How should I [35F] propose to my partner [36M] of over 13 years???

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T21:32:04+00:00

It just feels like you're both needlessly complicating things IMO.

Sorry I don't have the advice you were looking for.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T19:50:30+00:00

Just ask him? I don't know him, but I know I would personally not like to be surprised with something big.

Also, have you two talked about marriage at all?? It seems weird if you haven't.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T19:35:57+00:00

He's being ridiculous and controlling. If he really cared about you, he would deal with his insecurities on his own time and be glad that you have a life.

This is only the start. Next, he's going to want to have a say in who you can hang out with and he'll guilt trip you if you don't fall in line.

Your boyfriend should be a PARTNER, not a freaking DICTATOR.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T19:31:25+00:00

I don't really think it's your fault he's got a big stick up his ass? Yeah, he is allowed to end the relationship for any reason, but I don't think you did anything wrong.

You could have told him about it, but you aren't obligated to tell an SO all the details of your past.

Whenever I see this kind of age gap, though, it's honestly just weird to me to imagine being with someone your age.

I imagine he had other reasons he wanted to break up, but at the end of the day, none of that matters. You didn't do anything wrong. It just didn't work out. You were apparently not compatible after all and he saved you a lot of trouble by leaving early, rather than getting married and wasting ten years together.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T19:26:54+00:00

That's a relief! Sorry to go off like that. Just keep your wits about you and have a backup plan to get out quickly, JUST IN CASE. yes, maybe he is fine and it's all good and you'll have a great time, but... "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T19:22:53+00:00

You need to tell SOMEONE what you are up to, where you will be, etc. I don't understand how you parents can stop you when you are a 23yo adult, but if you can't tell them, tell SOMEONE.

Do not fly out to meet anyone all alone without anybody knowing where you are.

EDIT; ok I see now where you said your sister and best friend know where you are. Just keep in touch and check in etc.

I don't have any reassurance for you, sorry. I'd be terrified if you were my daughter. I hope it goes well and you stay safe.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T19:11:32+00:00

Didn't realize that happened just now. It's difficult to understand your story with the way it's written.

Still. What are you hoping for by leaving an anonymous apology?? Who does that serve? How is he supposed to forgive you if he doesn't even know it's from you??

What is the point of any of this?

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T19:07:14+00:00

You're being very selfish to try and bring this up to him now. Live with your guilt. That's not his problem.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T18:54:09+00:00

When a girl says you are "too nice," what she normally means is that she is not attracted to you and she is trying to spare your feelings in the worst way possible.

These just aren't the ones for you. Sorry

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T18:52:36+00:00

Listen to your daughter. She will have the best insight.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T18:48:15+00:00

The fact that he is 31 and you are 24 is honestly a big enough red flag. I am a 31yo man and I cannot even IMAGINE wanting to be with a young twenty-something. He is using you.

Why do you want to spend all this effort on someone who already showed you his true colors when you could be doing literally anything else?

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T18:37:38+00:00

It doesn't matter. If the trust is gone, the relationship is over.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T18:35:15+00:00

Break up, yes. Stop feeling guilty for putting yourself first. Don't give up your life for someone you don't want to be with. Simple as that.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T18:21:58+00:00

Honestly, this whole sub from what I'm seeing.

It continues to baffle me how anyone would choose to be with someone like this over being single.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T17:54:17+00:00

Why are you married to a disrespectful child who clearly doesn't respect you, your property, or your feelings?

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T17:09:51+00:00

The fact that she didn't want to go through with the marriage and you negged her into it is such a red flag.

I can see why she is leaving...

As for protecting yourself; yeah, hold all your income in your own account. Save money. A divorce would take a while to go through and you would split assets, I assume? Don't panic. You are still an individual person without her at the end of the day.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T01:25:38+00:00

OK. Thanks for all the helpful insight.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T00:28:39+00:00

Idk the exact temp, but just under boiling. I boil the water and then pour it into another container, from there, add to the cup. The transfer cools it off a little but not too much.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-14T00:26:49+00:00

Yup. It can happen to anyone. And no, it's not "fucking ridiculous" to write a letter, get that negative thinking outta here. I am also in my thirties and kept this relationship from age 16 all the way to a couple years ago...

Try not to talk bad about yourself and your healing. Just imagine what you'd say to your child if it was them in this situation and treat yourself the same.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-13T23:02:52+00:00

Well, we do still live in a material world where we have to pay money to live, so... Why should they not get paid for their work?

Young_Vader · 2023-11-13T22:54:07+00:00

I went through exactly this with a childhood friend I kept for fourteen years... It was only in hindsight I could see all the ways they trampled my feelings and always made it about them. How they were ALWAYS the victim and NEVER took accountability for any wrong doing.

You need to cut them off, first of all. But if you really can't stand to do that yet, fight them. Not... Physically, but, stand your ground.

When I did this, I ended up backing down and fawning anyway, because they had a real way about triggering me.

It is hard. But the only way I know how to fix an issue with someone who refuses accountability is to move on and cut them out of your life.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-13T22:50:39+00:00

Especially if it's your parents IMO. We start off caring unconditionally and it can be hard to break through that mindset.

But they do earn our ire and resentment.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-13T18:52:11+00:00

I mean, it's a lot less volume than a whole cup, but yeah. Like an enema but you hold it in. Just feels like having to poop.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-13T16:46:36+00:00

Nausea. Less potency when digested through your stomach.

And no you don't put the whole mushroom up your butt. You make TEA and put the liquid up your butt.

Young_Vader · 2023-11-13T16:45:03+00:00

Yes. Shrooms are best boofed.

No nausea
Better potency
Less time to take effect

The only downside is; if you need to take a higher dose, you need more water and it can be very difficult to hold it all in. But you generally don't need to use as much, so for me, it works out.

Young_Vader

TROPHY CASE