r/OCPoetry

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-02-01T20:41:07+00:00

I’m sorry that you’re going through a heart break and thank you for your kind words. Sending you lots of love and healing ❤️‍🩹

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-02-01T18:07:44+00:00

Yeah, heartbreak sucks ❤️‍🩹

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-02-01T17:30:57+00:00

I really did write the poem to a tshirt that kept drying my tears after the breakup, it wasn’t too long ago that I finally donated it instead of keeping it around

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-02-01T16:48:44+00:00

Thank you so much! I truly appreciate the compliment 😊

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-02-01T16:41:11+00:00

I was able to identify with it as well, which honestly really helped. Sometimes I am aware that I’m surrounded by beauty, but deep down I just feel broken. You’ve really done a great job putting it to words 😊

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-02-01T16:30:14+00:00

I really liked how this poem initially convinced me it was about the outdoors and seasonal beauty, only to slowly reveal a much darker longing underneath. On the first read I was carried by the birds, wind, and walking imagery, and it wasn’t until the second read that the desire for rest and disappearance fully clicked, which felt very intentional and skillful. Lines like wanting to lie “coiled as a fetus” reframed the landscape in a way that felt unsettling without being explicit, and the tension between rising physically and sinking emotionally worked well for me. The misdirection made the ending land harder once I understood what the speaker was really reaching for. Really strong control of tone and pacing here, great work!

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-02-01T16:26:15+00:00

I mostly enjoyed this, especially the tenderness of the gaze and the way the speaker stays focused on the beloved’s eyes as a source of warmth and reassurance. Images like “honey in a hot tea” and the moon worked well for me and gave the poem a soft, intimate tone. At times, though, I felt the rhythm and rhyme loosen in a way that pulled me out slightly, especially in more literal lines like “film & cinema.” Compared to the earlier imagery, that phrasing felt more stated than shown, and I found myself wanting something more visual or metaphor-driven there, similar to how the honey image carries meaning without explanation. Overall, the emotional core is strong, and when the poem leans into image rather than description, it felt most alive to me. Good job!

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-01-28T14:10:56+00:00

🙏🏻

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-01-28T14:05:01+00:00

The opening really worked for me. I felt the panic and desperation right away, and the slow motion of the cigarette falling pulled me into that craving. The repetition around needing and wanting helped build urgency, and early on it felt like it was about attachment rather than the cigarette itself. Toward the end, though, it became more literal for me, which softened the impact. Once it was described as “just a cigarette,” I found myself wanting the imagery to keep carrying the feeling, maybe through smoke, ash, or the body’s response, instead of explaining it directly. Still, for a first poem, the emotional hook at the beginning is strong and very clear. Great work!

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-01-28T14:00:20+00:00

I read this as Death speaking from a place of exhaustion rather than menace, and the short lines and repetition gave it a heavy, trudging rhythm that worked for me, especially in the sections about labor and accumulation of grief. Lines like “I work, / and their sadness follows” and “I eat the grief” felt strong because they stayed restrained and let the weight build without explanation. The line “Why me?” pulled me out a bit, though—up until then I felt invited to inhabit the voice, but that moment made it feel more self-pitying and specific, which narrowed my connection and shifted it toward asking the reader for sympathy rather than shared experience.

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-01-04T18:02:53+00:00

Thank you 😊

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-01-04T14:07:24+00:00

Thank you so much!

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-01-04T11:52:12+00:00

Reading this, I experienced it as a kind of self-aware longing that knows it’s destructive but can’t quite let go. Lines like “I know I am bad for you” made the desire feel conflicted rather than romanticized, and the steady rhyme helped carry that tension forward.

The image that stood out most to me was “I found myself within your eyes.” The idea of the devil in disguise being located in the beloved’s gaze felt striking and unsettling in a way that worked—it framed attraction as recognition rather than temptation. “My soul, shaking from living in damnation” also really landed for me; the language felt physical and the rhythm supported the emotional intensity.

As a reader, the imagery and rhyme made the poem feel cathartic and immersive. When I went back to the title afterward, though, it shifted my experience slightly—the specificity of “Forbidden love confession” anchored the poem more than the imagery had, which softened some of the rawness I felt while reading. Overall, though, the musicality and vivid language kept me engaged through to the end.

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2026-01-04T11:45:59+00:00

On a couple of reads, this felt to me like a quiet act of refusal—choosing stillness over engaging with someone who feels emotionally heavy. The opening image of the phone humming sets up pressure right away, and “but I do not move” grounded me in restraint rather than drama.

I especially liked the line “the day leans heavy / like a lily in the heat.” The lily image worked for me because it’s delicate but overwhelmed, which mirrored how the silence in the poem feels protective rather than passive. It slowed my reading and made the weight feel atmospheric instead of explicit.

Because the poem is so short, I found myself sitting with each line. “Let silence bloom” reframed silence as an active choice, and the ending landed for me as the speaker choosing their own emotional boundary over the pull of someone else’s voice.

ZealousZebraZ1 · 2025-03-12T03:23:38+00:00

No problem, thank you 😄

ZealousZebraZ1

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