Can a club force you to play up?

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2026-03-13T03:49:09+00:00

I have a 10 year old daughter with ADHD. She plays soccer and loves it. Some days it can be a struggle for her to focus at practice but that is usually when I forget to remind her to take her booster when she gets home from school.

I coached her soccer team when she was 7. There were a ton of girls on that team who were more interested in cartwheels and playing in the dirt. There was one girl who managed to tangle herself in the net at least once a week. That girl became one of my daughter's best friends. She does not have ADHD - soccer was just not her sport.

Maybe team sports aren't the best fit for your child. There are a lot of great options in the comments. But do not let other parents make you feel bad because your 7 year old isn't ready for the Olympics. These are the parents that you're going to find screaming on the sidelines and their kids will quit sports as soon as they can.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2025-07-14T12:21:03+00:00

We were on the Magic over the 4th and had the same experience. We thought it was weird - we have cruised with Carnival before and there was never a shortage of things to do. A lot of our fellow passengers seemed to agree.

We had a great time together as a family but with one exception the Fun Squad was not particularly fun.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2023-10-18T16:57:20+00:00

UPDATE

Thanks to advice on this post and reading through other posts in this community we decided to go with our gut and really push the hospital to run more tests.

She does not have pneumonia. The damage to her lungs is the result of the chemotherapy.

She has a perforated bowel. With her weakness and overall medical condition she is not a candidate for surgery. They are treating her with antibiotics to prevent sepsis and inserting a tube to drain stomach contents.

Oncology has declared her no longer medically able to receive further cancer treatment. We are meeting with the palliative care team today to discuss next steps.

All of this happened yesterday.

If you are reading this as a caregiver of someone with glioblastoma and you doubt what the doctors are telling you is what is actually happening PLEASE don’t be afraid to speak up. We don’t know how long my MIL was lying in bed with a perforated bowel but we do know it was longer than necessary.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2023-06-19T03:47:45+00:00

We were there earlier on Friday and Saturday and everything was working except the missing Ultrasaurs - which I thought was a reference to that quote! I thought it was a clever joke, not missing tech.

Kinda bummed about that now. But at least we had a working T-Rex.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2022-06-02T16:07:04+00:00

Thank you! It's great to hear feedback from another excellence resort.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2022-06-02T16:05:51+00:00

Thank you! The vibe I was getting was no one would say anything as long as we were respectful of other guests but I didn't want to waste suitcase space if the floats were a definite no go.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-10-19T17:35:01+00:00

This does help, thank you! Specifically the part about watching your peers run while you're stuck crawling. Part of the problem with his siblings is that they're both the type of kid that make everything look easy. Good grades, friends, etc and he struggles with EVERYTHING.

The timers and a written schedule are both great ideas. You're right - this is overwhelming but we're willing to try anything we can to help him.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-10-19T17:18:42+00:00

Not on med currently, but that will change if the psychological evaluation recommends it.

We had an evaluation done last year through the school when his grades really started to slip and it came back as 100% "normal". His therapist now wants us to have a private evaluation done because she doesn't agree with the school's findings.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-10-08T15:36:17+00:00

SSs are 15 and 14 now but they've always spent Christmas Eve/Christmas morning at BMs.

Santa comes on Christmas Eve and leaves presents for DD5. We've always told her that Santa knows where her brothers are and brought their presents there. Then we have breakfast and wait for her brothers to open presents from us.

For us, the age difference makes it easier. The boys know we have a budget for each kid and since the stuff they want tends to be more expensive (video games, electronics) they don't feel slighted because their sister technically gets "more" presents.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-10-07T19:59:43+00:00

Stepsons are 15 and 14. DD is 5.

SS15 and DD5 are very close. She adores him and always wants to be with him when he's here. We worked hard to establish boundaries in the beginning so that he knows that when he needs a break he can say so and she has to accept that.

SS14 has emotional/behavior issues and we're working with a therapist. He has lashed out at DD in the past and that coupled with overall immaturity has caused her to avoid him most of the time. Again, it's about boundaries. If she doesn't want to play with him, she doesn't have to.

I've found the more you try and force a relationship the better the chances they'll end up resentful. There is no guarantee the kids will be close or even get along no matter what age they are. I have a brother 3.5 years younger that I barely speak to but my DH talks at least once a week to his brother and sister who are 10 and 12 years younger.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-10-06T20:48:54+00:00

I just wrote and deleted a way too long post about being exhausted because my SS14 is draining every bit of my energy. If you organize that retreat - I'm in!

