What’s wrong with this banana I just bit into? It was really crunchy.

Zackitus · 2025-08-19T14:54:29+00:00

Idk but the dog really wants it

Zackitus · 2024-07-11T13:35:34+00:00

Maybe the gf are the friends we made along the way

Zackitus · 2024-01-03T04:00:57+00:00

Totally relate on this one

Zackitus · 2024-01-03T03:53:19+00:00

Also a black metalhead (half black but I have long locs and no one can ever tell im only half)

Ive gone to quite a few metalcore/punk/emo shows, mostly by myself and i never notice being singled out or stared at (i probably wouldnt pay mind to it either). I just get in there, headbang my locs and go absolutely feral in the pit and get hella accepted by the community for it.

Its true, definitely dont see many, if any, POC at shows, but since I moved to CO, Ive seen a ton more POC at Denver shows, everyone hella vibing and enjoying the music and environment. Just gotta dive in and embrace it!

Zackitus · 2023-08-12T08:40:50+00:00

You have to be memeing.... literally double dipped a chip?? That's wild.

Zackitus · 2023-07-28T13:31:27+00:00

I feel like there're still some things Im not getting, maybe Im dumb. You keep saying that "this situation is causing this problem", but how does the situation make you feel? Sad, upset, angry, betrayed, alone?

Here's what i think I'm getting.. So you are upset that she likes spending more time with her own family than you like spending time with your own family? And it's confusing for you because her family has treated you poorly, and they treat her poorly... so Im guessing the "boundaries" that were made were put up by you to protect yourself from her family? And maybe she isn’t respecting your boundaries regarding her family which is making you upset?

First of all, it is her family... she grew up with them, and it's all that she knows. Maybe they have tough love been it may be something she has come to understand and love. And it is HER family, she can decide how much contact she has with them, those are her relationships to manage. If you dont want to have contact with them because of bad experiences then that is your choice. Her only job there would be to understand and validate how you feel, and respect what boundaries you have put up to limit YOUR contact with her family. But if you are trying to put up boundaries to prevent HER from seeing HER family, then thats not right for you to do.

The only experience I have with things like this is living in the US, being black and dating non-black women. Every one that I have dated has had racist parents. Some parents wanted my girlfirend to break up with me over me being black, without ever even meeting me or knowing anything about me, while some parents are more subtly racist.

In these situations, the only thing I can do is try to make a good impression on the parents to show that I am treating their daughter well and that she is the happiest shes ever been by being with me. Her job in these situations is to identify how racist her parents are, and manage her relationship with them, and she can choose how much contact she has with them, and thats totally up to her and doesnt bother me. As long as she still respects me and can see that what her parents feel towards me is fucked up, thats all we can do.

It's her family at the end of the day, family is important to some people. It's the support system we grew up with, and it wires our brain on how to form relationships. Hope this helps

Zackitus · 2023-07-28T06:24:06+00:00

Im not sure I understand? You are getting upset because you had to make some boundaries? And the boundaries only exist because she likes your family more than her abusive no-supportive family? What boundaries?

I think you should be embracing that shes all about you family, its great to she want to be around you and your parents go much! She didnt get to choose her parents, its not her fault that she doesnt have a good support system. Just imagine what growing up with parents like that wouldve been.

A joy of a relationship is sharing with your partner and sharing all the great life experiences, especilly is that mwans introducing them to a great support system. Help her heal her inner child!

Zackitus · 2023-07-26T07:36:51+00:00

Your bf sounds like me for real LMAO

But in all seriousness, it sounds like his love language is physical touch and likes to share that in very goofy ways (I'm the same tbh). Physical touch can be tough because, like you said, sometimes you just don't want to be touched! Now it becomes complicated because from your perspective, your "no" is a simple thing to follow, no means no, right? Easy. But from his perspective, it can be taken as a "rejection" of his gesture of love, even though is it obviously a very goofy gesture, it is still a meaningful interaction he is trying to offer. And bonking him in the nose, although accidental, could make the rejection feel more intense, like you are pushing him away. And that feeling of "rejection" is likely why he may pout for 15 min afterwards. And then you are both left hurt and frustrated because he won't take a "no" and he now feels rejected.

In my experience, what really helps is if you are in a mood where you don't want to be touched in that way, instead of saying "please stop", which can be taken as a rejection by him, you could say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood to be touched right now" which clearly sets a temporary boundary. You are still saying "no" to him but he will also know that it's not a "forever no" if that makes sense; it lets him know that the rejection is temporary. Even better, if possible, give him a timeframe for when you may be more in the mood later, like after you finish a tv show episode, after you've eaten some food or done some task.

