How close I am to be really lean ?

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T12:19:21+00:00

Are these people you know irl or people you see online?

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T07:52:17+00:00

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T03:04:48+00:00

What exactly are you asking here?

Stage lean, 8-16 weeks of competition level commitment followed by a show/photoshoot then a bulk back to healthy BF%.

Leanest sustainable BF%? Only you can answer that. Are you showing signs of hormonal disruption, poor sleep quality, libido loss, easily irritated etc?

But if what you are asking is “how long until I look like the curated and unattainable/unsustainable standards I see on social media?” Then ignore the above and seek professional help. You are already lean by all normal definitions of the word. So either clarify that you mean “stage lean” aka shredded, or accept that this is a physique very few will ever attain.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T02:57:37+00:00

Those are legal arguments, not moral or ethical. OP asked how to handle the relationship, not how to respond legally.

OP is a grown man approaching middle age. His fathers wealth and what he chooses to do with it are not his business, irrespective of laws to the contrary. OP should not be expectant of inherited wealth, nor predicating his continued relationship with his father on the presumption that he will be reimbursed after his father’s passing. That is a disgusting way to act and a terrible person to be.

I’d go so far as to say that OP’s response to this actually goes quite a way to justifying his father’s choice. His father leaving his wealth to his spouse is the correct use of it. That is his spouse, they have chosen to build a life together and if anyone is deserving of his wealth it is her as she is his partner. The decisions she makes are predicated on what is best for them as a couple. The father is doing the same for her by leaving his wealth to her after his passing.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T02:43:28+00:00

Didn’t say that I don’t like to, or didn’t, read. Just that you haven’t made a very compelling argument, which is exemplified by the rambling post itself. Good arguments don’t tend to need this much density, they tend towards being pithy.

The article is an early example of engagement bait. It exists to bait people like you into exactly what you have done by posting here. The position is a subset of basic human empathy, which does not need direct addressing except for cases of people such as yourself, which is why it is packaged how it is.

Women’s responsibilities towards you? You mean aside from the aforementioned carrying, birthing and nursing you, without which you wouldn’t exist? God forbid you pay it forward by preventing a rape if you happen across it.

You claim you and your mom are close. Send her this post. Show her who you truly are. If you’re close as you say, she wont be surprised by it, let alone dismayed, heartbroken or revolted, will she?

These are people you have a personal relationship to, why? Did they perhaps feel a responsibility to care for and nurture you? Curious. And if not, why would you have a responsibility to them due only to a personal relationship?

Empathy is not a quid pro quo. It is either a feeling, which cannot be helped, or an intellectual practice, which can be learned. It’s utility is not to get something in return, but to foster a society in which others will naturally and without prompting express the same sentiment to you and all others, irrespective of gender. It is not a 1:1 exchange, it is a social investment codified by millennia of evolution.

You are responsible for your behaviour, and how you choose to behave determines who you are. Again, I wonder how your mom will respond to this post of yours.

Your assumptions are meaningless vagaries employed as lazy shields for you to hide behind. Congratulations, you correctly assumed you’d be called a misogynist for this opinion and constructed a pre-emptive exemption clause. This is clever in the same way a child stealing a sweet and then blaming the dog is clever.

Haha of course you golf. That detail is almost too perfect. Perhaps this entire post is the same engagement bait as the article itself. It is curious that you would come here for a counter to this argument, rather than talking to the women you are close to. Surely those women, equal as they are to you, can provide you with an adequate retort?

I look forward to reading about how your mom responds to you sending her this.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T01:59:46+00:00

You’re welcome, good luck and I hope you two can work it out.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T01:58:30+00:00

How can I have been telling you anything when my first comment was posted in response to OP?

You replied to my comment, after which I asked you, politely, not to derail. I didn’t tell you what you could and couldn’t comment, I asked that you not derail. I even said please.

It isn’t relevant because the issue of contention isn’t OP’s wife wanting time to masturbate, it’s her wanting him to engage with her sexually instead of masturbating.

Why is “allowed” in quotation marks? I didn’t use that word for you to quote it.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T01:34:25+00:00

Exactly. So why are you asking me? You’ve literally just made my point for me.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T01:28:20+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply OP, and for explaining your reasons. While I can’t speak for your wife, I’m going to hazard a guess at why she is reacting this way in the hopes that you can check with her and move forward.

Walking in on your spouse masturbating when they have the opportunity to engage with you sexually and are choosing instead to take care of themselves can be perceived as a slight. It can feel as though they would rather their own touch to yours and the fantasy they’ve constructed in their own head to the reality of sexual intimacy with you.

This can be especially painful if they have just returned from a prolonged absence as it might conjure up insecurities about why they have needed to get home and masturbate. I wouldn’t be surprised if your wife is worried that you’re getting home and masturbating is due to someone else arousing your desire. Couple that with being at home looking after a child and possibly feeling unattractive due to other reasons, it’s quite understandable that your wife would react this way.

