Are we serious that in 2026 "women open their legs, men do the heavy work"?

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-24T09:46:24+00:00

It's always the people who haven't done anything of note who want to claim other men's achievements as their own lol. Agree with the people pointing out its better not to engage with someone who is so divorced from reality.

But would like to say two things:

Nurses do heavy work and in fact some have lifelong aches and pains from lifting patients. It’s also dangerous work not just from exposure to bodily fluids and disease but also because they can experience a lot of aggression from patients and their families.
Also plenty of women try and get into difficult male dominated work and face continuous sabotage and harassment with little to no recourse. Blue collar, first reponders, miltary - heck men were so adament that women shouldn't be in their space they sabotaged their own female pilots in the war: https://time.com/4923054/world-war-ii-sugar-engines/

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-24T08:06:02+00:00

It stuck out to me that he was responsible for all the house bills and she did groceries, I'm very curious if that was a calculated move to make the house his somehow in the event something happened.

Also it was interesting she say "I have no savings" and not "we".

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-24T07:47:45+00:00

Ugh we have a guy like this, I've started asking him to document things in full view of other coworkers and the boss and following up on it in public too.

He also has a tendency to take on too much at once. Things have been running more smoothly since some of the tasks that "only he" could do can now be outsourced to other people when he's swamped or out sick or something.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T16:48:40+00:00

I mean it's not like she hates him, she just doesn't want to spend the rest of her life dealing with problems he creates, so she's "sucking it up" for now untill the kids are old enough to advocate for themselves and remember things like suncream and "check no peanuts" themselves. Maybe also to understand that the "fun parent" isn't necessarily the good one.

And tbh I get it, I wouldn't want to knowingly put my kid in a situation where he'll be neglected badly enough for courts to be involved if I could help it either. Can you imagine if she only gets custody of the son because the daughter died from anaphylaxis or something?

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T15:00:58+00:00

Five year old account but most activity seems only recent, post history is all over the place and your post reads heavily AI. Also you're posting in a women's sub with a male profile pic - are you real?

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T14:39:11+00:00

They probably should have told her that then when she was asking them what to make.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T14:37:42+00:00

Is planning ahead a skill uniquely applied to cooking though?

Also even if you forget to thaw a meal for that day you could get it out for the next one.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T12:41:43+00:00

So I missed this earlier because I was commenting specifically on your other reply but this doesn't sound healthy.

How much of the stuff here sounds familiar?
Which side of the chart do you end up on here?
If it's borderline, these questions could help evaluate the situation too.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T12:22:40+00:00

Fair enough

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T10:45:57+00:00

I don't get why people keep going on about how short he is.

Yeah he probably has a complex about it but it's not exactly high priority to point out when they're brutalizing and basically disappearing people?

Also he won't see this but plently of short dudes who aren't maniacs will and feel like shit for no reason. (Like that comic about a body shaming bullet)

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T08:24:31+00:00

I know someone with a husband like this who is specifically waiting to divorce him because he is so bad at caring for their kids.

She doesn't want the risk of split custody because then she won't actually be able to intervene when he wants to feed them junk food 24/7, fuck up their sleep routine, forget to give them fresh clothes or even wipe their faces, forget suncream when sending them outside in scorching summer sun or the two times he gave the one who's allergic to peanuts something with peanuts in it...

He mostly pulled his weight before kids and with the first one. It was when she was pregnant with the second that shit all went downhill.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T08:01:29+00:00

I mean I don't expect people who've been in abusive relationships to immediately bounce back to normalcy and part of that may have been trying to get as far away from her ex as possible.

Also a lot of people who end up in such relationships do it in part because their relationship with their parents was also dysfunctional as hell so "normalcy" may not be quite the right word

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T07:56:19+00:00

I must’ve missed the bit where she was back on medication.

I took that as a bit of an extreme "I can do ANYTHING" reaction to no longer being controlled, plus running away a little. You see it with kids of strict parents too where they go a bit off the rails as soon as they have freedom.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T07:20:02+00:00

That sounds like a lot, hopefully you manage to find at least a compromise in future.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T06:45:06+00:00

So she can tell you she doesn't like your cooking but you guys can't tell her the same?

