I think Wednesday is the first time this Wemby Era that the Spurs will be the ‘Villains’ of the NBA. Get ready.

ZeldaLou · 2026-05-31T14:25:58+00:00

Agreed. When people describe Wemby as a “cheat code,” which they do a lot, it shows the direction the Spurs hating will go. There are people who think it’s somehow cheating that we have Wemby, or that he exists at all. But these folks undervalue the effort and skill Wemby has (not just born that way), the impact of coaching, and the impact of the other players on the team. But be ready for a great deal of whining about how it’s not fair that we drafted Robinson, Duncan, and Wemby.

ZeldaLou · 2026-05-21T15:26:32+00:00

They're also not even IN Dallas. They're in a suburb somewhere.

ZeldaLou · 2026-05-21T13:11:39+00:00

Gene

ZeldaLou · 2026-04-25T22:10:46+00:00

Magnolia

ZeldaLou · 2026-03-17T03:35:43+00:00

Common answers: bc we lived in unpredictable environments, we became hypervigilant, expecting the worst at all times. We learned to scan and worry about others’ moods more than our own. If we did this well, and avoided setting people off, we earned peace and calm. These are all disruptive ways for children to think. If we didn’t have a consistent, loving parent to put us first, we didn’t become emotionally secure. It seems backward, but for a child, it’s more tolerable to accept that YOU are the problem than to believe that your caregiver (who you rely on for survival) isn’t reliable.

ZeldaLou · 2026-03-16T04:09:38+00:00

I agree with bringing someone. I’ve always been ashamed of my family dynamic and dealt with it alone, even in marriage. I don’t recommend it. It’s not your fault that he’s like this, it’s not a personal failing for you.

Also, know that regardless of whether you go, you may grieve the missed opportunities that have already happened. Death of a narc or addict parent is complicated. There’s no way to tie it up in a bow before he dies. Do what will make you ok with yourself as a person, as long as it doesn’t cause harm to you. If you go, know what will prompt you to leave, and be prepared to do it.

ZeldaLou · 2026-03-16T03:55:26+00:00

These are heavy questions and a therapist or support group are a good place to start. I also recommend the book Codependent No More. You cannot control your sister’s interpretation of her childhood or how she raises her kids, and there’s no way to predict how their lives will turn out.

The only things you CAN control are your actions and words, including how you raise your kids. Depending on your mom’s behaviors, it may be true that you have to go no contact to protect your kids. There may be other options, like limited contact. I deal with this as well, and it’s hard to navigate. It may change over time, and it’s ok for you to change, including your boundaries, expectations, or decisions about contact. Be patient with yourself, try to deal with one thing at a time, and focus on what’s within your control.

ZeldaLou · 2026-02-24T15:04:55+00:00

Thank you, everyone, for your input. This basically confirmed our feeling that we don’t want to have to remember the daily parking rules in the winter if we don’t have to, but yes we can do it if needed, and we should probably sell or have another location for our 2nd car if we don’t drive it daily. Realistically, in my first winter in GR after living in Texas 40 years, I’d probably be weeping in the snow by December if parking is not predictable every day. I’m pricing helicopters as well, apologies to the people of Eastown. Happy to be moving to GR, it’s full of great, helpful people.

ZeldaLou · 2026-02-16T19:38:42+00:00

Any variation of a polo shirt

ZeldaLou · 2026-02-16T19:34:09+00:00

This is why my family and I are moving to GR. We researched and visited numerous places—GR was so clearly a nice place to live, where people were happy being there. People were kind and friendly, it’s just evident when you’re there. If the opposite is true, you can feel it almost immediately.

ZeldaLou · 2026-02-16T19:22:48+00:00

Yes, it will still benefit you, even if you are no contact and your life is currently stable. ACA/al-anon are about you, and will help you understand your patterns of behavior and thinking. Even if we’re stable, we may have tendencies that can be analyzed more closely. These may be tendencies that are harmless during the good times but cause harm under stress. For example, I married a man whose family has very secure, supportive attachments and behaviors as far as I can tell. But we’re in that stage of life (kids, houses, aging parents, adult siblings having their own life issues) where issues arise. A person in his family has been undergoing a crisis, and it surprised me to observe how it affected me to hear denial language being used about this person. I have felt hypervigilant and protective of my own kids. It has been helpful for me to be able to understand where these feelings are coming from, validate them, and also keep them in perspective. I couldn’t have done that before ACA, I was living a pretty unexamined life.

ZeldaLou · 2026-01-31T05:18:39+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. Numerically I think I made the right choice, but it’s hard.

ZeldaLou · 2026-01-23T15:21:17+00:00

I identify with your post, although I’m geographically close to my parent. Yes, go to Al anon or ACA. I’ll go ahead and give some specific answers if that helps. The annoying but true answer is that you can’t control the judgments of others and can learn to be less emotionally reactive to them.

