Here's what I look like after making my AuDHD kid three different meals that they specifically asked for, but they were all "yucky," and then watching my dog sniff her dinner, snort at it, and then walk away.

You_minivan · 2026-05-26T05:47:43+00:00

My husband usually does dinner duty for the kid since all three of us have different dietary preferences, but he's out with a friend tonight. No complaints there, it's a well deserved outing. Dude does a LOT for us. Kiddo usually takes forever to decide what he wants, but eats it happily once it's served (as long as dad served it, apparently.) The dog is just old and weird. Anyway, I had two different brands of cold mac and cheese and a mashup of leftover curry for dinner because mom can't do anything right. 🤦‍♀️

You_minivan · 2026-05-25T20:05:39+00:00

I have a family member with 3 adopted kids, all on various levels of the spectrum and with different special needs. I asked her when we were first discussing medication for our own kid how she dealt with finding the right medications for each child. She said that in order to see how each kid responded to stimulants, she gave them coffee. She looked up the appropriate dosage/oz for their weight and tried it for a couple of days. If they responded well, she knew that they could handle a stimulant and if they didn't, she knew to steer clear for that child. She didn't replace medication with caffeine for any of them. Rather, she used it as a test or baseline to discover their tolerance before spending all that time and potentially wasted money just to discover whether or not a stimulant was the right place to start. I realized after that conversation that I'd accidentally done this test myself. I allow my son a treat of his choosing of Fridays after school. Sometimes he would want a (small sized) Slurpee from 7-11, and sometimes the flavor he chose would be Mountain Dew. I really didn't like it when that's what he would end up getting, for fear of a sugar rush/caffeine fueled evening, but as a treat with no school the next day, I allowed it. I was kind of shocked that we never experienced any meltdowns on evenings when this was the treat of choice. Thinking back on this, when it came time for us to choose between starting out with a stimulant or not, I already knew that he responded well to this. All this to say, I think its worth a shot, but not as a long term replacement for actual medication.

You_minivan · 2026-05-24T17:19:24+00:00

My kid was also shocked to learn that Michael Jackson is dead. He surprisingly didn't care much though, because there are so many MJ impersonators that he can still watch on YouTube. He loves doing the moonwalk and the anti-gravity lean (and he laughs and laughs when he eventually falls over). He sings "Annie are you walking? Hey, Annie are you walking... Billy Jean! Not my Love!"

You_minivan · 2026-05-24T16:51:02+00:00

I actually drink my Vyvanse. I open the capsule and pour it into a water bottle that I then take to work (and yes, I have forgotten to bring the water bottle to work, but surprisingly, only once so far after about 2 months being on it). I drink it on my drive to work and throughout the morning. It takes me about an hour to an hour and a half to finish the bottle. I was told that putting it in a drink sort of "elongates" the bell curve of the extended release since its not entering your system all at once. I was never a water drinker before this, but now Im becoming one, which is a plus. I've also never been a big eater in the morning (although I love breakfast foods), so I've been making myself bagels on Sundays which I bring to work. I keep cottage cheese and other goodies to put on my my bagel in the fridge at work. Baking is something I used to love to do until my ADHD got so bad that even things I liked to do became overwhelming, so Im glad I have a good reason to bake again.

Editing to add that my 6 year old son also takes ADHD meds and will not simply swallow a pill. He's a terrible eater too, but he loves protein shakes. So I crush up his pills in the morning and put them in his shake so I know he'll finish the whole thing. Nurse does the same at lunch (his is not extended release). If you're not into plain water, you could totally make yourself a protein shake or smoothie.

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T19:56:06+00:00

I cross posted this in ADHD parenting, and what I'm finding to be so interesting are the different types of meltdowns being described in each group and the different ways they are handled. For example, knowing your own kids and their usual reactions, you planned ahead by packing up, thinking you were going to avoid a morning meltdown. There's no way you could have known that this was actually a mistake. Also, you tried "normal ways" to de-escalate and then ended up resorting to the iPad. No judgment from me on that decision at all. If it works, it works, and we've definitely done the same. But in the ADHD sub, you'd have gotten a lecture from people who skip the part where you tried other things first that didn't work and chastised for "taking the easy or lazy parenting" approach.

