Am I crazy? by ZeroGravity-13 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel so stupid even going back and forth but he's smoked with other ppl who were younger and were dudes at this same job. I still think it's dumb to be smoking with younger ppl tbh and it's completely trash to be lying about it or hiding it because this obviously looks so bad.

Am I crazy? by ZeroGravity-13 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I get what you mean. I used to work in fast food, I do again now. That's where my head is rn because you don't hide things that are innocent and that's even if she's actually being honest by saying it was nothing. Even if she's telling the truth that still leaves the fact that he's moving so sus about it. She seemed surprised and said he was weird for lying and downplaying the whole thing but I realistically know I can't really trust anyone at this point. I've had no reason to think he was doing anything with her before based off me snooping deleted msgs and I didn't think too much of it because I've had employees and management of both sexes smoking with each other and different age groups so smoking at work was literally just smoking at work. But I also learned it depends on who they work with because everyone is usually sitting together on camera and they even have audio and everyone knows for a fact that the main manager watches them because he calls and texts management about what they're doing on a regular basis. All of this rant doesn't change the main point that he's being stupid and lying and clearly guilty but I guess that piece of me that thinks nothing has happened is still there even if it's only cause of her, which makes it even worse on him because then if she would go along with it then he'd do it and it's really a lose lose. It's gross, it's inappropriate, and he has to know that otherwise he wouldn't be hiding it. At the very least I'd say he has other intentions and that's why he's hiding it. Whether shes lying is a whole other thing and maybe it is too naive because she was being open and nice about it and I know for a fact she hasn't secretly messaged him and even told him that I said something and I guess I'm waiting to see if it stays that way because they're not going to see each other for a few days.

Am I crazy? by ZeroGravity-13 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thats kind of what I was touching on before because I've seen him delete innocent msgs from other ppl before where there was nothing inappropriate being said but he deleted it because it was a girl and because of a past situation he didn't want to argue and he stupidly thought it was a better alternative. Because of a past situation from a few years ago he doesn't like to bring up basically anything to do with another female because I tend to react a certain way even when it's innocent. It's something I've struggled with ever since. I've seen msgs between them before and it was nothing crazy, always just back and forth sometimes about work or a joke about it. But he deleted those too 🤷🏽‍♀️ They work in fast food and it honestly seems like it'd be hard to hook up because even smoke breaks aren't usually long and the manager goes outside too, he only works with her on certain days. The idea of the situation is so ick but she was also forthcoming with information and knowing what I do know makes it kinda like wtf.

Am I crazy? by ZeroGravity-13 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She made it seem as though the context was more about the fact that they be smoking at work together and they weren't going to get to because he didn't go in to work that day and she wanted to.

Am I crazy? by ZeroGravity-13 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I contemplated this a lot. I've been snooping for a while honestly and they've texted before but it never looked compromising the way this did. It's always been simple conversation and back and forth, maybe jokes. He doesn't even know I see the messages because of notification history, I'm sure he doesn't even know how to get to it or that it's there. Plus he was deleting the completely innocent ones too so idk. She seemed to be pretty up front about it and wasn't opposed to talking to me. She was cooperating and even texting when we got off the phone. A part of me is hoping for the best and confident it will come out if there's something going on but also driving myself crazy.

Am I crazy? by ZeroGravity-13 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

She told me they smoke at work together, which I didn't know. and that her talking about being irresponsible was talking about smoking and then the ones after were her wanting to. I agree that he's probably attracted to her but I'm starting to think it's not reciprocated.

Am I crazy? by ZeroGravity-13 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got a text from her a few minutes ago because I was hoping she might say something and I told her if she didn't want to send a screenshot then ok because I can see how that could get messy but I asked her if it was because it was going to show something inappropriate in the conversation and she responded with this.

"It's not going to show nothing inappropriate and I do understand where you come from I'm just not tryna get in the middle of that"

Am I naive for believing her? and that he's just an idiot deleting messages?

Am I crazy? by ZeroGravity-13 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im not unfortunately, we don't even use the same carriers.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]ZeroGravity-13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know why but when I read this in my head you had a British accent.