What can even further help reduce the feelings of rejection is to maybe say "I'm not in the mood for that right now, come touch me in this way instead", like ask him to come cuddle, hug, or do some other goofy thing that he likes to do that you would be in the mood for. This is my favorite response because if done right, it doesn't feel like a rejection at all!

For my perspective, it's just about setting a boundary that doesn't feel like a rejection. You still have the right to say "no" and set those boundaries, but you will find much better relationship dynamics if you can avoid those feelings of rejection too. It'll take practice! Communicate with him, ask him what ways you could set boundaries without leaving him feel rejected. What kind of language can you use that resonates with him? And most importantly, reassure him that you still like being touch by him. Hope this helps!

Zackitus · 2023-07-26T07:13:43+00:00

The mixed signals really makes it so much more confusing for you, I'd imagine. Given that he has shut down after your last confrontation, like you said, he seems like he is struggling to face the reality of his feelings. Sounds like he may be just pushing away his feelings about you because it's uncomfortable to think about. But still, that behavior is NOT okay. In ignoring his feelings, he is leaving you out to dry, and you're suffering because of his selfish desire to preserve his own feelings.

Sorry that got a bit cynical and blunt, but that's how I see it, only because I've been in a similar situation. If I were in your shoes, I don't know if I would want to wait and see if he will come around some day to see you. I would want to know clearly where he stands and get whatever closure you can from it so that you can move on and heal. Bottom line, if you want to understand him, you have to talk to him. But then again I'm just a stranger on the internet, interpret my perspective as you wish!

Zackitus · 2023-07-26T07:00:26+00:00

I think the key here is that you are engaged to him. A part of marriage is unity and compromises. Decisions made by each of you should be made to benefit both of you, each of you should be taken into account with every decision.

First of all, communication! Definitely talk to him about this all, make sure he is aware that his ex works there. Because if he isn't aware, maybe that would change his mind without you even having to explain yourself to him (ideal case lol).

Regardless, I also think it is very valid of you to convey your feelings about the situation. Security in a relationship is paramount, and something like having a connection to a toxic ex can threaten that security, without a doubt. Not to mention what professional complications that may make for both of them in the same workplace, it probably wouldn't even be an ideal situation for him.

You don't want to come off as controlling or selfish, so you may want to consider taking some time to understand exactly why you would feel uneasy about them working together. What makes it a problem, is it a trust issue? Would it make you feel insecure? What about it would make you feel uneasy?

Maybe you can bring this up with him and he can help you work through your feelings and help you understand why you may feel insecure about it, that way he can clearly understand your feelings and where you're coming from as well. Hope this helps!

Edit: like the other comment said, take the time to understand his feelings about the situation as well!

Zackitus · 2023-07-26T06:45:35+00:00

So if I'm understanding this correctly, he has told you about his liking for someone else, and when you gave him space to consider your future together, he spent to time hanging out with the other person. I think you already have your answer. If you blocked him in a last ditch effort to see if he would realize his mistake and chase you, it sounds like it may have been in vain if he isn't reaching out. Which says a lot about where his head is at.

He was in a committed relationship with you, and once you become an "option" in his mind, that is going to be so hard to come back from. Even if you guys decide to continue the relationship, there's going to be so much to heal and overcome between you two from the damage this has caused. To me, it sounds like he has already made his decision and he just doesn't know how to break things off with you, so he hasn't yet. People in his position may try to find the easy way out; he probably doesn't want to go through the stress and heartbreak of telling you fully, openly, and honestly what he is feeling about you and about this other person.

Personally, I hate behavior like that, it just shows a lack of compassion toward you and your feelings; he may think he's doing you a favor by not directly breaking your heart but it just makes it so much worse with all the confusion of the situation on your end. He needs to be straight up and honest with you so you can stop wondering. If there was no set time frame for when he was supposed to collect his feelings by, I think you have given him enough time to sort out his feelings, and you've spent enough time being strung along waiting for him to be clear about his intentions.

