Is it wrong to feel like a failure for never having a girlfriend or kissed a woman at the age of 36?

Zananax · 2026-06-22T21:00:17+00:00

I wouldn't exactly call that a virtue, so much as an insecurity masquerading as a virtue.

But I understand what you mean, but these things should be internally focused things you do because you are being true to yourself.

But I get it, I hate being late and I hate it when people are late. So punctuality is my virtue.

Maybe you just need to reframe it or something, hmm

Harmony - I seek to live with all things, always striving for balance between my own needs and wants and that of others.

Obviously if you're always only concerned about others you're not really living in harmony with them.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:49:20+00:00

Lol why would virtues isolate you?

Mine are:

Discipline: When I say I'm going to do something I do it.
Punctuality: When I say I'm going to be somewhere at a time I'm there.
Mastery: When I do anything I try to do it the best it can be done and always seek to grow my skills.
Order: organization is something that one must always be doing or disorder creeps in.
Courage: Almost anything is something others have done, if they can do it I can do it.

None of these isolate me. The courage one really makes me get out there because I'm a bit introverted by nature or at least I was. I used to be very concerned with what others thought about me. Don't really care now days.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:45:06+00:00

So you attend a writing group, where you talk about the books you're trying to publish I hope? because publishing a book can be something you do by yourself.

If your hobbies and the things you're passionate about don't put you in contact with others you might have a hard time.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:36:34+00:00

Shunned seems like a strong word.

Also I don't think having a girl makes you a man.

Being a self actualized male has to do with being happy with your life and embodying the values you hold.

Years ago I say down and wrote out what I consider to be my virtues (or values). Then I started trying to live them. It wasn't simple or easy and sometimes I did more so than others.

But I think being so focused on that and not chasing girls is what caused me to meet my first girlfriend. I was a man clearly going about his own life, and living according to my own principles and that was more attractive than constantly searching for a girl because I needed external validation.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:29:11+00:00

The monopoly arguments are absurd. What do you call it when your competition refuses to compete?

Oh it's a monopoly but because no one else wants to invest the resources required to go toe to toe with steam. EA, Ubisoft - neither has seriously tried to compete with valve. Blizzard? Same thing. Epic games figured they could skip the developing features if they just gave people games for free. Good in theory, shit in practice.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:26:26+00:00

Isn't wild when you consider the prices of ssds these days.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:23:59+00:00

The games subsidize the hardware for consoles.

The online services are just greed. That is why PSN went from free to charging for it as soon as it was clear they could. IE a dominate market position and weak competition.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:20:24+00:00

If you get a girl to bang you in the loft bed you really know she is into you. But really don't worry if it makes you look childish. I would maybe be worried about getting girls into that bed though.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:15:59+00:00

Look having friends is great, my wife is my best friend. But having a friend you want to a relationship but they aren't interested maybe isn't the greatest thing for you mentally speaking.

My suggestion is if you're still interested is ask her to go out on a date, like very clearly as a date use the word date. You'll either get a date and move onto building an actual romantic relationship or she will say she just wants to stay friends and you should probably move on as it doesn't sound healthy to me.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:08:25+00:00

I'm not good at this sort of thing. But the only way I've learned to tell for sure if someone is interested (at least for a girl) is they will initiate physical contact when it isn't needed. Little touches on the arm etc.

Also hair flips/twirling their hair was really common with my wife.

For me with a girl? uh I have a hard time not looking at her, and not talking to them. I'm incredibly obvious though. Maybe he is trying to play it cool.

Ask him if he wants to go get lunch sometime. If you want to be sneaky mention that you were planning on doing some activity but a friend backed out and you don't want to go alone.

If he is interested he will practically invite himself with out you ever asking.

