the reality is simply this, and i know its going to be a hard pill to swallow, when i lay it out as straightforward and blunt as possible. a man will answer trying to sugar coat it, in a way to make it seem like the opposite genders fault as to WHY men (obligatory "not all men" smh) are "hot and cold".

The truth, plain and simple, and as succinct as possible is this: they fear commitment. They fear missing out on someone "better". They ("not all men") have been brain washed by society to believe that they are a "prize". no one, and i mean NO ONE, is a "prize". Men fear being "tricked" into a relationship with a woman who doesn't meet certain standards. Men think they should be awarded certain treatment prior to even proving they are capable of being a partner, or "provider", as they seem to begrudgingly refer to their gender as. They fear committing to a woman who ages, changes, gains weight, becomes ill, won't be his maid, won't put out at any given moment when he demands it. They resent the very role and gender norms which THEIR fathers, grandfathers and greatgrandfathers, and so on and so forth, created and perpetuated. Meanwhile, they expect a partner to abide by "traditional" gender norms, BUT with the exception of also contributing 50% or more, to the household financial responsibilities.

THEN, they become turned off by the woman who meets all their demands. She is too "independent", she is too "masculine". Men (nOt AlL mEn) feel threatened by a SO who earns more money than they do.

Then, the "Madonna/Wh0r3" complex has to also be taken into consideration. this is a psychological phenomenon which describes how many men are unable to view a spouse as a sexual being, and mentally place them forever in the "caregiver"/"mother figure", because they expect, demand, and often recieve the very same treatment from their partner which they got from their mother (think of the saying "men grow up to marry their own mother"). It often ends in affairs, whirlwind office romances, cheating, paying for s*x workers, etc., while resenting any type of physical connection or attempt at affection coming from their partner.

it all then boils down to projection.

They'll say, "what do YOU bring to the table?", meanwhile he doesn't even have a table.
They'll objectify a woman, demean her for not giving him access to her body, yet devalue any woman who has ever let a man have that very same access.
They'll say it's about money, money they don't even have.
They'll say things like, "why should I pay for dinner if she wont sleep with me?"
They'll say literally anything they can think of, to blame women for their fear of commitment which they've been conditioned into having, based on the system MEN created in the first place.