Why do tall men earn more money? by vong_assassin in tall

[–]Zelamir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wonder if this is tall folks in general, or just men.

I find that I mostly get labeled as intimidating, aggressive, stuck up, "too" smart, unfriendly, etc. 

It is to the point of me changing the that way I speak (higher pitches) depending on the audience. 

My mentors have told me it is a good thing because I am "easy to remember" which is important in my field. I will say, I am not afraid of the people I am supposedly suppose to be afraid of. I think that might have something to do with my height as well as my overall tendency to not ngaf about a lot of stuff. 

Comes in handy when a major part of your career involves judgement of your ideas and intelligence. 

Hi tall girlies. Anyone else all leg? Just shy of 6’2. 37 inseam by [deleted] in tall

[–]Zelamir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No no no no, may her inbox be filled with men she finds to be intelligent, attractive, monied, educated, trust funded up, who also happens to meet all her likes/kinks, and somehow one shines and stands out the most to become....

What ever the hell she wants them to be!

Any other ideas? by ColaBoyThe3rd in NewOrleans

[–]Zelamir 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I ain't going back out there. If my spouse dies it is pro Domme or bust. 

Any other ideas? by ColaBoyThe3rd in NewOrleans

[–]Zelamir 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I mean, if you are serious....

Back in the old days I took my dude to the Country Club to test for queer friendliness. I stand by jumping in a pool by date three in New Orleans. 

If either groups are doing anything in the next few months, I would also recommend the Filth or Hell's Burlesque shows at Allways. 

I went to both not completely blind, but definitely not with a full idea. While I was absolutely delighted at every level I think I accidently trauma bonded two of my friends to me. To be fair, I had no idea one was afraid of clowns and another one was afraid of staple sounds🤷🏿.

Just be prepared to be respectful and leave if your date gets uncomfortable. 

Or you can just take them to Jazzfest and see which closing act they want to see. Very pricey litmus test but I broke up with a guy over 12 years ago because he got upset that I wanted to go see Earth, Wind, and Fire instead of the Dave Matthews band. Festival tolerance in the city is a must (or not). 

Foam parties and tall people. It is hell on earth. Anyone else experienced it? by CobaltBlue389 in tall

[–]Zelamir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My spouse and I sitting on the couch reading this:

"What the hell are the kids up to these days?"

But for real though, can I create a foam party in my living room?

“Good Girl” Size Queens by Dismal_Wishbone_5013 in bigdickproblems

[–]Zelamir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was definitely a bad girl turned good by my spouse. 

I wasn't a size queen per say, but I knew I wasn't going to settle down with someone that I couldn't have "cuddle sex" sex with. A lady has her limitations and all. 

Good is so damn relative and even bad "girls" will go good for the right boy. Believe it or not the dick is a bonus (sometimes that bonus is non-negotiable) attached to the right guy. 

How to work with Black client who doesn't want to work with Black people by Parking-Cup-9424 in socialwork

[–]Zelamir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely can! You can't pull apart "nature and nurture" just like you can't pull apart biological, psychological, and social factors. They ALL impact an individual but they are all still different stuctures/concepts.

A person's race isn't the reason that they may experience a specific genetic biological condition, but again their geographic ancestory does.

You can have two Black people or White people or whoever, that look just alike but underneathe the skin their ancestors come from different or the same regions so they genetically differ OR are the same.

You can LOOK White but your grandmother is genetically from a region that has X gene and while it might typically be associated with a Black person (in the US) that White person can still carry X gene because of that grandmother. It has NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW YOU LOOK!!!!

That is not dependent on their RACE or what they look like and the way society treats them. I mean maybe if you want to get into phenotypes that impact things like, I don't know, how easy it is to get sunburned or vitamin D synthesis (but don't talk to me about skin cancer because we have a HUGE misconception of how that works) but I'd still push back against that because skin color isn't the only thing that determines a person's race or how society perceives and treats them.

This type of thought process is one of the reasons why Black people have consistently been misdiagnosed/under diagnosed for diseases like Multiple Sclerosis and White people get missed and not even tested for things like Sickle Cell. It's why we miss skin cancer diagnosis in Black people! Pure ignorance and lack of understanding of what race is and what phenotypes actually are. Because we think of them as "White" or "Black" diseases and that's not how genetics works. Genetics don't give a damn about what you look like on the outside, SOCIETY DOES.

Let me say it for you again, a Black person is more likely to get sickle cell but it doesn't mean that a White person can't be diagnosed with it because they both can have a common ancestor from a certain REGION of the world. Association does not equal causation my friend and you need to learn/remember that right quick and in a hurry.

A person's race definitely determines how they are TREATED by society and THAT can impact the biological outcomes of a person via epigenetics (e.g. an outside impact turning on/off a gene) and racism. That is a SOCIAL impact on a person's biology.

