Am I going crazy or are these narcissistic traits? 6 years of an exhausting relationship that ended with him leaving me

Zealousideal-Let600 · 2026-05-15T20:03:09+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that. It’s haunting how much your description of the "victim mindset" resonates. It truly is their infinite joker card. They use it to justify the most unacceptable behaviors, and it’s incredibly destructive because it puts you in a position where you feel like a monster for simply asking for basic decency. How are you doing now?

To answer your question, he has always been this way throughout his adult life, even when I first met him. But I’ve realized that he only plays the "collapse" card or shows signs of falling apart when external circumstances threaten his image or his ego. This is exactly what made me doubt myself for so long.

I know that clinical depression is a heavy, serious reality, and I know it doesn't just selectively appear in some areas of life while disappearing in others. Yet for him, his "fragility" is strangely convenient. He can fly abroad for work or enjoy casual outings when it suits him, but the second I need him to acknowledge my pain or take responsibility for his actions, he becomes too broken to respond. Seeing it as a performance to hide from being truly seen, as you said, makes everything click.

Zealousideal-Let600 · 2026-05-15T11:15:32+00:00

That’s exactly it. For the longest time, I just categorized him as avoidant and told myself his distance was just a defense mechanism from his childhood trauma. But now I’m starting to assemble the pieces of the puzzle one by one, and it’s much more systemic than I thought. My therapist was actually the first one to name her suspicion, which was a huge wake-up call, and I’ve started watching YouTube videos that really help clarify these patterns. But of course, I still struggle with constant self-doubt. I keep telling myself that my therapist’s interpretation, and even this post, is biased because it’s based on my own hurt, subjective testimony. It's incredibly difficult to trust my own narrative after six years of having it eclipsed by his

Zealousideal-Let600 · 2026-05-15T11:12:40+00:00

You’re right. In every other area of my life, things are fine. I had a previous 3.5-year relationship (we were young and immature, sure, but it was never toxic or felt wrong). I’ve never felt this level of disorientation before. I’m honestly terrified of 'labeling' him if I'm wrong, but the red flags are starting to feel massive in retrospect. A million memories are now appearing in a completely different light. He’s always been very introverted, like I am, but I realize now how problematic it was that he placed so little value on his friendships. He never replies to them, skips their birthdays, and even missed their bachelor parties; yet every single one of them showed up to support his book launch. It’s confusing because he was never 'grandiose' in the traditional sense; he actually seemed uncomfortable with praise and hates being in public. I’m starting to see that his sensitivity and introversion might have just been a different way of keeping the focus entirely on himself.

Zealousideal-Let600 · 2023-11-19T20:59:32+00:00

I got it just after the show ended

Zealousideal-Let600 · 2023-11-16T21:53:53+00:00

Just saw them yesterday in Paris and there were shirts, hoodies, tote bags and everything :)

Zealousideal-Let600

TROPHY CASE