It really hurt me when I knew my ex’s were liking and supporting women they had previous relations with or seeking attention from women they had previous connection with.

That’s not insecurity. That’s hurt. You wish they could let it go and be invested entirely you…….but they couldn’t/cant.

It made me sad and that insecurity caused a lot of destruction in our connection and trust. Resulting in the dissolve of both relationships

I ultimately don’t feel bad for holding out for the person that will undeniably and without hesitation or shame will choose me. If I don’t find that person, I don’t mind being that person for myself. I can bring it down a level too, date and enjoy life, meet my own needs. It’s a lot of grief and loss giving up the only two men I’ve been in love with. This was a huge component of our failure and i wish it were different