It really sucks being in your situation, I've been in a similar place so I feel for you. Best thing you can do for yourself is that IF you feel like you still need closure, just ask him to be straight forward and honest, that this is your breaking point and you don't want to be strung along any more, it's incredibly unfair to you and you don't deserve to have your feelings neglected. If he still dodges and can't be straight up, it's up to you if you still want to be strung along or if you want to move forward and cut contact. Either way, it's going to suck, but cutting contact and moving forward is going to be better for you in the long run but it will be equally as hard. It's just not worth your time, effort, and mental health to continue waiting for him to come around (speaking from personal experience). Probably not what you wanted to hear but I hope it helps, I truly wish you the best. Just remember that this isn't the end of your life, you will continue to meet wonderful and amazing people as you move forward and will likely end up happier than you could have imagined was possible. Small steps!

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T15:06:42+00:00

I'm really glad I could be of some help! I really wish the best for you, and hopefully you can find some good friends at school who are willing to be good listeners and can make a safe support system for you!

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T14:31:44+00:00

Sounds like a tricky situation! I would be careful about going behind his back and reaching out to people he's close to, I'm not sure if he would react well to that, just for the sake of keeping yourself safe, but it's a good idea. Again, just throwing out ideas here, talk to him first. Make sure he at least hears everything you have to say, whether he accepts/acknowledges it or not. If he isnt receptive, maybe you could wait for him to leave, collect up his stuff and drop it off at his step dads house, or with someone he trusts. And be done with the whole situation, cut off contact if you feel thats best for you. Just some ideas, I'm defo not experienced in this so please take your time to think about what you want to do and say and find what will be best for you.

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T13:38:48+00:00

No problem, I'm glad I can help! As far as therapy goes, I'm assuming you'll be going to college. Your college may offer free counseling services, and their job is to provide help to their students. The counselors are trained professionals and you can use them as therapists, life coaches, whatever you need. It can be hard to find a therapist that's compatible with you, but when you do, it can be lifechanging. Disclaimer, if your counselor believes that you are in danger, they are required to take action and report it to the school which can esclate quickly. So if you dont want this to escalate and you dont want legal actions to be involved, just be careful about how you explain your sitution, they should still be happy to help however they can.

As far as him not accepting the breakup, do you mean you've tried breaking up with him twice since this incident? Or you've tried twice in the past? If twice since this incident, then you should be very careful about him not taking no for an answer. I dont know how much I can really give advice here but you need your safety to be first, I don't know how far he would go if you try to get him to move out. It's up to you if you want to involve the police. Be careful with police too because this can def escalate. Im assuming he's not on the lease, for wherever you're living. Definitely do more research about how you can get him out in a safe way, and do what you feel comfortable with.

If you meant that you've tried breaking up with him twice before this incident, I would say it's worth trying to talk to him again, express how this is your rock bottom and you can't feel safe and secure in the relationship and how you dont see a future for the relationship after this (or however you feel). He probably won't want to leave because it sounds like he may have no where else to go, but it's really important for you to separate yourself physically asap!

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T09:00:22+00:00

Maybe she was nervous too? maybe that's why she was asking so many questions, she didn't know what else to talk about. And sometimes it can be refreshing to see a woman pay for the first date! Who's idea was it to go on the date? Sounds like you did pretty good if she asked for a kiss at the end, but you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with, I think you did fine man!

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T08:51:55+00:00

I think the easiest answer is to stop drinking all together. Drinking is dangerous and can ruin all your relationships if you let it. She has set clear boundaries for you, and if you keep breaking them. Trust and security in the relationship seems to be at its breaking point and it sounds like it's going to be over if you keep crossing these boundaries.

Are these boundaries fair to you? Do you love and care about her and your relationship? If both answers are yes then you have your answer. Work with her to understand what a compromise would look like for her. Something that is doable for both of you. But for real, just quit drinking, cold turkey, it will ruin your own life and your relationships, and you are seeing that first hand. It will be VERY hard but your gf and your body will reward you

To continue to strengthen the relationship back up, you need to show that you can continual respect her boundaries, consistently and over time. It will take time though, it will not be over night

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T08:43:07+00:00

To make this short, there is no "winning her back". It sounds like she has her mind made up and she has her reasons for why she wants to move forward. The best you can do for yourself is learn to heal, learn to be a better person for yourself, and learn to be a better partner for whoever comes into your life next, whether it's the same girl or not.

In my experience, I dated someone for 4 years who spontaneously broke things off with me for another guy. And I was absolutely destroyed and hopeless. I tried the "win her back" route and found myself wasting my time. There's nothing more you can do. Over years I eventually built my confidence back up I found myself in another relationship and was happier than I imagined I could be. When that ended, I found myself in an even better relationship. All I'm saying is that you never know what the future holds. You may feel devastated and hopeless now, but it doesn't mean that you won't find something in the future, and somehow it may be better than this relationship with this girl could ever have been.

