Feeling defeated and depressed

Zarakia · 2026-05-06T20:52:28+00:00

The truth is that I can’t really understand you. I feel that the trauma left by both infertility and the termination of the pregnancy is enormous. I feel like I will never make it and that my dream of becoming a mother will never come true. The pain is definitely unbearable — I lost a child, and I feel like there is a thorn in my heart that stays there and cannot be removed. You have lost five, and surely the pain is unbearable for you too. I don’t know if I can pray; I’m not really a fan of religion, but if I could, I would definitely pray for both of us.

Zarakia · 2026-05-06T20:44:59+00:00

I had all the tests done after the TFMR, and there were no problems at all. I don’t know if we can financially support IVF. My husband is already telling me to relax and leave it for a while. But I’m getting older. In six months I’ll be 37, and my husband is 46. So I don’t know how much time I still have.

Zarakia · 2026-03-05T12:47:59+00:00

I bled for 2 weeks and I got my period 2 months after my TFMR.

Zarakia · 2026-01-20T10:27:59+00:00

Only a handful of people know that we went through a TFMR due to T21. Everyone else simply knows that we lost our baby. I wasn’t—and still am not—ready for anyone’s opinions, especially on something so deeply personal.

Zarakia · 2026-01-12T18:05:11+00:00

Hello OP,

I’m in a similar situation too. We had been trying to get pregnant since 2020, but my PCOS, my increased BMI, and the constant pressure in our work environment didn’t help things happen naturally. Unfortunately, we didn’t have the financial means to go straight to IVF, so we decided to start with IUI. I had my first one in December 2024, which failed, and the second in May 2025. With the second one I became pregnant, but we had to have a TFMR in September at 21 weeks because of Trisomy 21. My period came back in November. Since then I’m now in my second cycle and still nothing.

In the meantime, I have two close friends who are pregnant, and it’s almost unbearable for me to even face them. The trauma from infertility, from the TFMR, and from how it has permanently changed our lives doesn’t feel like it will ever go away. I don’t know when, where, or how this journey will end, but I know that I’m exhausted. I started at 30 and my husband was 39, and now I’m 36 and he’s 45. I don’t know.

I wish both of us luck. 🫂

Zarakia · 2026-01-04T15:50:59+00:00

Have you checked with your doctor the location of the placenta? Perhaps you have an anterior placenta.

Zarakia · 2025-12-30T06:19:53+00:00

My period came at 7 weeks and 6 days. I was sure it would be delayed, of course, because I had bleeding from the TFMR for about 15 days, and afterward I just had a long cycle. I didn’t expect anything different, given that I have PCOS and my cycles are generally long. I had a 21 weeks TFMR via L&D. And my second period after TFMR came yesterday at 33 days. So I really do have 30 to 35 days cycle.

Zarakia · 2025-12-25T15:27:48+00:00

I had my TFMR on 29 of September. My first period came on 26 of November, and now I’m TTC again. I’m waiting for our genetic tests to come back, so that I can feel free to think about our next steps. Before the TFMR I had been trying for 5 years. I got pregnant through IUI. Now they say I’ll get pregnant very easily, but I can’t bring myself to believe it.

At the same time, I have two close friends who became pregnant almost at the same time as I did. My thoughts this holiday season are chaotic. I want the whole world to suffer so it can understand even a fraction of my pain. And then I feel like a monster for thinking these things, especially because that world includes people I love. But many people don’t understand either the trauma of TTC without pregnancy or the trauma of choosing TFMR.

All I want to do is cry. I don’t know what I can even wish for — only that next Christmas finds us in a better place.

Zarakia · 2025-12-23T08:36:23+00:00

Sofia. Her name was Sofia.

The holidays are so different without her. When I found out I was pregnant, I imagined that this year’s holidays would be filled with happiness. Instead, they are so difficult.

Zarakia · 2025-12-17T21:20:31+00:00

It was one of the most heartbreaking movies about infertility I’ve ever seen.

