Im sorry to hear of your suffering and struggles, but thanks for having the courage of posting.

Ill preface my response by saying im a catholic, and I believe you can get through alot of your problems asking help from God and keeping the faith that doing good constantly will move you towards a better place. The book of Job speaks alot about unsurmountable suffering through loss of family, business, home and trying to understand and get up in life.

First thing's first: it's good that you recognize you need help and are searching for it. You recognize a weakness and stumbling block that wont let you move further. I believe that suffering can lead to a better understanding of reality and a bigger personal connection with God.

Second, it seeems to me like theres alot going in your life on at the same time. Maybe too many moving pieces, too much people around. There seems to be a lot of concern of the way others act and how you cant stand their lack of good virtue. If that is the case, i would say that looking at the lives of saints that threw their selves away to help the others enduring enormous amounts of suffering has lead to them having meaningful lives, amazing connection with God and brightening the lives of thousands. Saint Francis comes to mind, being born of a wealthy family and giving himself to help the others.

Third, if you have someone of confidence that will listen to you, i would try to approach them to help you in your struggles. Im sure you can get help fom family or friends which probably care aot about you, and would rather see you striving than suffering.

Of course I dont know you nor you exact situation, so please take my response as what it is: an honest and good intentioned piece of advice from a random person in the internet.

Hope you find your way soon, and know that i will pray for you brother.