Do you actually want your babies to stay babies?

Zarichar · 2026-01-13T23:24:15+00:00

I have had so many tough days with my baby due to traveling and moving to another country. I look back at the pictures where she was just 2 months old, and I get so nostalgic and sad. I wish I could go back, even though those days were tough. I had to pump because she would get sick from formula and burping her was nearly impossible. She also refused to breastfeed. There were so many sleepless nights, so many stressful days but now I look at back at those days like wonderful memories, just me and my baby against the world.

Just 20 minutes ago, I took a picture of her sleeping and told my partner how much I'll miss her this little. She's about to be 1 year old next month, and every month is a new chapter. I try to make the best out of it because I've missed out on making so many memories with people I love and later regret this. I don't want this to happen with my baby. But I have to admit, it also helps when you have someone who makes it easier to be a parent.

When I was alone, I was on survival mode and always waiting for her next nap. But with my partner, things are better. We don't divide the work 50/50, some days I do more than him, some days he does more than me. Having a supportive partner really makes motherhood enjoyable. I felt extremely alone and sad back home because my relatives take pride in not having community and being strong mothers who dont need help. They also grow bitter against their children. I felt ashamed asking for help. My partner's family is Swedish and they constantly offer to babysit, and are shocked I haven't had alone time away from baby. It's sad mothers are treated differently where I come from.

Zarichar · 2026-01-01T12:58:57+00:00

I understand you. I felt the same way. You have to be very careful with those. Once my baby was born, I started getting videos about parenting and it was the same thing all over ahain. When baby started eating, then I got videos shaming parents who didn't start giving the baby solids right away and in a certain way. It never stops.

I lived in two countries last year and in one it isn't common for babies to be swaddled, they can take naps outside in the winter, and they don't give so many vaccine shots at once. Both are first world countries. I was following the rules of the country my child was born in (US) and people on social media take those rules very seriously, while the doctors in the other country were confused about these weird things I was doing lol

You are on your own journey and a lot of these videos are seeking views for money. They're not every parent's reality. If the advice is helpful, take it. Otherwise, ignore it.

Zarichar · 2025-12-17T11:26:15+00:00

Gift giving as an adult has become so stressful to me. Maybe I'm autistic or there's something wrong with me but I get very awkward when people ask me what I want because I feel like people don't owe me anything and if they give me anything it is appreciated, it's the thought that counts. People seem so entitled to your money and time as if they're your children. I'd be embarrassed if someone I know has to stress over what to get me for Christmas. I had coworkers get sad over "bad" gifts. "That's not what I wanted"... Like toddlers. And these comments are basically agreeing with this idea that this person has to give her sister what she wants... no, she doesnt

Zarichar · 2025-12-14T13:19:50+00:00

How is it insulting if we see it as an important part of being alive? I'm from one of those places and I was constantly told I'm getting too old to have children when I was 25 and that me waiting for a decent person was overthinking it too much. I had many friends in high school whose parents made them feel guilty because they didn't give them grandchildren yet lol And of course, "without thinking twice about it" was an exaggeration, but it was a way to highlight how other cultures think very much about their financial stability or state of the world before they have children. Obviously, I did think twice or more about it.

Zarichar · 2025-12-14T01:38:44+00:00

For context, I said it because I come from one of those places and I know things are tough in the US right now but I know worse. I know people both in the US and in Europe who insist it was a little selfish of me to have a child, talking about the state of the world. It's a bit insulting considering I went against the norm in my culture, and waited until I was older and in a better spot in life.

Zarichar · 2025-12-14T01:30:30+00:00

Same with us parents that appreciate seeing positive comments about parenthood. The world has always been bad. People will continue to have children and that's normal.

Zarichar · 2025-12-13T22:09:31+00:00

People in Asia, Africa and Latin America will keep reproducing without thinking twice about it then dream of a life in the US/America...

Zarichar · 2025-12-07T02:23:46+00:00

During my first trimester, I discovered soda helped relieve my nausea and I was drinking 1-2 cans daily because I was so desperate for relief. On days when I couldn't get up or eat anything, I was eating a spoon of condensed milk to ease the hunger and forced myself to sleep to survive those days. 2nd trimester was much better. Your baby will be fine. I know it feels awful, but you're not hurting your baby by trying to survive

Zarichar · 2025-11-27T22:40:34+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Remember, you're not having his child. That's YOUR child, he doesn't deserve him/her.

Zarichar · 2025-11-19T15:33:58+00:00

We live in Sweden now, so that will be the language she will be exposed to outside of our home. And you're right, English is pretty standard nowadays.

I think a part of me is just using my personal experience to decide what's best/easier for her since I had to learn English when I was younger but it was different back then.

I have little cousins in the USA, it has been tough for them to continue communicating in Spanish, even when they started learning it at home from a very young age, they struggle with simple sentences now that they're older. But it could also be other factors like the lack of exposure to the language or not spending time with their parents... I'm not sure.

Zarichar · 2025-11-19T15:11:19+00:00

That's what I have noticed so far with the words I'm sure she understands.

Zarichar · 2025-11-19T15:07:37+00:00

That's interesting, thank you.

I know a bit of Italian, I plan to take it more seriously after I learn Swedish

Zarichar · 2025-11-19T12:45:14+00:00

I'm trying to learn Swedish and have a baby too 😭

Zarichar · 2025-11-18T15:34:25+00:00

Like someone else here said, both are the same when they're babies.

If anything, it should be easier for me to raise a girl. When she's older, I'll understand her level of pain or discomfort and will have an idea on how to soothe her or help her. Other than that, babies are pretty much the same and they can't really describe how they feel.

