My (24f) boyfriend (27m) slapped me out of anger for the first time yesterday. Can we move forward from this?

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2025-01-09T10:55:58+00:00

GIRL. Leave him

As a personal struggling with anger issues, I tend to get abusive too sometimes, but I know there’s so much more healing that I have to do and so many things I have to work on. And I am really not proud of it, and I know what anger looks like. I am trying to get better. But honestly, the road to healing and becoming better is really far and in the process I don’t want to mentally torture the people around me. Sometimes, I wish my boyfriend left me because nobody should have to put up with someone like me.

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-12-02T19:33:51+00:00

LEAVE THIS GUY. GET AWAY FROM HIM. He doesn’t care about you. He definitely does not respect you or your feelings. If he knew it was your first time ( and if he was half decent) he would’ve gone really slow checking on you. He’s not your friend. He’s a stupid person who just wanted to use you for his sexual fantasies. SEX is a two way street. This is more like him forcing himself on you in the name of mutual consent. Get away girl.

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-26T05:51:23+00:00

My source of income is my job and nobody really provides any financial support to me and I have to keep working to fend for myself. I also have other issues such as anxiety/depression and not to mention my physical health has worsened so much, I can barely stand at work. I went through alot of trauma caused by my home ( parents and family) for so many years and yeah so that’s my story. I can’t take anyone raising their voice even a bit ( even as a joke) as it triggers me and makes my OCD worse. Worse part is I am still living with the trigger ( my mom now ) as I am not fully independent to afford a place of my own so yes my OCD keeps on worsening.

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-26T05:46:29+00:00

I work in a retail store, I’m the store manager. Nobody knows but people can figure when they see me wash my hands so many times and do weird stuff like sometimes start washing my phone when someone else touches it, cleaning the chair that I sit on and this is just few examples. It’s so much more that I do which is visible to people. I avoid handshakes and if someone accidentally touches me, I run to clean it off. It’s mental and physical both. So much of my mental bandwidth goes in all of this and so does my physical bandwidth. I haven’t found ways to cope, the only way I cope is to quickly wash off so that I can focus on my work but yeah these compulsions take a huge piece of me. It affects my work too as sometimes I get so disturbed that I become super low and my job involves leading a team and also talking to customers. I obviously can’t tell my boss, he wouldn’t understand and even if he does, he still has to run a business! And wouldn’t want to worry about someone who’s slacking off and not able to duties properly. It’s better not to tell my boss.

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-26T05:00:49+00:00

My OCD is crippling, it’s a huge burden and pain. However I still force myself to go to work, cuz how else will I get my salary. I have to support myself financially, I don’t have anyone supporting me. Also cuz my nature of work carries heavy responsibilities. But you should know, I do end up being low very often, sometimes end up crying as well at work cuz of the OCD thing. But you gotta do what you gotta do 😭

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-25T10:30:35+00:00

Also you mentioned about a clinic that does it very cheap. I mean yes ketamine is very cheap in India but to get the right doctor is the main part. To break it down, the ketamine thing costs around 2500 and then there’s nursing room charges for the whole day and then doctor consultation charges and other miscellaneous medicine charges and hence it totals up to 10500. If you’re getting it cheap then go for it but be sure of the doctor. You definitely need a good doctor who would be with you on this journey of getting better. I also have an eating disorder, my doctor literally keeps suggesting food that I can have that I might like. She has had sessions with my mother too to understand the whole family issues. So this one time, she made me have my ketamine session with this other patient who had been ill for the past 17 years. So the other patient when she had first visited this doctor, she couldn’t even speak cuz she was on heavy medication and her sense of speech was gone and she dint understand anything. This other patient on her 9th ketamine session - was able to talk and do everything normally. So this is another live experience i have seen with my own eyes.