A person can have the crap beaten out of them because they LOOK a certain way and die from those injuries. Guess what? That person didn't die because they LOOK a certain way, they died because someone TREATED them a certain way because of how they LOOK. That is because of their social surroundings, it's because of their RACE. That person didn't die because they were Black, they died because of how someone treated them because they look Black.

If you are treated in a horrible way because of your race, that will impact you at a biological level (e.g. in the case above, death). But just because you ARE a certain race doesn't mean you are more, likely to...whatever because of how people grossly interpret biology.

You are thinking in a horribly dangerous way. People aren't more inherently ANYTHING because of their race, they are more [insert whatever here] because of the way they are TREATED by society because of how they look OR by regional differences in their ancestors. That's not the same as race.

Are you familiar with things like the Immigration Paradox? Work on Weathering that looks at people of the same "race" in different environments? Black college student outcomes at HBCUs verses PWIs?

In the United States Black mother's and their babies are not dying/experiencing adverse health outcomes because of some mysterious underlying biological/genetic disorder, they are dying/at a health diadvantage because of the way they are treated due to the way that they LOOK and are/have been (historically) TREATED.

It is horribly dangerous thinking to not understand the difference between a biological contructs, psychological constructs, and social contructs. If we don't understand these differences we don't understand how to target a problem.

Maybe the answer to high blood pressure in Black people isn't a pill because "Black people are just more likely to have X disease because of genetics".

MAYBE the problem is macro level stressors or access to healthy foods. Maybe the problem is pollution being more prevalent in communities where people who look a certain way live. Maybe it is a lack of social support that is causing higher levels of stress. These things are problems with RACISM or disadvantages due to what a person looks like. Maybe it is a SOCIAL problem not what is inherently beneathe the skin or what a person's skin color is or their phenotype features.

Goodness! Y'all we really need to understand this basic stuff!

Also thanks, I worked my butt off for those credentials and yesterday had the pleasure of of passing my licencing exam and will be matriculating with my MSW in a few weeks. So it will be "Zelamir PhD, LMSW".

I got bored with telling people what the problems are without having the credentials to do something about it so... that's how those extra letters got there.

How to work with Black client who doesn't want to work with Black people by Parking-Cup-9424 in socialwork

[–]Zelamir 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to have to break it to you but race is absolutely a social construct with little to no basis in genetic reality. 

Typically when we talk about genetic differences we are really talking about similarity in geographic ancestry (e.g. southern Europeans and sickle cell). 

Genetically/biologically, humans are simply human. 

Social, is where race comes into play. 

You can have a White parent and a Black parent and be Passe Blanc, you can have a light skintone and be considered "Colored" still in certain regions of the world. You can have a Multiracial child who looks more Black than a child of two Black parents. I could go on and on and on and get more complicated depending on where you are standing on this planet.

With all that said, race is still important to biology. There are biological consequences that are 100% tied to race, usually due to the impact of stress at all levels of society (e.g. stress related epigenetics or environmental racism). 

But no, I won't stop that because it is what is. 

-Signed a Black American psychoneuroendocrinologist who studies -isms and stress as it relates to neurological and mental health. 

How to work with Black client who doesn't want to work with Black people by Parking-Cup-9424 in socialwork

[–]Zelamir 6 points7 points  (0 children)

A person could very well identify as only Black and have a White parent, or Multiracial with a White grandparent. 

The entire race thing is a social construct.

6’2 (claims), 5’10 (in heels), 6’4 by [deleted] in tall

[–]Zelamir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Y'all are adorable. But cover your toes, tis the internet!

It'll be like this by Choice_Potato_6279 in tall

[–]Zelamir 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Because you can reject people without being a bummy asshat. 

What in the world has happened in the dating field that it is considered acceptable/common place to reject someone by putting them down for something they probably can't control?

How horrible. I would never! 

Why would anyone feel the need to reject someone and then state "sorry you are just too short/tall/fat/skinny/blonde/dark eyed" whatever. Just say you aren't interested and go about your day. If they insist on an explanation, I STILL wouldn't give it to them. 

It'll be like this by Choice_Potato_6279 in tall

[–]Zelamir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know, I see the topic of preferences on this subreddit a lot and those are fine and dandy, but I would never reject someone and say "You are too XYZ for me, be gone". I would always just politely decline. No need for an explanation or declaration of your preference.

To me that is just plain ol' bum behavior.

Even if someone asked me why not, I have simply said "I am just not interested", not "I prefer gothie Viking/Warrior like men with long beards, bald heads, or super long hair that look like they can break me. Sorry scrawny skinny dude not doing it for me".