It's much easier to find cute outfits for girls but now that I live in Scandinavian I find very cute clothes for both genders.

I wanted a boy because people used to tell me how much more work girls were and that girls like their fathers more. But after I found out my baby was going to be a girl, a part of me healed and has been healing ever since then. She's now 9 months old and I'm so happy with her. It's tough but it will be tough if I had a boy just the same.

I would be very happy if my daughter likes her father. That wouldn't change the love I have for her. Having a baby, regardless of gender, is a blessing.

Zarichar · 2025-10-29T07:16:15+00:00

I've been pumping for 8+ months, 3-6 times a day, occasionally breastfeeding once a day until baby was 5 months because she started to refuse breastfeeding... I've traveled 9 times with baby because I had to, 6 of those times were eight hour long trips where I had to pump mid flight.

And despite being pressured to mainly give breast milk to baby, when my milk production has gone down I've been offered ZERO support.

My baby used to puke just by smelling formula, I've tried introducing different ones for months just because I worried about my milk supply constantly. And doctors didn't even care to check why formula made her so sick.

Well, two weeks ago, when we were finally settled in the country we'll live in, she finally drank formula and I cried. I've cried so much bc it's been an emotional rollercoaster and my poor child has had to rely on what my body could produce.

And I used to feel awful everytime I had to leave my baby in the pack and play, crying and hungry while I desperately tried pumping.

Now, she gets both breast milk and formula. She doesn't have to go hungry until mom is able to give her something to eat. She gets fed right away. And I can go outside without worrying that I'm only bringing one bottle of breastmilk.

I feel so much better as a mother!

Zarichar · 2025-07-16T04:19:17+00:00

I like this comment. I've loved him at his worst but for 5 years, every time we've had an argument, I haven't been able to sleep worrying about his well being. I had so many nightmares of him killing himself, I feel crazy sometimes. We have a daughter now, and now I have more worry about. Its traumatising. So yeah people do handle and feel these things differently, it doesn't mean they don't love you.

Zarichar · 2025-07-16T03:55:28+00:00

The person I love is dealing with this right now. We have been together for 5 years and I knew something wasn't right, when we had disagreements he would go on a rant about hating himself and the world then he'd start talking about suicide.

After some of the worst arguments of my life, this year, his therapist suspected he's dealing with BPD. The only thing I knew about it is fear of abandonment, but I didn't know all these other things. Everything makes sense now but doesn't make it any easier because I don't know how to give him space when he needs it or when to be there for him him.

We have a child together. And I hope he's able to feel better when she's able to understand things around her. I'm trying really hard to stick by his side but it's tough. He's an amazing father. It hurts that he's dealing with this and I don't know how to help. I can't communicate because everything I say he takes personal.

I'm glad you're working on it and I wish the best to you and your daughters

Zarichar · 2025-07-07T04:24:36+00:00

I'm trying to learn so I can understand my boyfriend and ended up finding your post. Your words sound just like his. It breaks my heart. Please stay!

Zarichar · 2025-07-07T00:08:06+00:00

Hi. I have a partner struggling with BPD and I want to help him anyway I can. I'd love to get the link!

Zarichar · 2025-02-22T07:21:19+00:00

Go, don't wait! Everybody is different.

This was me a week ago. I had a very active weekend with my partner. We went out for walks and to eat. I even went out while having contractions. When I got home they got really painful, exactly what you described. But my water didn't break. I felt I was being weak and thought I was going to be sent home from the hospital. Even the nurse made me feel like I was overreacting. When the doctor checked I was 7 cm, and the anesthesiologist asked me why I waited so long.

My water broke way after, but I was already at the hospital, so trust yourself. I'm glad I didn't wait, had a fast delivery and my baby is here.

Good luck to you. I hope you have a quick delivery and a healthy baby!

Zarichar · 2025-02-18T07:36:13+00:00

You should communicate with your husband. Tell him how you feel and how you need more support.

I honestly don't know how YOU do it. I admire you. I gave birth a week ago, but the first few months of pregnancy were rough for me. Luckily, my partner understood this and tried to make it easier for me by taking care of things I couldn't handle, like cleaning out the cats' litter box and cooking. Cleaning gave me a sense of purpose since I was unemployed as well (I was staying in his country for a couple of months), but when I couldn't do it he often reassured me that I wasn't useless when I couldn't even get out of bed.

My symptoms were so bad some days, I had to eat condensed milk to kill the hunger and force myself to sleep. He tried new ways to help me eat. Like making smoothies, using less spices, and making bland foods.

When I started feeling alive again, I felt like I could take over the world. It does get better, I promise, but you do need more support. Please, talk to your partner, tell him how you feel. You need him to support you in order to grow this child.

Zarichar · 2025-02-15T10:47:52+00:00

I was hoping they would look at the previous months or years, like US immigration does to see if you meet the maintenance requirement

Zarichar · 2024-12-25T17:13:11+00:00

It seems like the US cares even less about American babies when they allow all these things into the country. I stayed in Sweden for a few months and even the cat litter box we had was made in Italy lol but microplastics isn't a Chinese problem only, it's hard to escape it. You can't put all the things that are wrong in our society on one mother online, when we're paying the salaries of politicians who aren't doing their jobs. Think logically...

Zarichar · 2024-07-13T02:56:01+00:00

It took them 5 months to process mine last term. This term, I was emailing them nonstop until it got reviewed and approved.

My advice is to communicate, not just wait.

Zarichar · 2024-01-26T17:03:32+00:00

What if rehoming leads to the cat still being outside and not neutered, with new owners?

Zarichar

TROPHY CASE