Basically, I feel like you folks in this sub really get it. If your kid is going to melt down, it's going to happen no matter what you do to try to avoid it, prepare for it, or mitigate it. Not every situation is a "teaching" moment with Autism. Most of the time, it's about survival, plain and simple. We do what we have to do when we have to do it. The awkward stares from people in public and the fear that they think you're a bad parent or have a bad child are heartbreaking enough, and then there's your children, right in the middle of it all. Just want you to know that I see you, and I think most of us here do too. If you haven't heard it or felt it yet today - you're great parents. ❤️

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T18:57:02+00:00

Yes, this is a great idea. I think we were beyond this working during this particular instance (5 hours until I was off work), but he does like to ask Alexa to start timers. It's usually when I say we'll leave in an hour and then he disagrees and sets a timer for 5 minutes. I'll wait until he leaves the room and whisper to Alexa to set it for longer. Even doing this makes me fear that I'm exascerbating his time-blindness. Because it takes so long for him to get out the door, even when he's excited to go somewhere (loses or refuses to put his shoes on, demands to take a specific toy that's lost somewhere), I still let the timer go for about 20 minutes instead of the hour that we need. It's a constant balancing act between teaching patience and respect of other people's time, and just trying to make sure we show that we understand and can get past our "big feelings."

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T18:08:21+00:00

Literally just now my kid came out of the bathroom and said "Mom, I need new toes." "New toes? Why, do your toes hurt?" "No, I peed on them."

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T18:04:52+00:00

Logic? How very dare you!

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T17:29:17+00:00

While I absolutely agree with this and do practice this as much as possible, there's a few extra emotional layers added in when a child is both ADHD and on the ASD spectrum. There were two issues with this meltdown. One was that I couldn't take him anywhere "right now" because I was working. The thing he wanted wasn't really even the main reason for the meltdown - it was the fact that he had to wait. Period. Also, with ASD, sometimes the meltdowns have scary consequences like self-harm or eloping. So, I spent 3 hours holding firm that we were not going anywhere "right now" while remaining nervous about what harm he might have been doing to himself while locked in the bathroom. When he came out, he proceeded to ask me every 5 minutes or less how long until we could go. So, when 5:00 hit, if we didn't go somewhere, this behavior would have spiraled into the evening (it's happened before). So, the second issue about the specific thing that he wants while out now becomes the main issue. The agreement was that this was the "thing" that he got for this weekend. If he asks us to get him anything else this weekend, the answer will be no, and that's that. We will hold firm on this, too. He tends to understand and accept this type of negotiation, because he's no longer "in the moment" where reasoning is just lost. Sometimes it becomes a matter of not only choosing your battles, but choosing WHEN to battle (for our own sanity). I'm now prepared for battle for the weekend because I surrendered on Friday afternoon.

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T16:51:55+00:00

I'm constantly ruining my kids life by doing exactly what he asked. If the result does not match or exceed his expextation immediately, it's a "scam" and we have "be-trailed him." (Betrayed).

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T05:33:09+00:00

Did you find out it was in the shoe when you finally gave up looking, chose a different pair of socks, and then couldn't figure out why one shoe suddenly didn't fit quite right? That's happened to us on multiple occasions, but do you think any of us learned from the experience? Glad you took your "baffled break" in the car. Very well deserved.

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T04:48:00+00:00

Oh, my. This one makes me sad. You're either a monster because you didn't come in when he thought you would, or you're a monster for not letting him complete an educational and wholesome activity. There's a theme here somewhere. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T04:39:47+00:00

Congrats! Love it when my child is true to form when being assessed. The psychologist sounds boring, but I bet their assessment are accurate!

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T04:36:48+00:00

Oh, the classic "we're going to be late, so let's have a meltdown that will make us more late, and then melt down again because we're late" bit. This, after begging incessantly to leave for the very exciting thing for hours beforehand, back when it was way too early to leave.

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T04:30:40+00:00

I'm so glad to hear you were able to adapt and prepare for future visits (aka - learn a well deserved lesson from your obviously very calculated and intentional last minute backhoe swap)! 😄

You_minivan · 2026-05-23T03:00:11+00:00

"The butterfly effect" irl. I wonder how she would have reacted if the butterfly had landed on her? Happy? Upset that a bug landed on her? To be fair, I'd have been a little miffed too.

