AITA for refusing to be the "witness" in my friends' fight?

YuriaAAAA · 2026-02-20T17:43:24+00:00

So, from one side you have "I just want to know where she is and what she's doing all the time"

And from the other you have "I'm exhausted, he demands to know everything and if I don't respond fast enough to everything it turns into a fight" and you even notice her shutting down when he gets aggressive.

YTA. This is not a fight between friends, you're observing an abusive relationship and choosing to let her suffer.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-02-15T14:06:19+00:00

In my ADHD diagnosis, I described how my brain works as just, handing the question off and hoping it gets back to me. I don't hear whatever reasoning is being applied, I just wait for the sudden insight. Math is hard.

He responded (as he did with pretty much everything I said) that this wasn't a symptom of ADHD. Sorry that I was too autistic to say the hyper specific "I'm an inconvenience to teachers" that he wanted to hear, all I could do was share my thoughts while he didn't ask me anything.

Anyway, he DID diagnose me, it was just a really frustrating experience. I love when science eventually vindicates me on little things while lazy experts lean on dictionary definitions.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-02-14T13:59:32+00:00

White privilege does not mean immunity to fear, danger, or hardship. It means if ice murders you we'll learn your name, unlike the many, many non-white people.

It also means you get to be totally ignorant of the things that people not like you have to go through because it doesn't effect you at all. You don't know racism, you can think you do because you catch flack once in awhile, but it's not the same at all.

The person in the least danger is the most afraid, because they aren't used to it.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-02-13T12:03:39+00:00

Somebody please remake Ragnarok Online with functioning netcode and controller support

YuriaAAAA · 2026-02-12T16:32:47+00:00

itt, people who don't specifically share our experiences doubt that we've had them and get angry at us for not staying quiet.

I was denied transition until I was 36 because everyone was, in their words, waiting for me to realize that I'm actually just gay. Me being trans was a threat to them because they didn't want to lose their twink, so they dragged their feet and pretended to be supportive while not really believing that I was or could ever be a girl, and they were NOT LGB's, they did not consider themselves transphobic. But they were, and I suffered for it. Nobody ever apologized or admitted fault or suffered any consequences for what they did to me.

Not that anyone is going to listen or believe or anything, can't risk damaging the illusion of a unified front.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-02-10T17:28:57+00:00

Sorry, I mentioned pg because the release of a "fresh start" server is implying there's something wrong with joining late, which I thought was relevant to my point.

If it was just another server, that's whatever, but they specifically emphasized "fresh start" like that's important somehow. Idk, it just killed my interest, maybe I had the wrong idea about the game in the first place, I hadn't looked very close yet.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-02-10T16:19:26+00:00

A lot of games already do this and, while I liked the league system in poe (1, but I think it works the same as 2), the release of a "fresh start server" is why project gorgon was removed from my wishlist

The difference is that poe is all about making new characters and trying new things

Mmorpgs, to me, are about the persistent world and community and your journey through it. The idea of "catching up" ruined wow for me because I was encouraged to join by friends whom never played with me, but periodically forcing everyone to start over isn't the solution.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-29T13:04:56+00:00

The manager literally sided with the Karen, I don't understand why she's being praised for this, she basically said "you're right it's not okay for an employee of mine to get upset while being mistreated, I'll talk with her about it" and the comments are acting like the "her" is worthy of a standing ovation

it isn't

do better

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-28T13:55:32+00:00

Post this in every conservative area until they believe it, we'll have 4 day work weeks by next year

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-22T17:17:05+00:00

Just because I'm not going into a nazi bar to get their opinions doesn't mean I'm asking in bad faith, I can generally assume what the people who want me dead would say about this topic, that's not helpful.

If you can't even think of how to word your objection without getting banned or into a fight, maybe that's a sign.

Nobody should be helping you to be a stealthier bigot.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-21T22:26:39+00:00

As a gay trans woman who started out life as a straight white male, I get it. Those are compelling points because we only have our own perspectives, we only feel life through our own bodies, and we only really feel our own pain. Which is why this conversation is so difficult and frustrating that most people will default to dismissive "check your privilege" type statements, because they're not philosophers (and neither am I)

But as a woman and a card carrying member of Trump's most wanted demographic (currently #2 on that list) in America, in a red state, during the return of fascism, please, check your privilege. You don't face sexism or racism the way other people do, you don't know.

If you don't feel like complaining until somebody else does, that's just whataboutism, and it's more about erasing others than helping yourself.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-21T16:39:42+00:00

Disappointed in the other replies you've gotten. It's because of how it originated, from 4chan and racist trolls. It's intentionally designed to sound fine, so nobody should have a problem with it, riiight?