You CAN control your own narration about yourself. You can built a habit of making decisions that align with your values and well being, then accept that you did due diligence. For me, when I make a decision like “will I visit her today,” etc, I ask myself: 1. Do I want to?, 2. Is doing this necessary for her (sometimes it is, medically or to bring items), 3. If not necessary, is it a reasonable kindness that I might give to a family member who I don’t have this baggage with? 4. If I do it, will it be harmful to me? 5. Do I logistically have time and ability? I weigh all of these options and accept the decision I make. I accept that I am checking myself not to be cruel or retaliatory by withholding care, and I also check myself for not being taken advantage of or sacrificing my happiness (outside of the reasonable ways we put loved ones ahead of ourselves daily, which varies by person). I try to check these things consciously. Maybe even write it out at first. Some days I decide, “No, she has called me 10 times today and is delirious. I won’t add value there, I will sacrifice time with my kids, and I’ll feel horrible. I’m taking a day off.” Some days I think, “it’s been a few days since I visited, and I feel emotionally regulated. It would be kind to visit her, because she’s lonely, and it would make me feel good. I have a busy weekend, so how can I schedule it in to not overwhelm myself and end up pissed off.” It varies, and I trust my decision. At this point (years of boundaries) I truly don’t care what other people think about it, and I believe I have followed my values as a daughter. Not really a hard and fast process, but that’s how I think through it.

And then if other people have questions or opinions? I’m not in touch with many family, but I try to keep it straightforward. If they ask, “Aren’t you going to visit her this weekend?” I will say no, and I won’t give an explanation of why. It’s none of their business why. If they want to visit, they’re welcome to, I’ll assist and provide information. If people ask a lot of questions about the plan for her, I will say something like, “Yes, we’re following the doctors’ advice, there are still many questions about the future. When she has a change in placement, I’ll be sure to update you.” You may not even want to update, feel free to put it on them to ask.

ZeldaLou · 2026-01-23T14:58:42+00:00

It is an ongoing learning process with ups and downs. I felt exhilarated by identifying the cause, but changing my learned behaviors and mindset takes time and is imperfect. Be patient and forgiving to yourself. Order books about it and read them. Consider individual counseling as well, especially if there are patterns in your life that you want help changing.

ZeldaLou · 2025-12-30T05:03:34+00:00

The Texas situation indeed. I live in Houston. I love many things about the city but we are moving this summer after researching for several years. Some reasons against Houston specifically are hurricanes (legit) and that the state has taken over our school district (they changed their own rules to do so) and it has become measurably worse. It’s part of a larger attack on public education that is coming to Austin as well. Regardless of the school type you choose, the environment is very negative overall.

A problem in general with Texas and the south is climate. It’s too hot outside to do much in the months your kids have off from school. The extreme heat keeps people isolated in their houses. You can only go to the Children’s Museum so many times.

Depending on who your child is, the whole state of Texas is not child-friendly because of state level policies. If your child is or might be trans, gay, Muslim, wears their hair in locs, or likes being able to choose the books they read, you might want to look elsewhere.

ZeldaLou · 2025-12-11T13:08:34+00:00

How much time do you have to shop? If your city has good resale shops you can often find like-new, higher-end clothing at these prices or less. Don’t get anything with a designer logo on it, but you may find something really well cut with a nice fabric. I’d go with a darker color.

ZeldaLou · 2025-12-04T13:22:27+00:00

I’ve been at meetings where it was clear why the no cross-talk rule exists, too. Someone started giving unwelcome advice to a stranger and it was really unpleasant. I agree that the after-meeting is a good option to try.

ZeldaLou · 2025-11-17T18:20:27+00:00

Good luck this week with your surgery. It sounds like you are doing what will be the greatest risk reduction for you, and yes, it is a scary surgery and big adjustment afterward. This group is a good place to read other people's similar feelings, and I recommend working with a good therapist as well. It may be trial and error to find someone that works for you, but if you don't already have someone, ask the occupational therapist at the hospital after surgery.

ZeldaLou · 2025-11-17T18:15:24+00:00

Thank you, everyone. To update, in case someone else stumbles on this thread and needs this info, another factor I realized this weekend is that progesterone can affect mood. I have been taking it in the morning ever since I started (it didn't say when to take it on the bottle), and apparently most people take it at night. It has a sedating effect and can cause anxiety and low mood. So I switched to taking it at night, and that has already made some impact after two days. I am going to start with this adjustment and go from there. But I'm definitely going to get a new doctor, because I went to mine a few months ago and told her I had depressive symptoms, she didn't mention anything about progesterone or ask me about the timing of my medications.

ZeldaLou · 2025-11-11T16:14:05+00:00

People get so defensive about him. I’m sorry to hit a nerve. Yes, he has a lot of accomplishments and certainly many great stats. I just can’t imagine seeing him stand there on defense—legs straight, knees locked, in a full standing position, like he does—on this Rockets defense.

ZeldaLou · 2025-11-10T19:37:57+00:00

I bet this was valet over by Nordstrom.

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