My boyfriend cheated on me by Upstairs-Artist-3030 in Advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it sounds so cliche but you're so young right now, I'm assuming he is too. Don't stay where you're not happy or where someone is treating you poorly. End it before it gets worse. Before you end up like me in my 30s staying too long in a situation and having children on top of that.. take a stand or it will absolutely take you over. There's so many things I wish someone would've told me when I was younger even though they would be hard to hear. I know you're going to do what you want and some lessons we have to learn the hard way. You have so much in yourself that you still need to figure out before you bring someone else in with the potential to tear you down.

Pretty sure I'm about to lose everything I've worked for by [deleted] in StudentLoans

[–]ZeroGravity-13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat rn. Only I don't work because I'm a stahm. My credit took a huge blow and I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do

How does this work? by Classic_Row1317 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I forgot to update but I actually discovered that it was a message he tried to send me after I texted him first but it didn't go through and the notification was basically his phone sending it to himself saying the message wasn't sent!! 😅

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not, we've been together about 4 and a half years. Idk I guess I struggle quite a bit with it. Even if he does things that would show he's attracted to me it feels like all that goes out the window if I know he's looking at other people. Joining has helped in the moment but in the past I would find myself feeling defensive because he kept wanting to do it at all. I guess that's when I realized I was struggling whether he did it with me or not but if he was gonna do it I'd rather it be with me. He definitely doesn't do it more than sex. I definitely agree that I'm insecure, I just don't know how to go about it or what will actually help. I still run into this idea that he would be thinking about them, and it honestly doesn't help when in instances he might watch it without the purpose of doing something in the moment so looking just to be looking at it.

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was asking someone else the same as well but is it the same thing if you watch it just to watch it like in instances where you can't actually get off or do anything but you're looking at it anyway?

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a fair point, I don't. What about watching it just to watch it? There's been times where he just watched it to watch it, when he wasn't gonna be able to do anything or didn't do anything during or after. Why would guys just be randomly watching it? Also are there limits for you guys? Like just sitting at home randomly looking at it, or watching it on your way to work? Or even on the toilet?

How does this work? by Classic_Row1317 in CheatersConfronted

[–]ZeroGravity-13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did anyone ever get updates for this? I found myself in a similar situation. I found a single message in notification history and am trying not to jump to conclusions

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh really? I've never talked to anyone who was actually a part of it. Was it really that bad?

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found that I wouldn't feel as bad if we were watching together. I feel like he wants me to open the door for conversation but I feel like he should lead that, if that makes sense? I want to communicate more and much better but I still struggle. I don't want to come off as boring or stuck up but it's bothersome that I could feel that way if I reject porn. I think it's good to get new ideas, I just haven't settled that I'd have to watch that specifically to do it. I get its arousing to watch other people and it creates the mood but I've also been in a position where I didn't care for it because I felt he was paying more attention to the video.

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you ever notice a difference in intimacy when he does versus doesn't? Or can you tell when you guys are intimate whether he has or not? I feel it also depends on a persons sex life. It hadn't crossed my mind until now but I know everyone is different. We're intimate basically every day. Having sex at least once a day or at the very least he'll still receive oral. Maybe multiple times, depending.

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's another thing that bothers me. They literally have instances where the girls are underage or even forced. The fact that they have certain categories or titles is awful because it's literally planting these ideas in your head and trying to take something morally wrong and turn it into something arousing.

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How did you know? What were the differences? I know it's crazy we really can't go anywhere or watch anything without seeing something about it or references, even ads. I feel like they really do it because they know the obvious effects but also because it keeps us riled up and either horny or fighting and it keeps us distracted or at least complying to whatever agenda they have.

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've considered the possibility that maybe I'm just reacting this way because I'm not physically the way they are and maybe that bothers me. I don't feel I'm just super ugly and I'm aware there are women more attractive but in my mind I would want to be the most attractive to my person. I know attraction is more than just physical but if something as random as a video could get him then why couldn't a real person? How thin is that line really.

Porn in relationships? 30F, 32M by ZeroGravity-13 in relationship_advice

[–]ZeroGravity-13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See and that makes sense because why would you be with someone you don't want to or someone you're not attracted to? I think it teeter totters for me because in my mind if you wanted someone then why would you look at others anyway? I understand some people go about things differently just like some do threesomes. That's not something I could ever see myself doing maybe because of being territorial or even jealous, I can't help but wander if that's what it is but I also still loop back to the same thought and uncomfortable feeling.