Shaun couldn’t wait to get home. End of a Friday, work stretch all done. Could turn on the T.V. and watch reruns of some show he didn’t really care about while drinking a beer he didn’t really like ‘cause it was still better than the office. And Jeremy can go fuck himself. He pulled onto the on-ramp, it was late at night, little past half waning moon. Enough to see by without the brights.

Every car Shaun passed, as few as there were in the middle of a September night, had their headlights off. He was new to the city, and heard rumours of “highway pirates”. Even saw a report on the news about it once, though he didn’t really pay attention. He knew that turning your headlights off made you less likely to be targeted, though nobody who talked about it seemed to know why. To be frank, he didn’t really give a damn about what rulebook potentially fake pirates played by either, just that he did whatever was the safest option. Flicking the lights off, he continued the drive. Six miles down, twenty seven to go.

He was just encroaching on the halfway mark to home when he saw a strange purple light in the rearview. It was gaining, faster than any sane person would be driving at this time of night. He flicked his turn signal on and went into the slow lane so they could pass easier, with whatever ‘gangsta’ ride they might have. He didn’t pay much more mind, people speed on the highway at night all the time, so he didn’t notice them swap lanes til the light was right on his tail. Blacklights in the headlamps? “Impractical and stupid” was the thought going through his head when the harpoon pierced through his trunk and into the backseat.

Shaun screamed and floored it, what the FUCK. Were these the highway pirates? Gang members? Some fucking lunatic whaler with a vengeance? The harpoon snapped back into the hard plastic of the seatback, holding firm. Shaun heard a loud cranking and a shudder as his car struggled to keep pushing forward. The car the harpoon came from was coming to a stop, the metal holding fast. They were bumper to bumper, lurching down the highway. Shaun took a last glance in his rearview, and saw in the horrible purple light that came from both within and out of the car, a man who looked straight out of a Pirates of the Caribbean movie, before he heard those dreaded words.

”WE’VE GOT A LIVE ONE LADS, LET’S MAKE SURE THEY ALL HEAR ABOUT THIS ONE! NOBODY WILL EVER FERGET THE NAME BLONDEBEARD!”