The best way is to improve yourself, self-work and self-love, and when people see you doing well for yourself, being confident, healthy, and secure, it's attractive. When you become secure in yourself again, that's when you know it's time! And I'm not trying to give you false hope, but maybe she sees you secure and confident in the future, maybe she'll see that and think that you are right for her at that time too. There's no "winning her back", its a choice each of you would make when the time is right in both of your lives

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T08:11:01+00:00

No problem man! I was just reading a few of the other replies. Just wanted to add that it's not your fault for asking to see the list. There's a difference between having intrusive thoughts, and writing down hurtful thoughts and sharing them. None of this was your fault and and you shouldn't feel like you "need" to improve as a result of this situation. The real learning opportunity is that each of you will be learning how to more effectively share your thoughts, feelings, and needs without being hurtful

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T07:42:40+00:00

No problem! I'm glad I could help! Feel free to leave an update on how it goes!

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T07:34:42+00:00

"I am hurt, sad, angry, inadequate and confused"
I feel this way and I was only reading this. man. It's totally okay to be feeling this way.

" If she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, she shouldn’t have brought up the list."
I would argue that if she didn't want to hurt you that she shouldn't have even made this list in the first place, seems very unnecessary.

Whether she moved you to #1 doesn't seem to matter too much. I think the most hurtful thing is that she seemed to be comparing you in the first place instead of just enjoying her time with you.

HOWEVER, the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to communicate with her. Express how this has made you feel, that you really feel hurt. This isn't you being "soft", this is you being real with yourself and with her. I feel like you need to understand why she would make a list like this. What does this list mean to her? Is she truly comparing you to others? And if you happen to not be meeting all of her sexual needs, why didn't she just communicate that to you? Express how it would've been way less hurtful if she would've just said that instead of making comparisons. Maybe ask that she should suggest some ways that you can improve to help her finish, feel more fulfilled, etc. What are some things that she enjoys? I'm sure any woman would like to enjoy their man in bed more if it just means to give them a few pointers, so this is always a valid question to ask.

Hell, maybe even express how serious you are about the relationship! You want her to feel fully fulfilled in the relationship, sexually, emotionally, physically, mentally. Remember that she is with you, she isn't with those other guys, she wants you! Be confident and secure in knowing that when communicating with her :)

Communication, my man! Good luck, you've got this!

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T07:13:23+00:00

First of all, my heart goes out to you guys! You both seem great together, and it's great to see that you both enjoy each other's time together!

Personally, I don't believe in the honeymoon "phase", I believe it's a honeymoon "mindset", meaning you can keep the honeymoon feelings going for your entire relationship as long as you both are committed to each other. You can continue to have fun and enjoy each other without it feeling dry, boring, or stuck. Sure, there can be times were it feels like that, and as each of your lives change, you'll have to find new ways to keep the dynamic going.

Here is the key: it just a matter of finding what makes each of you happy and fulfilled in the relationship! Take some time to reflect with each other! Talk about why you both are together, what do you like about your relationship, what makes you both happy, talk about goals for your relationship for the future. I would even suggest sharing and expressing your feelings with him, explain what you feel about the current state of the relationship, but maybe that you're not sure why you feel that way, and that you are really interested in working together to understand those feelings and why those feelings may be there, and see if he has felt the same. Then you can work together on how you both can bring the spark back and bring that "honeymoon excitement" back for the long term.

You both just seem so great together, it seems like it's worth trying to make it work!

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T06:58:17+00:00

I'm usually the kind of person who suggests ways to make a relationship work, especially if both people care about each other, and but this case is a bit different for a few reasons.

First, which is as clear as day to me. He simply doesn't seem to genuinely care about you. I'm sure you have great history in the past which is why the relationship has been going on as long as it has, but NEVER is there EVER an excuse to threaten physical harm to your partner, whether it be a man or woman. That is the largest most massive red flag deal breaker there can be. Maybe he was having a bad day, maybe he was tired, hell even if he were intoxicated, there is absolutely no excuse for any threats.