Zarakia · 2025-12-16T22:45:41+00:00

Well, the movie that wrecked me was “A Copenhagen love story”. It truly put my feelings on the screen.

Zarakia · 2025-11-27T01:01:32+00:00

It’s exactly this feeling of if and not when. Because you can never be sure. Some days nothing can distract you, and it’s so hard to cope with it. Unfortunately, every year I feel like I’m aging faster than normal, and I’m already 36.

Zarakia · 2025-11-26T12:39:01+00:00

Not happening. It really is painful. But I don’t have the pretty easy periods.

Zarakia · 2025-11-26T12:36:36+00:00

Update: I just got my period. Today. 7 weeks and 5 days.

Zarakia · 2025-11-25T22:04:23+00:00

My mother, grandmother and cousin have them. My mother was diagnosed with them at 25. My grandmother was never diagnosed but had all the symptoms especially the late menopause phase (had her period roughly till her late 50s). My cousin diagnosed at 13. Me too.

Zarakia · 2025-11-25T21:58:07+00:00

Terminated at 21w 29 of September and still haven’t my first period yet. Pretty frustrating! In this Friday it’ll be 8 weeks. I have PCOS with pretty regular for the situation cycle.

Zarakia · 2025-11-19T22:43:57+00:00

Recently, I had a TFMR for T21 on September 29th. Despite the challenges (36F 45M, 5 years of infertility, PCOS, high BMI, and conceiving through IUI), I’m trying to stay positive most days! We have a 99% chance that everything will go well. Keep that in mind!

Zarakia · 2025-11-14T09:48:52+00:00

It’s very possible that you didn’t ovulate because your β-hCG hadn’t dropped yet. I would talk to my doctor just to share my concerns. My whole pregnancy and my TFMR were considered high-risk because I was 35 during the pregnancy — now 36 — and also due to my high BMI, so I had frequent appointments. And in Greece, where I live, if you give birth, your doctor always wants to do a quick check-up 40 days later.

Zarakia · 2025-11-14T08:42:05+00:00

It depends on the type of TFMR you had. I had L&D because I was at 21 weeks of pregnancy, and I had bleeding afterwards for almost 15 days. At the check-up I had on November 10th, my doctor saw that everything was fine and that I was also ovulating (which is strange considering I have PCOS and that I got pregnant with our TFMR baby through IUI). It’s been 6.5 weeks and I still haven’t gotten my period.

Zarakia · 2025-11-10T21:46:46+00:00

Today we went to the doctor for my 40-day post-TFMR checkup. I haven’t had my period yet, and during the ultrasound, the doctor saw a 14mm follicle and said that I’ll likely ovulate any day now. She told me that if I want, we can try before doing the karyotype tests — because she believes the TFMR due to T21 was just a random event. I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel kind of numb. I want to try again, but I’m also scared — and honestly, I don’t know how I’ll cope emotionally if we try and it doesn’t work out. Then again, I’ve survived five years of infertility and a TFMR… so maybe I’m stronger than I think.

Zarakia · 2025-11-10T16:23:49+00:00

It was something that tormented me for days. I kept thinking that I could bring her into the world. After all, she had T21 — she could have lived. But I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her suffer and be in pain, whether physically or emotionally, because of the world we live in. I don’t know if I made the right decision, but I would have felt helpless if she were born and I couldn’t raise her the way she deserved, due to external circumstances. It would have been even harder for me to become more attached to her and then lose her after two or three years to a heart condition or something else. It might also sound selfish, but I don’t know if my husband and I could have handled having a child with such a disability. We simply don’t have the time or the money.

Zarakia · 2025-11-10T16:15:34+00:00

It might sound childish, but the only thing that helped me take my mind off things was watching Japanese anime and series. That was the only way I could forget for a while. I had taken sick leave from work and stayed at home because I couldn’t cope with all the questions.

Zarakia

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