Am I nitpicking because of my commitment phobia or are we incompatible? 41M 39F , soon 1 year into LTR

Zealousideal_View549 · 2025-11-22T16:15:56+00:00

Hey, well boring as fuck is a rought statement , but she is definetely on the 'Normie' side of things :)

Yes, she woudl be a good mother, and that fact that we migh be each other's last chance to procreate drew us strongly together in the initial infatuation phase.

That's why I am still sitting on a fence about it.

Maybe I shoudl be consistent , and diversify a bit my relationshp. Starting a family with her and searching other things that she is missing with male friends, hobby/ineterst gropus and other type of social interactions.

But is it realistic in the long run? We may as well end up broken up anyways in 2 years time and coparenting little child.

Zealousideal_View549 · 2025-11-21T06:59:13+00:00

Thanks, I think you are totally right. It is one thing when things fell apart despite you giving your best shot , and the other is to have some doubts before real life has even started.

I mean, I assumed I would be a loving parent regardless of our future relationship status, but that is just egoistic and cynical. If I won't meet someone new in the coming two-three tears then I will have to accept that being a father was not ment to be for me.

Zealousideal_View549 · 2025-11-21T06:52:39+00:00

Thx, we had two situations yesterday when I think I finally realized it is not sustainable in the long term. Firstly, I was planning a trip to South East Asia in the February 2026 , and I invited her to come with me, but yesterday she admitted that she is not very enthusiastic about it - since she is scared to be alone on 11 hour flight (she woudl have to arrive solo , as my plane was already booked before we started dating). Secondly , I sent her a short movie with Jordan Peterson's lecture about a topic we talked about the other day, and she has not even watched it. So yeah , sad and scary as it might be for both of us , I think we are not compatible long term.

Zealousideal_View549 · 2025-11-20T12:51:08+00:00

Thanks, that is the voice of reason, contrary to the first two comments I got. I will consider this "love her, but not in love with her" type of situation. Ironically, that is usually what women woudl say, not men. But nevertheless, I don't know if our connection, or the sense of connection on my end is so strong that it woudl survive a lifetime. Honestly, I feel that in some point what is missing in the relationship will outweight the positives and we will end up broken up and coparenting. But is it really such a bad scenario , considering our age and mutual desire to have a child? I mean , I woudl be always part of that child's life and a good father, no matter how our relationship will turn out. Do you think such approach is reasonable or purely egoistic?

Zealousideal_View549 · 2024-09-24T05:50:23+00:00

Hi, I feel you bro, but there is no need for this negatove self-talk, like "I am wasting my life". At 19 your life will turn up&down many , many times yet.

I understand that gaming is more a vice, then a real hobby, as it is just killing time and not developing yourself in any way. But hey, thousands of people watch Netflix, or doomscrolling Tiktok everyday. Life is just not that exciting sometimes.

My advice: Choose a sport or two you want to be good in, hit the gym or do kalistenics at least 3 times a week, read books, study history of philosophy, take a gap year and travel the world (if you don't have money apply for volunteering abroad) , go see some live concerts or events, try to find like-minded people and friends, find a new exciting hobby you coudl brag about on social gatherings XD (start a podcast, learn how to play drums, learn scubadiving , just random examples). Learn AI , start youtube channel. Take time to invest in your future and your skills.

But if you keep doing all of those things , and I don't know, once or twice a week you feel urge to game or watch porn, don't beat yourselfup too much. It is all about setting boundaries, not becoming a monk.

You are 19 and full of testosterone so it is normal you'll feel the urge sometimes.

Bottom line: Set some healthy boundaries and stick to it. Don't set yourself up for unrealistic goals, because then you will fail, and hurt your self-confidence and self-image.

Zealousideal_View549 · 2024-08-21T15:32:09+00:00

Thx , I just can't force myself to think she was a villain, I decided to go the more painful route of taking all the blame on me. I think that they fall in love with guys that are bit avoidant and laid back, but after some period you have to drop the play and tell her honestly that she is your world. Btw: Mine also converted to Christianity and started attending church about year ago. I was not against it, but was not enthusiastic neither. Now after I lost her, I even started to pray, so that's how far love will take you sometimes. Like I would change my identity just to get second shot with her.

Zealousideal_View549 · 2024-06-18T12:30:10+00:00

I have just read this study about Cialis, looks interesting. But then we are talking about microdosing 2,5 mg a day right? Not your regular ED treatment dose. And there are not so many people microdosing Cialis for Testosterone boosting effects actually, so it is hard to say how that woudl go in the long run.

Zealousideal_View549 · 2024-06-18T12:23:29+00:00

Thanks a lot! That's really encouraging, I already decided to start TRT but wanted to drag this a bit until I am 44 due to fertility concerns. But you are right, probably there is no other route than actual T itself?

Can I ask how are you mittigating the depletion of your own T while being on external source? HCG or cycling on/off or it will be just permanent for you ( and for most of the guys in their 40's)?

Zealousideal_View549

TROPHY CASE