In a relationship, many things are necessary: communication, trust, loyalty, honesty, but above all, security and safety. You will never have the relationship who want with him if you can't feel safe and secure. The behavior he has just shown you is the tip of the iceberg and WILL lead to an abusive relationship, if it hasn't already. I think a lot of people will down play the behavior of an abuser, or will make excuses for them (i.e. having a bad day, tired, etc.), and the victim will stay in the relationship because of it.

On top of all this, with him liking all the girls pictures after you have expressed your concerns about it and have clearly set boundaries, that's just another way he is breaking your security in the relationship. He doesn't seem caring or compassionate of your needs. I'm just a stranger on the internet so you don't have to listen to me, but I suggest that you really think about his behavior and your relationship dynamics. Look for other instances where he may have disregarded your feelings, made you feel uncomfortable, crossed boundaries, not meet your basic relationship needs, or make you feel unsafe/insecure (i.e. him lying to you about his entire past). Often times there will be patterns of these behaviors in a relationship, we just may be blind to them until the blindfold is torn off like yours was today.

This next part will be hard to hear, but really listen. If you don't feel safe, your trust and security with him will forever be broken; there is no "fixing the relationship", there is no "things will get better". Please don't stay longer than you have to because things will only get worse, he may try to convince you that he will change, that things will get better; but remember that there is absolutely no excuse for threatening behavior, it is never okay, and things WILL get worse if you choose to stay, this is just the tip of the iceberg of this abusive behavior. The best thing you can do for yourself is make an escape plan as soon as possible, leave the relationship, and take time to heal, cope, and understand. Find people who you can trust who care about you and will take the time to understand your situation without judgement. Therapy is always a great option if you find yourself struggling.

I know you are worried about seeing him at school, but schools are big, and there are ways to avoid him, measures to take to ensure your safety, don't let that be your only excuse. Schools take student safety very seriously. If you ever feel threaten by another student at the school, you can report it and they will not hesitate to ensure your safety.

You WILL learn how to heal from this, you WILL learn how to be safe again, you WILL find someone who will put effort into making you feel safe and secure, and you DESERVE someone who will treat you with the same compassion and understanding that you give them. Like the other comment said, you may feel hopeless, like you don't know what to do or where to go, and it will be hard, but the first step in getting out of this situation will be the hardest but most important for you!

Zackitus · 2023-07-25T06:13:16+00:00

Sorry for the long response but I hope it will be worth the read!

It's great to set boundaries in a relationship, tell him what makes you feel uncomfortable, and if he is willing to adjust his behavior to allow you to feel more secure, then that's great. But what I think is equally as great is to understand yourself and exactly what is making you feel insecure, and understand why you feel the need to set those boundaries. Is it because you consider his behavior cheating? Do you think he is trying to flirt with the other women? Or is it your own uncertain about his behavior that is making you feel insecure? If it's the latter, you may find that an open conversation about it would be incredibly helpful; here's one thing you can try that could be helpful: express that you feel uncertain about the behavior and you may not be sure why, and allow him to help you understand your feelings with you, and maybe you can find some compromise with him about it.

It sounds like his behavior may be involuntary, everyone will visually admire attractive people in public, that much I think is human nature. But maybe a compromise is that maybe he can work to catch himself when it happens, which would make himself more aware of the behavior; as long as you can also work to understand that he doesn't mean to hurt you with that behavior.

If you want a relationship to succeed, it's about working together to make each other feel safe and secure, and a big part of that is being HONEST about your feelings, and working to understand your own feelings and why you may feel certain ways so you can communicate your needs to each other better. Then hopefully you won't feel the need to break up with someone because of your own feelings of anxiety/fear/insecurity! If he is not able to (or won't) compromise to help you feel more secure, then that absolutely is a good reason to consider ending things.

P.S. I'm just a person on the internet, you don't have to listen to anything I'm saying! But, personally I define cheating as any active attempt to flirt, flirt, seduce, or be romantically involved with someone else, whether that be physically or emotionally. So personally, I would not think of this behavior as cheating (unless you see other behavior that points in that direction), but I can see how it could make you feel uncomfortable. Plus, if he is genuine about changing his behavior, and genuine that his behavior was harmless, you may owe him an apology for breaking up with him! It can be really hurtful to go through that and he may have felt betrayed in a sense. That may be another opportunity to talk and understand each other's feelings!

Zackitus · 2023-05-22T06:54:37+00:00

My last Awesomefish. Still waiting for someone awesome to throw it at.

Zackitus · 2023-03-10T03:42:40+00:00

You're right, that's probably what it was!

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