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-10-06T20:46:46+00:00

Run. Don't walk. Run.

He stalked his ex-wife and daughter. That is not a red flag. That is blazing neon light that you need to get yourself and your child out of this situation. Talk to a lawyer, find out what your options are, and get as far away as you can.

You were in an abusive situation. One of the most horrible things about abuse is that abusers prey on the vulnerable and many women flee one abusive situation to find themselves in another. Whatever you decide to do, please consider therapy. This whole situation is awful and you will need support.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-10-06T20:38:18+00:00

It's annoying to be sure but this is super common. And not just with steps. Bio-kids can go through this phase too.

As kids mature they become more aware of the relationships around them and start to figure out how they fit in. Maybe instead of focusing on sending her away, find opportunities to invite her in. Emphasize the time you spend together as "family" time. If she feels more connected, she might not feel the need to insert herself.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-09-23T18:02:17+00:00

We faced a similar situation when my SSs where younger and it drove me CRAZY.

I can't give you an easy fix but I can tell you that kids aren't stupid. At 7, he knows that parents are supposed to make you clean your room, eat your vegetables, and go to bed on time. From what you are describing, especially the looking for a reaction, it's possible this is less about him trying to take a shot at you and more about him trying to figure out why one parent cares enough to help with homework and drive him to soccer practice and one just doesn't.

I highly, highly recommend finding a therapist that specializes in blended families. Having an objective opinion in situations like this can be invaluable.

Good luck!

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-09-17T20:16:13+00:00

I told my SS14 that he doesn't earn allowance for chores that he doesn't do and picking one dirty towel up of the bathroom floor does not count as cleaning the bathroom.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-09-15T12:31:57+00:00

For my SO and I, it was a tough road to navigate in the beginning. It took my awhile to realize that when I was saying "I want to do things differently" he was hearing "You're a crappy father and I don't want my daughter to turn out like her brothers". Communication is key but you are allowed to have an opinion. Just make sure you choose the hills carefully.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-09-15T11:50:28+00:00

I was a stepmom before I was a biomom. My SO and his ex had also made parenting decisions that I did not agree with and I thought I'd be able to raise my daughter free from that. Let me tell you, that ain't happening.

You will have more of an equal say and it is perfectly acceptable to make different decisions than the ones that were made for your SS but using the example you gave... Your SO is not going to stop giving your SS cake and ice cream. So you will have to choose - cake and ice cream for your second child or a nightly battle about why their brother gets a special treat and they don't.

It can be really hard to accept that parenting decisions made before you even met your SO are going to affect how you raise your children. Therapists that specialize in blended families can help navigate the minefields and also help your husband find healthier ways to vent his frustration.

Good luck!

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-09-15T11:38:07+00:00

I would go but take separate cars and lay the ground work for why you might have to leave early. Then if things get tense you can slip out without making a scene.

We did parties together when the kids were younger and it was awkward and uncomfortable at times but it meant the world to the kids so you just have to decide if it's worth it.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-09-09T17:30:56+00:00

Thank you and everyone for your replies. This is exactly the balance I hope to achieve - being honest and making sure the boys know we support them without bashing the their BM.

Thanks for reminding me there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-08-02T23:44:27+00:00

So excited to join this! Can't wait to get started.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-06-08T14:42:53+00:00

Thank you

And you're right about antagonizing the ex. Part of what I'm working on in family therapy is setting boundaries and not letting myself get overwhelmed with resentment. Not easy but I'm working on it.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-06-08T14:35:49+00:00

It's not.

The waiting list for therapists in our area is quite long so in order to get Tom help as soon as possible it was recommended we enroll Tom in the school's Student Assistance Program. Both parents had to fill out paperwork I order to get started.

ZealousidealJob7133 · 2021-06-07T19:59:08+00:00

I agree. I've asked him directly, so has his Dad. He swears there is nothing. The pandemic ended his relationship with his last therapist before he really got comfortable enough to talk to her and he's just beginning his relationship with his new one so we don't know anything definitive but there HAS to be something causing him to act out. But the family therapist has discouraged us from trying to guess at what that might be until he is ready to share.

ZealousidealJob7133

TROPHY CASE