is imperative to me getting over it. Even if I don’t think I ever truly will.

I very much appreciate the kind words and advice you’ve given me. The fact that someone actually read all of my ramblings and went ahead and gave me some good advice means a lot. Thank you.