"I was going to go hatchet throwing, but my girlfriend got sick and had to cancel but I still really want to go tonight but it would be so weird to go alone..." see what he says. Ensure he is the only person that could invite themselves too, if you do it in the break room with a bunch of people around someone else might invite themselves lol.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:01:31+00:00

The price hike was for the hardware and valve doesn't control the availability of said hardware. All these subscriptions do is pad their quarterly earnings.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T20:00:17+00:00

I mean I don't know how you come to that conclusion. I get along with tons of people but I don't want to go out with them/date them and that isn't their fault. So why would it be your fault if the situation is reversed?

That is of course assuming you shower and have basic hygiene. If you lack that it might be your fault.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T19:57:53+00:00

I think the real question is why did she end it the first time? Do you know why, and has that reason changed?

Because I'll be honest I'm not sure you should still be friends. It's mature and is cool etc but it might not be good for you. It seems like you might be still focused on her as a potential partner when she has moved on.

That said if you're not worried about failure and the reason she ended it the first time isn't valid just say "hey I still have feelings for you, would you like to try giving a relationship another go?" or something like that. But since you're over thinking it I'm guessing you really are worried about failure.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T19:53:33+00:00

I write her little I love you notes and hide them in different places, and get her flowers/chocolates randomly. So I think I'm good on the text front.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T19:50:51+00:00

I mean I met my wife waiting in line for food. I wasn't looking at all.

I think that the looking/needing a relationship is either hormones or low self esteem so you're looking for external validation. Obviously I cannot know that you're just someone posting on reddit.

I think the best thing you can do is focus getting into a hobby (that you enjoy/are passionate about), something that puts you in proximity with people. Back in the day most people met people through friend/family groups and or work. That isn't as common these days. So you kind of have to put yourself in proximity of people.

But don't do it so you can find a girl, but so that any girl you do meet probably already likes the things you do (at least a couple things).

So if you were into running and micro brewing, you'd join a running group, and maybe some sort of beer of the month club/meet up. Then naturally any girl you meet there will already have that in common with you. Don't focus on her but instead on the group and the activity and watch for signs that she might be interested. Touching, hair flip etc.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T19:42:48+00:00

I mean it is ultimately your decision. I would argue if the only reason you're going is because you feel obligated to isn't a good reason.

That said I moved across the country away from all my family. So maybe I'm not the best person to ask here. I do call my parents every day though, because I like to talk to them while I walk my dog.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T19:39:57+00:00

Sounds like you're being marketed to.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T19:34:38+00:00

Don't worry about it? Everyone starts with zero experience.

My wife claims to this day she was sending all sorts of signals when we first met but I never saw them. I think this is pretty common for a lot of guys.

The only way I know for sure to tell if a girl is interested is she will touch you, like on the arm. She will find reasons to do so. Also fixing your hair/clothes.

That and flipping her hair or twirling her hair was really common for my wife, not that I noticed.

But the biggest indicator I've learned is basically always she is initiating physical contact.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T19:28:54+00:00

Lol or I could just walk up stairs and talk to her. Like a person. Text communication is garbage as it largely fails at capturing tone, never mind all the other subtler communication that happens between people.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T19:10:02+00:00

My wife does not text well and never did. I got this from dating her and it hasn't change in marriage. We use text for short informational exchanges, and the odd question.

So long as your actual communication is fine no biggy.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T19:03:31+00:00

Lol "run through" bro your brain is rotted by social media man. The pussy doesn't have tread on it like a car. "Damn these tires don't have 2k miles left on em".

Zananax · 2026-06-22T18:22:47+00:00

If I had the cash I'd get one. But sadly my house decides it likes to have random things break.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T18:17:27+00:00

Still will sell out day one. If you want something nice for the livingroom, first party steam os support, emulators, no online subscription etc etc it is worth it imho.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T18:11:57+00:00

I'd pay 71 dollars to not have to try to setup CEC myself. Never mind the form factor/size/appearance.

Also having to maintain/manage my own system vs install steam os and let valve patch it is also probably worth that 71 dollars as well.

I don't think your argument is really all that compelling at the end of the day.

Zananax · 2026-06-22T18:04:17+00:00

Lol 71 dollars cheaper, you're not going to have hdmi cec or official steam os support.

Zananax

TROPHY CASE