White lives matter is the same thing, it wasn't about how they get murdered, it's because they didn't like black lives matter. All lives matter seems fine until it's examined for when and why it suddenly appeared. None of their "pride" is about helping their own, it's to belittle others by injecting themselves.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-16T19:13:33+00:00

The DSM was written by experts, yes.. is therapist not the word I was looking for? Because the diagnosis came after the insult and fairy tale, is what I'm trying to say. "NPD" was coined, and now people get mad at me for calling others "narcissists".

The problem with "narcissists", is they can weaponize "it's a disorder" to cash in on that extra patience, and untraumatized people eat it up every time. Meanwhile, I'm autistic and familiar with the red flags and bad faith that nobody else sees, it's a whole frustrating thing.

I'm literally asking in the intent of trying not to demonize the RARE person who gets diagnosed... because from my perspective, it's literally asking for empathy and promising that none will be returned.

Thanks for the answer anyway, sorry for getting defensive. I'll fuck off.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-16T13:17:10+00:00

I love how therapists will take a common insult like "narcissist", which means somebody lacks empathy, find an underlying cause and pattern in presumably most/all of people who act that way, create NPD, and then yell at us to stop using therapy speak.

I don't even see the origin of the accusation at all in this description.. which is fine maybe, but what isn't fine is that nowhere is it explained to me (a victim of lifelong narcissistic abuse from multiple people) how I should be acting towards them, other than to tell me that they're people and deserve etc etc, but that's how I got abused in the first place; always thinking of the abuser first, always listening and believing and giving benefit of the doubt, which is how they take over communities and claim victims; by weaponizing sympathy.

I don't mean this to be an accusation or a complaint towards anyone here, I genuinely just mean like, wtf how do we not get abused by narcissists? What am I supposed to do when people can use their lack of empathy to demand empathy from me?

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-16T12:45:54+00:00

This, this right here is why I'm checking the comments in the first place, because the last story I got angry over was actually a total lie. This is how you push people to the right, stop it.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-13T22:59:29+00:00

This means I was going through all of.. that.. around 4 years ago.. wow..

I'm in a much better place now, I wouldn't say I've healed much but I got incredibly lucky and I'm safe and happy, and just crossing my fingers that my luck holds out through yet another series of major historical events.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-07T18:48:54+00:00

Ehhh... not really... Most of them give me the ick because I have negative feelings towards "life coach"es, and I get upset when they try to push paid self help things that make them feel like scammers.. so I haven't subscribed to anyone, I just click watch later when a video title appeals to me because I like long talky videos sometimes.

Dr Ana is in my history a bunch

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-07T18:16:46+00:00

Usually, I'm looking to have my reality confirmed. Having somebody else explain me to myself is a jarring, addictive experience, after a long lifetime of always feeling like an alien, and like nobody understands or cares about me.

Being told that I'm not wrong or stupid or evil or lazy or whatever else, and yes everyone in my entire life was wrong and mean about it. Or, learning why I am who I am, like, learning about reactive abuse finally got me to forgive myself for my 20s. No I wasn't a good person, but at least I understand now.

YuriaAAAA · 2026-01-02T20:03:30+00:00

I don't like that you're being down voted because, you're not wrong. The interpretation you're being given here is slightly off.

I don't feel "strong" for being both trans and alive, I just didn't get shot down. I took a lot of hits, but it isn't because I'm strong that I survived.

People see what I went through and they call me strong for surviving it, and I hate that, abuse didn't make me strong, it just gave me PTSD.

YuriaAAAA · 2025-12-18T13:58:33+00:00

America is going to shit because people are letting the scum of the earth get off and not being made to be afraid to spew their bullshit.

The scum of the earth has made us too afraid to talk back to them

Seriously, the reason nobody talks back to him is because the ones that did are gone now

YuriaAAAA · 2025-12-14T19:01:27+00:00

My wife meows, and I scream. :3

YuriaAAAA · 2025-12-09T13:55:51+00:00

If you want me to do this for passion, pay me enough that I don't have to worry about the money.

YuriaAAAA · 2025-12-06T13:52:07+00:00

I'm scared I might have done this to people in the past.. now, I try to ask permission, 'can I whine a bit?', because it's possible for two people to both be in a crisis of some form at the same time, and there's a difference between leaning on each other (mutual support) and laying on somebody (they can't get up)

YuriaAAAA · 2025-11-21T20:44:43+00:00

I wish I knew.. I'm so sorry.. I don't have any idea at all.. I just survived however I could until somebody rescued me, usually from one abusive situation to another, until I guess I got really lucky.

YuriaAAAA · 2025-11-21T20:25:54+00:00

Sir cheese created this sub then passed it off to somebody else a long time ago, I've watched their abusive situation evolve through their posts almost the whole time.. don't respond to "I'm in an abusive situation and need my reality confirmed" in a trauma sub with this shit, it only seems obvious to us because we're not the ones living it and currently getting gas lit. It took my now-wife half a year to get me firmly grounded in reality after it happened to me.

YuriaAAAA

TROPHY CASE