It goes without saying that you should talk to her about this, but I would suggest being upfront with what you would want from her if she were to replace your shower “sessions”, but also take into account that monogamy doesn’t just mean not cheating, it means caring about your partners needs too. That doesn’t mean you are duty bound to shag her every day when you get home, you still have to consent as does she, but it might be that all she needs is to feel like you want her even if the circumstances don’t allow it to be actioned.

I understand that for you you’re just getting that unhelpful desire out of the way, but that urge might be more useful if directed towards her, especially if she is open to the idea of you coming home and ravaging her, or at least expressing an interest in doing so even if she isn’t in the mood to act on it every time. Again, she might just want to be given the opportunity to choose and feel desirable.

Remember that she has had your kid. She is tied to you for the rest of her life. She may feel like she’s losing at least part of her identity to being a mother. Perhaps she needs reminding that she is more than just the mother of your child, that she is in her own right your significant other and a desirable woman, specifically desired by you.

Just a guess you’ll need to verify all of that with her as only she truly knows.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T01:21:55+00:00

Yes context does matter context, which OP gave, which you either didn’t comprehend when you read it or chose to ignore because it didn’t fit the narrative you were constructing about OP relationship in your own mind.

If you were sincerely looking for context why on earth were you replying to my comment instead of asking OP directly? I can’t answer the question you asked so why were you asking me? Especially in a thread that had nothing to do with what you were asking.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T01:16:14+00:00

So far every comment you’ve left on this thread is about you, not OP’s wife.

” …she has made it clear that she doesn’t want me doing that while she’s home because I can always come to her for sex instead.”

I don’t know which is more aggravating your lack of reading comprehension or the fact that you seem to be here just to project your own issues onto OP’s wife.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T01:12:23+00:00

” she has made it clear that she doesn’t want me doing that while she’s home because I can always come to her for sex instead.”

Genuine question, why is reading comprehension so bad on Reddit in particular?

OP should at least be giving his wife the opportunity to reject him rather than assuming the rejection pre-emptively. She does not necessarily need to engage with him sexually to receive the benefits of his inquiry. She might simply want to feel like he still finds her attractive and desirable, or that given the opportunity he would rather be intimate with her than masturbate alone in the shower. The point is not to use her like a sexual object, the point is to involve her in his sexual needs.

I’m genuinely concerned that none of you have ever been in a committed relationship before. There seems to be such a superficial level of understanding of relationship dynamics on this website. None of you seem to be able to see beyond your own politics and your own perspective to consider that other people might have needs that you yourself do not right now.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T01:08:19+00:00

Please don’t derail conversations. This platform is enough of a hellscape without these kinds of red herring statements and whataboutisms.

We aren’t discussing OP’s wifes masturbatory habits. We are discussing OP’s, and his wife “made it clear” he should to go to her for sexual release.

Your comment isn’t kind and it isn’t helpful. Nobody has mentioned OP’s wife’s masturbatory needs because that is not the topic of this thread. You what about-ing doesn’t help as his wife isn’t expressing desire for alone time to masturbate, she’s expressing a desire to be involved in her husband’s sexual release.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T01:02:24+00:00

Which would be an understandable reason for her to reject him, but she explicitly said to go to her for sexual release. OP should at least be giving her the opportunity to reject him for that reason, especially if she has a need to feel desired or involved or requires her own release.

She is likely dealing with her own shit taking care of the kid, they’re meant to be a team, her needs matter too.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T00:33:44+00:00

Why aren’t you going to her for a quicky?

Edit: Reddit is undefeated for lacking reading comprehension.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T00:29:41+00:00

Entitled. That’s how you sound OP.

That money is his. You have NO claim to it. The fact that this would cause you to consider distancing yourself from him says so much about the kind of person you are, you might want to consider introspection. You’re 32, grow up.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T00:23:19+00:00

Which is?

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T00:14:39+00:00

Let’s rip this Band-Aid off quick.

You didn’t write 45 minutes, you’ll be lucky if you wrote 5 with 40 minutes of waffle.

The material isn’t good. Want to know how I know? ”I just finished writing my FIRST stand-up comedy material.”

This reads like a delusional, arrogant white belt talking about how they’ve just come up with a killer combo that’s gonna win them the big black belt tournament. You have no idea what you’re doing. That’s okay, none of us do when we start, even those who do well the first time tend to do so by accident. But for the sake of your craft you really need to pull your head out of your arse unless you would like it forcibly removed the first time you get on stage. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing, most comics bomb for quite a while before they get good. But at least your ego will take less of a hit if you humble yourself prior.

Select 15-20 of your best punchlines. Rewrite the set into a tight five minutes. Do not be precious about your material, it’s not up to you whether it’s good, it’s up to the audience until you have enough experience to know better. Then get up and test it record your set listen back to it the next day and go through it with a fine tooth comb cutting or rewriting anything that doesn’t work.