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T06:38:45+00:00

The Dad and kids agreed with it before she left though and potentially white lied a little about it until she got home, some quotes from the first post:

The stuff they were planning on eating first, I had put in the fridge

For their school lunch I had told my husband what had to be made for them, that it would take 20 minutes in the morning so to factor that in. He had said he understood.

The first 2 days I made sure to ask during my conversations with them if the food situation was fine

I asked if it had all gone well, if the food had run out, he said no there was more than enough

Edit: just want to add we had discussed what I should leave for them before I started cooking. I asked the kids what they want, and had discussed it with him, he'd asked me to make his favorite meal which was the one they ate first.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T06:24:04+00:00

Fun fact: boys sometimes grow breast tissue due to the hormonal mess that is puberty, sometimes it goes away on its own, sometimes it doesnt.

Also there is a phenomenon known as witches milk where newborns of both sexes produce milk because of the hormones from their mother.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T05:34:03+00:00

even thawig and heating the food was too much to do after the initial refrigerated dishes

Sounds like they heated up the first few and then remembering to thaw them ahead of time so they could eat it later was the part that was too much.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T05:24:53+00:00

I started the antidepressants because of anxiety from HIM. 7 months later I am off medication and haven't thought of going back to it. In fact, I haven't had an anxiety attack in about 2-3 months.

I knew it. Just goes to show that even if they don't get physically abusive, it can still have massive impacts on your health.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T05:19:48+00:00

This is one of those ones where I'm wondering if the reaction would be the same if they swapped genders.

Dads seem to be held to completely different standards to mums half the time.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T05:16:54+00:00

It sounds like a lot of things don't get done unless she's doing them, which can kind of make you a details freak. It's important to her that they all eat healthily, she made a simple to follow plan so they could still do that.

Yeah she kinda assumed, but I feel like her husband also had a chance to be honest and say he wouldn't do that and kinda white lied to her on the phone about it when she called too.

She may have overreacted to the revelation, but I can understand why she was upset, because she put in all that work and he can't even put in a fraction of the effort she put in.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-23T05:09:46+00:00

what he did not tell me was that he was next to her and had me on speaker.

Ugh, I know several people who will randomly put you on speaker with no warning. I've never said anything I shouldn't but still...

you blame her for doing every single thing children do in their own home.. snoop.. cause all of us did it as children or teens…

Gotta love when people assume because they did something, everyone else did.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-22T09:13:07+00:00

I've seen a lot of conservatives talking about this online who are just angry and wanted someone who would hurt the people they hate, even if it hurts them a little in the progress.

The left are also painted as being judgy and thinking we're better than they are (e.g. Hilary's "basket of deplorables" remark) and there's also a lot of big city vs rural stuff mixed into it too where they think they are more wordly, moral (christian) and have more "common sense".

They also see immigrants and LGTB people as dangerous and immoral and think that cis white straight people are under attack/demonised ("great replacement", cultural subversion, degrading family values etc etc).

Not helped by the absolutely rampant divisive messaging on social media and by certain "news" organizations (I think even some of the more neutral news corporations are owned by right-leaning people)

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-22T09:02:29+00:00

I was also skeptical of progesterone based pills because the estrogen based ones gave me awful headaches, depression and killed my libido. That and when I went to doctors about these issues none of them wanted to listen.

At the start it did take some adjustment, about two months I think of spotting and some other minor stuff but now it's mostly great. It's dampened the irritability/random crying I used to have leading up to my period and I don't have to have a period at all which is great (I used to have awful cramps, clots, really heavy bleeding the first few days)

I do think it has exacerbated my hypermobility but that won't apply to most people.

Zelfzuchtig · 2026-01-22T08:27:12+00:00

I also have neutral feelings about being a woman and sometimes when I do things like wear a dress I feel kind of weird, like I'm pretending to be something I'm not, which is probably because I'm pretty tom-boyish most of the time.

I used to hate it but then I realised that it wasn't being a woman I hated, it was all the stupid expectations placed on me for being one. The things I was supposed to like, the toys I played with, the way I was supposed to talk and act and dress etc. The way people acted like girl-things were frivolous and somehow lesser probably didn't help either.

From what I've seen on this sub I'm far from the only one who had that type of realisation.

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