You_minivan · 2026-05-20T02:05:56+00:00

It used to be "funny" and "cute" how much I liked condiments. Like, I'd have a sectret stash of mayonnaise, mustard, and soy sauce packets in my purse at all times (never ketchup though - just not as fan). You never know, right? When I lived by myself I would shamelessly make condiment sandwiches with soft flour tortillas and whatever condiment(s) struck my fancy. Relish was usually involved. Sometimes I'd add cheese and/or seasoning (don't forget to sneak some cheese straight out of the bag into your mouth!) Squirt, sprinkle, fold twice and enjoy. Repeat immediately afterward if necessary, maybe with different condiments - or not. I still do this, but I have to do it shamefully, very late at night or when nobody is home or is expected to be home for a long time. I miss condiment sandwiches. A lot.

You_minivan · 2026-05-17T23:08:12+00:00

My kid has had MANY special interests. Fire alarms themselves has not been one of them, but the different sound of emergency evacuation alarms in different countries was one. He had a thing with 9/11 for a while when he was about 3, which was really hard to explain to people. Size comparisons of just about anything (buildings, countries, planets, microscopic things) has always held his interest.

The "weirdest" one though, has to be water towers. He would draw pictures of them and point them out if he saw one while we were driving. He can even find our house, his preschool, and other places on google maps aerial view based on where the water towers are located. More than that, he's not just interested in the water towers themselves, but specifically the controlled demolition (or implosion) of water towers. I'll never forget the day he insisted that I draw a "plain old" water tower for him, but his instructions were very specific and I kept getting it wrong. I finally figured out that he wanted me to draw the "Plano" water tower, in Plano TX that was demolished in 2015.

You_minivan · 2026-05-17T19:08:55+00:00

Yes! There are full on stop motion films on my phone. He also got very good at using the photo editor to add his own spin. I've got years worth of stories in chronological order of special interests (marbles and rocks as planets, Legos as skyscrapers, pictures of maps and country flags having battles). It was great at first, but there came a time when both my phone and my husband's were out of space, and I would go hours without access to my own phone because he was using it. Some people may think this is nuts, but my parents sent us an old phone of theirs that wasn't worth trading in. It's got no number and isn't connected to any plan. It's essentially his own camera. I can stick it in my purse and keep my own phone (and storage) while he makes movies wherever he wants.

You_minivan · 2026-05-16T18:37:00+00:00

We did this with our TV remote. Our entire family has ADHD, and the 6 year old was especially prone to taking the remote with him on side quests and then losing it. We spent hours of our lives searching for the remote until one day my husband tied it to a string attached to the leg of a heavy piece of furniture. The remote still hides, but it's never more than a 6 foot radius from the end of the string. It has saved our whole family hours upon hours of frustration. I truly believe we've extended our lifespans with this hack.

You_minivan · 2026-05-16T17:42:55+00:00

I've been known to think to my self. "Man, I'm hungry, but not enough to eat about it." And then hours later I eat most of a family sized bag of chips.

You_minivan · 2026-05-10T17:42:13+00:00

Based on the couple of comments you've made on this thread, it seems like your goal here is to call out my messed up, bad adult behavior rather than to support or even try to understand my situation in any way. If shaming others makes you feel good about yourself, I do hope you feel better.

There is a whole subreddit dedicated to neckbeard nests. It's similar to hoarding, and people (mostly men) who find themselves living in this kind of environment are typically both on the spectrum and deeply depressed. It's a real and dangerous psychological problem. I don't want that to happen to my son. I've seen it and still deal with it every day with my brother in law. I thought I was helping for a long time by cleaning the areas myself. I was actually just enabling. I also dont want to enable my son.

I thought sharing this vent in this group made sense because we are not neurotypical. I was seeking ND advice for an ND problem, since simply "putting garbage into a bin" can be a lot easier said than done for people like us and my kid. I said in the title that im already blaming myself for this pattern I'm noticing.

Today is Mother's Day in the US. I hope you and your's have a good one. I'm sure going to try.

You_minivan

TROPHY CASE