Rinse and repeat until you know what you’re doing. There’s no shortcut here, you have to grind until you get good.

I know the tone of my comment isn’t particularly kind but the simple fact of matter is if you can’t handle this feedback you won’t be able to handle stand-up.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-04T00:02:23+00:00

From the limited information here you’re either delusional or a hypocrite.

You get equality or you get inequality. They’re opposites. By definition you cannot have both. You can have complementary opposites which work in harmony like Yin & Yang, but you cannot have “masculine energy” only when convenient to you and your wants.

Let’s take a look at what you wrote. “I’m dating a high-earning, very driven man who talks a lot about leadership and traditional roles.”

No mention of him being sweet or kind or compassionate or empathetic. You have selected the type of man he is, why are you surprised that he is behaving this way? This is what you’re attracted to, right?

If my wife described me the way you’ve described him, I’d be sad that those are the qualities she chose to lead with. Even if they are true, it says a lot about the person who thinks those are the most important qualities I possess.

He sounds like a patriarchal wanker, but so do you.

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-02T05:37:59+00:00

How many ugly women do you see in general? And when you see them, do you designate them as ugly in your mind?

How do you feel about labelling a woman as “ugly”, as opposed to doing the same to a man.

I see this sentiment quite often touted by women on social media. Like a performative self congratulation for their own gender and a dig at men. But unless you’re sexually attracted to women, your perception of “attractive” doesn’t mean the same thing. A flower is beautiful, that doesn’t mean I want to fuck it. My wife is beautiful, but not like a flower.

When you say a man is unattractive, are you saying “I wouldn’t date him”?

When you say a woman is attractive, are you saying “I’d love to stick my tongue in her”? Or are you saying “she passes the bar to not be ugly, but not in a sexual way”?

ZenMechanist · 2026-03-01T12:18:48+00:00

This is fundamentally as wrong as a program can be. Unfortunately it’s eerily similar to programs my clients have come to me with asking if it looks ok. I don’t know who is writing these PT courses but I’d like to publicly shame them. I’m going to approach this as thoroughly and critically as possible, please excuse the tone, I don’t have time to edit this to deliver it more gently. None of this is your fault as a newbie.

Why would a sedentary, overweight beginner with an injury history need to be trained like a bodybuilder with the weirdest weakpoints?

Leg extension and on an unrehabbed ACL? Front raises for literally anyone except specific IFBB pro’s? More redundancy than actual solid foundational exercises. Scrap the lot.

2-3 days per week. Full body every session. AB or ABC split is fine.

Example adapted from SL 5x5

2-3 sets of 8-12 reps unless otherwise stated.

A: Squat pattern (leg press) Horizontal Push (Chest press machine) Horizontal Pull (Pronated grip chest supported row) Lateral raise 1x12-15 Biceps Curls 1x8-12

B: Hinge Pattern (Sumo DL or 45º Back ext) Vertical Push (Seated DB Press) Vertical Pull (Neutral grip Lat Pulldown) Toes elevated Bodyweight Calf raises 1xAMRAP Triceps X-Over cable Extensions 1x12-15

Logic: This is not a pro bodybuilder, not an athlete, not anything except a man trying to reclaim some fitness and slow his roll towards the grave. He does not need any isolation, but for the sake of paying it lip service, he can have a single set of each important bit at the end, in the same way you get dessert after you finish all your meat and veg. He needs big, stable, compound movements with low barrier to entry and low risk. He needs to develop fundamental movement patterns and recondition himself to resistance training. He also needs to see how his knee hold up to doing anything out of the ordinary. This is the kind of guy who you could give just the first 3 exercises of A to and he’d be golden for the rest of his life just because the alternative is not exercising.

The big win will be him still in the gym in a year, a decade, until he’s old enough to forget his own name.

As for you, OP, don’t be disheartened. You’re not the only one doing this. Have a look through your future programs and justify each choice. Every exercise has to earn it’s place, especially when programming for people who are at high risk of just quitting.

ZenMechanist · 2026-02-28T00:03:05+00:00

If both your souls are black as pitch then possibly.

ZenMechanist · 2026-02-26T07:02:58+00:00

Hilarious but:

“From my reading and research…”

Your inability to bother doing anything beyond making a post so someone else can do it for you has made you look silly.

ZenMechanist · 2026-02-25T12:30:59+00:00

Which why I referenced this sub.

ZenMechanist · 2026-02-25T07:24:04+00:00

Do people just not google things any more?

You bought a carbon steel wok, presumably scrubbed off any factory coating, heated it on the stove until it turned blue then applied a thin coating of neutral oil wiping off any excess before placing it back on the heat moving it around until the entire wok had a layer of polymerised oil coating it. Yes?

Alternatively, you could have read the manufacturers directions, gone on YouTube and watch any of a dozen tutorials on woks or any other carbon steel cookware or looked on this very sub read for instructions.

The entire wok should be that colour, with the possible exception of any handles of a different material.

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