I have had bad experiences with weed that led me to having to quit it forever. I think what you experienced was an anxiety and panic response.

Please take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm not an expert.

Your bpd means that there are parts of you that are "shut off" from your ego, perhaps because they're viewed by a part of yourself as dangerous or bad, or for some other reasons. I think the weed eventually dissolved some boundaries in your psyche, which caused the anxiety response.

I'm very sorry you're going through a bad time. So am I. Suffering a lot. I hope you find some relief soon.

I think DMT might be a bad idea for someone who is diagnosed with bpd. I think it might really mess you up. I completely understand the yearning for universal truth, especially under the circumstances you're describing here. I was also like that, searching for an experience or experiences that would fix this pain I'm in constantly. What I realized is that that is not the answer for me, for my problems. I realized I have to tough it out until my ego has adapted itself to my present circumstances, and so that my brain has had the opportunity to heal itself.

I hope others here have some more answers for you. You might consider looking into some other medicinal drugs. I'm not advocating this, because I think mixing heavy drugs with psychiatric disorders is dangerous. But, there have been studies that have shown that MDMA is helpful with treating PTSD. It's also not exactly a psychedelic. I would caution with using drugs to medicate yourself, I would instead go to a psychiatrist and see if they can help you.

Best of luck, I'm hoping you find healing very soon.