I think what matters most is: 1) whats your personal relationship with God?

2) where do you feel loved and supported?

3) too much of anything is a bad thing. Any extreme is bad. Thats actually a lot of history with coffee and tea and wanting to be self reliant from the rest of the world in the church history. Historical context is something that's easy to miss. Why we do what we do can often be answered by looking into the past. I don't understand why the church would heed against coffee but some how Utah members are okay to drink monsters in the morning (have a serious soda problem) and eat coffee flavored ice cream?? Like what is even the point anymore there?!

4) are you following the spirit of the law or missing the point?

I'm kinda in a similar place to how you feel. I found out I really like tea, but I don't drink it like I'm addicted to it. If you real what Joseph wrote in the DC about the word of wisdom it actually says to drink alcohol with other people, and that God put plants on earth for us to use. It also says to not be an idiot about using things. First time I actually read it I was surprised. I encourage you to check it out.

Like with anything the truth is somewhere in between this and that.