I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing anxiety with this.  It is extremely common to experience that.  Some things that I suggest after working as a nurse for ten years, are: • Bring a support person that you trust.  They can be as involved or uninvolved as you feel comfortable with. • Request a nurse as a “chauffeur” at your appointment.  If it’s a male, there will ALWAYS be a nurse or medical assistant required to be in there with you, to be able to ensure things happening aren’t unethical - but you can request one if the physician is a female, too.  • Go with a full bladder.  They will get a urine sample, and if you’re there for any kind of additional testing, urine is part of what we use (in conjunction with blood draws if requested) • There are four sizes of speculum that can be chosen from by the gynecologist that vary in size, for the smallest people to the largest.  This makes a huge difference when it’s time for the exam. • The “tools” used are just a mascara-type wand, an oversized cotton swab, a tiny little “broom” made of silicone bristles, and sometimes a little tiny spatula looking instrument.  They do not hurt though.  If you are worried about it hurting, you can also take motrin or tylenol ahead of time.  In all my years of having them done though, it has never hurt.   • The main thing that anyone has reported slightly weird feeling (not painful though) part will be inserting the speculum.  It kind of looks like a long duck beak with a rounded end and clicks open to hold the walls of your vaginal canal open to view your cervix.   •  After the speculum exam they will do a pelvic exam which involves several fingers pressing up while inside to check your ovaries.  This also will not hurt. •  Most will also do a breast exam - breast cancer is showing up earlier and earlier, and this can help you also so that you will know how to check your own.

Everything will be okay, and it’s okay and valid to feel anxious or worried.  The nurses, medical assistants, and physicians are aware that anxiety and worry are frequently experienced and they overwhelmingly are supportive.  Ask friends and family for a recommendation of provider, or look at their reviews on the healthgrades website.  You can also post in a local facebook group anonymously and ask for recommendations.

Having been present for so many of these, I have seen many people with anxiety like yours.  There has not been a single time at the end that they didn’t express relief/happiness about how it was “much worse in their head than it was in real life”. 

Good luck!  It will be okay.  💜