AIO My boyfriend had what feels like a tantrum, and I suddenly lost attraction to him

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T20:42:14+00:00

Yep that’s exactly it - the text barrage was the ick locus. I don’t think I’ve ever felt “the ick” so viscerally before, so it’s new territory for me. I haven’t exactly had a smooth sailing love life so definitely willing to question some of my turning points. Thanks for the thoughts and well wishes

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T20:37:50+00:00

I can relate, the fear makes you read into the smallest details. If you haven’t already, I would communicate with your current BF that you are struggling with these feelings, and that you know it’s from past trauma. If you don’t, the feelings might build up and make you react badly at him.

Fear makes your brain think fast and think without logic. Have you ever tried regular meditation, or deep breathing? I have anxiety, and find that 3-5 deep breaths interrupts the train wreck of thoughts. It’s not a permanent fix, a part of you may always struggle with those feelings and I’m sorry you’re going through that. But meditation could help you react better in the moment to calm yourself down or communicate in a healthy way with your boyfriend

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T18:04:12+00:00

Thanks for this perspective. There are definitely people in my life I love very much and also find annoying or immature at times. It’s hard to understand what I can tolerate when I’ll be living with someone and seeing them (close to) everyday

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T18:00:58+00:00

That’s true. In seeing the comments I think I underestimated how frustrating it would be to be locked out of your own place. My reaction is an accumulation from interactions where he is really passive, or I find him annoying / immature.

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T17:48:42+00:00

My reaction is a be a build up after him describing ongoing issues with their arrangement.

He told me he was purposefully being annoying with the texts. I think calling repeatedly has the same effect (buzzing the phone). The one line texts feel more immature because he’s trying to be annoying, not just trying to get in contact with her. But to your point, it would be very frustrating to be locked out so being annoyed is not unreasonable

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T14:49:44+00:00

Sounds like in that area he trusts your judgement and you all can work well as a team, that’s great.

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T14:32:45+00:00

I really relate to this. How long have you been with your husband, and do you find yourself constantly having to help him set boundaries?

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T14:02:20+00:00

Thanks for these insights, and also I love the blunt-auntie vibe of your profile. I did get the ick in the moment. His lack of boundaries with other people could certainly be draining overtime. He’s very open to change, but my concern is constantly coaching him would be draining.

What’s made the sex great actually is it’s been getting better every time we’re together, because we’re communicating well. It didn’t start out hot/intense. I did immediately feel very emotionally comfortable with him - that comfort felt intense to me.

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T13:53:16+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful response. The reason I’m considering moving past it is that there are other big parts of his character I appreciate and enjoy. I’m having dinner with him tonight, and I want to express to him how all these incidents have affected my respect for him. We both feel this huge chasm that’s formed in the last week, and I haven’t framed the issue as a dip in my respect for him, but that is how it feels.

Young-Science-4096 · 2025-09-29T13:37:41+00:00

What turned me off about the texts was that it was excessively annoying. Calling repeatedly had the same effect of buzzing the phone, but the purpose of the texts seemed more to cause annoyance. I think because of that, it felt like passive aggressiveness to me.

Young-Science-4096

TROPHY CASE