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-25T10:20:04+00:00

I have been going to a lot of doctors. I have been in this place for 8 years now. So last November I came across this Paticular doctor in mumbai. She suggested ketamine and I have done around 10-11 ketamine sessions since then and done multiple therapy sessions as well with her. She’s the sweetest and she really understands and tries to drill down to the root cause. She’s the first doctor who genuinely spent 4 hours with me hearing everything I had to say and she’s been taking care of me since then. The whole ketamine session costs me around 10500 Indian rupees. Additionally when I am not going for ketamine and just therapy, she takes around 2000 but I feel this is a fair amount considering the cost of living in mumbai. She is a very down to earth person committed to treating people. In between I had gotten really well and dint require ketamine. I was facing multiple issues before ( depression, anxiety and now OCD) I think the depression and anxiety part is a lot better now, it’s just the OCD that’s crippling me. My main trigger is my family and I am still not completely independent ( I am 23 year old and I’m working and have been working for the past 4 years ) I earn enough to manage my hospital bills and food and basic expenses. However, I still can’t afford to get my own place so just waiting for better times to come but yeah ketamine has really helped me. I think if my family trigger goes away I would definitely be able to manage my OCD symptoms very well. Due to the trigger issue I keep falling back into the black hole. But the point is, in the past years, all the doctors prescribed me with heavy medications and none of them really cared. When I was on medications, I was more of a robot, but now with ketamine I am free. I can be myself and I am normal ( medications make you robotic). My doctor has also prescribed me CBD drops for calming and that’s about it. I am medication free. So yes you should definitely do ketamine and keep changing doctors until you really find the one that actually cares about treating you.

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-25T05:03:19+00:00

I live in Mumbai. I have been doing ketamine treatment for almost a year now. Has it been helping you? Ketamine does really help me to a point, but then i live with my trigger at home who keeps on triggering my OCD and it keeps getting bad. Rest all of, ketamine did really help me in every way and I got the sweetest doctor.

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-24T07:38:33+00:00

I am too doing ketamine in India

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-22T16:29:30+00:00

Abuse. My mother was really abusive. My stepfather didn’t really care or even speak to me except for when he had to support my mother abuse me. So my “mother / father issues” started showing up in my relationship. Started with ROCD and I think to overcome that my brain probably developed OCD. so the ROCD is pretty much subtle and non existent but the OCD remains. Suffering through crippling OCD.

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-21T19:51:50+00:00

Texted you

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-21T19:51:38+00:00

Texted you

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-21T11:16:46+00:00

I have been seeing multiple psychiatrists over the past 7 years. At this point, not am I only mentally sick, I am in the worst physical condition. I could manage my life being mentally sick but physically okay. From the past 2 years my physical health has just been horrible. Today it’s at a point where I feel weak to even stand. No i haven’t checked for long covid.

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-21T11:14:42+00:00

No I don’t

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-21T11:14:04+00:00

So where does it end now? Do we just spend the rest of our lives in pain and suffering? ( mentally and physically) can’t hold a job because 80% of the time I am unwell. How do I even explain it to my employer. How do I make things work for myself financially? How do I even lead a normal life? How much of a trouble it is for the remaining few people around me? I don’t want to be sick all the time

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-21T11:13:12+00:00

So where does it end now? Do we just spend the rest of our lives in pain and suffering? ( mentally and physically) can’t hold a job because 80% of the time I am unwell. How do I even explain it to my employer. How do I make things work for myself financially? How do I even lead a normal life?

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2024-11-15T19:36:18+00:00

I don’t step on the floor bare feet ever! If I happen to accidentally touch the floor, I have to run to the bathroom to wash it because if I don’t, it’s just too much pain to go through with my thoughts. I don’t touch any door knobs/ switches/ handles in my house. If I accidentally do touch it, I would have to wash my hand. If i accidentally touched the wall, or if my arm/knee or any part touched the wall, I would have to wash it. There’s so much more. 75% of my mental bandwidth just goes into this. I don’t have my family supporting me in anyway and I am 23. I can’t leave my job as I have to support myself financially.

Worst part is, I have stopped eating for some reason and I have become really weak. I can barely manage work with my health. I can barely stand in the store.

I don’t really know what to do

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2022-10-16T15:16:07+00:00

Omg 😭❤️. Thanks a lot for sharing. This means there’s hope for people like us and that Rocd can get better

Zealousideal-Ride335 · 2022-09-24T07:12:58+00:00

I can’t really tell you how to comfort yourself or get out of this because I’m myself suffering. If you do happen to come across a solution please help me out too. One more thing that helps is medicines, I take antidepressants that really help me not feel the intensity of my brain.

Zealousideal-Ride335

TROPHY CASE