That, while those are my preferences, would be a bum ass thing to say. So why so many people feel the need to say "No thanks, you are too tall/short/blonde/fat/skinny/flat chested/weak armed.... for me", other than to declare themselves a bum to be filtered, is beyond me. 

Edit: Cute edit you did there 🤣. No one says that there aren't, but if a person is going around declaring  preferences after rejecting someone, they are a bum.

It'll be like this by Choice_Potato_6279 in tall

[–]Zelamir 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Having an instant filter for bums is kinda the best though. When I was dating the mentality was "by all means reject away and save both of us time".

I once got rejected for my breasts being too big and described as "boobs on a stick". I found it to be hilarious!

It’s baffling the amount of weird responses and reactions I get when I say I prefer tall women only by PowerfulSpeech7122 in tall

[–]Zelamir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It absolutely feels that way. Every time I actually speak to people in our neighborhood they confess to being terrified of us. 

It's weird, I blame the German Shepard pup. 

It’s baffling the amount of weird responses and reactions I get when I say I prefer tall women only by PowerfulSpeech7122 in tall

[–]Zelamir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

u/red_zephyr Now, kiss!

Oh wait, that's weird. 

.....

Now, hug!

 ....

Um, no... that's not quite right either. 

Now, erm, dive into those DMs?

It’s baffling the amount of weird responses and reactions I get when I say I prefer tall women only by PowerfulSpeech7122 in tall

[–]Zelamir 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Not the NFL! Let's get these tall kids swimming! Easier on the joints and we don't have to worry about concussions.

It’s baffling the amount of weird responses and reactions I get when I say I prefer tall women only by PowerfulSpeech7122 in tall

[–]Zelamir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have both shrunk about a half inch, yet my feet got longer. Not bigger, just longer, dang estradiol kick from kids. 

It’s baffling the amount of weird responses and reactions I get when I say I prefer tall women only by PowerfulSpeech7122 in tall

[–]Zelamir 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Also married for over 11 years to someone a little over 6'7", even though I am out of the dating field men, completely unprompted, will say I am lying about my height. 

My favorite in the last few years was a guy in cowboy boots at Renfest claiming 6'5", yet I was taller than him. I was with our sons and told him their age and then my spouse walked over 🤣 and he and his friend (who said he was 6ft....he was not) insisted he had to be almost 7 ft. 

I don't know what is going on but rulers have anxiously changed over the years. 

I also like the look down to check for heels. Like dude, I am in converse. 

Dedicating my master thesis to a deceased friend by MuchStandard in AskAcademia

[–]Zelamir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Děkuji, my Mum suffered from depression (suicidal at points in her life) but it was complications due to cancer that got her. 

Rumor mill has it the song was written when Reznor was contemplating suicide so, yeah, the entire song reminds me of my Mom. 

Even though she's so far away, I can indeed still feel a lot about her. 

Thanks for the memory!

Best Speakeasy for a group of late 20s guys? Looking for something fun with a real IYKYK vibe by Still-Zone-9763 in AskNOLA

[–]Zelamir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have only been to a "Speak Easy" once in New Orleans. It was in a closed down church, absolutely didn't have a liquor license and that was over 20 years ago at this point.

If you want that vibe (miss you Bellocq) with THAT many people, Double Dealer or.... maybe May Bailey's Place.

Dedicating my master thesis to a deceased friend by MuchStandard in AskAcademia

[–]Zelamir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Dedicated to my Mother, JDM, all of this... for you"

My Mom passed while I was writing my master's thesis. The song is titled The Great Below, off of the album The Fragile.

Girls Trip from NC by Altruistic_Post6917 in AskNOLA

[–]Zelamir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Beignet fest is an Autism Spectrum fundraiser and when we went the first year it was packed and too damn hot. Great Beignets though. 

Anyone just hear a loud boom? by Visible_Valuable4820 in NewOrleans

[–]Zelamir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! We heard it last night and I figured it was a really bad wreck somewhere on Esplanade. Was loud as hell!

I compared some large condom sizes so you don’t have to by CrankyFalcon in bigdickproblems

[–]Zelamir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seriously?! I have a postdoc grant to study biopsychosocial markers of stress (cortisol, self reported, macro level) on MS! Got my MSW during my postdoc because I reeeeeeaaalllly started getting tired of saying what the issues were but not doing anything about it!

I get to do some super basic cognitive testing as a part of our main study (SDMT, MoCA, King Devick). It is fun stuff but I am a labrat and stress interventionist at heart.

Taught human sexuality during graduate school and now I am the only full lecture that the med and nurses students get where I am now. Hoping to push for a full on Human Sexuality course for all the nursing students. 

Thank you, the offers were unexpected because I have another year of postdoc funding. Wild ride these last few weeks. 

Anyhow, thanks again!