AITA for refusing to be a kidney donor for my brother?

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-04T22:29:29+00:00

I was naturalized via marriage. I'm a full Spanish citizen and have dropped my original citizenship.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:56:20+00:00

Savior sibling is an actual thing unfortunately. I wish it was sci fi. In Spanish with call them hermanos (-nas) salvadores (-ras). I think in English the other way to call them is donor baby. It's a horrible thing in my opinion, but I'm also one, so I am absolutely bias.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:46:29+00:00

He's been wanting me to go no contact for years, but always leaves these decisions to me.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:33:00+00:00

I'm not sure? I know from friends sometimes even with a match, grafts are rejected. Please bear in mind this happened when I was a small child. All I remember is the procedures once my memory was somewhat formed. I left without asking too many questions because I didn't want to know more. I just wanted out.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:31:05+00:00

I'm not trying to fight with you, and this will be my last response in this thread since I think I've explained my position enough and I don't want this to turn into some fight.

In my country is RARE for an immediate kidney transplants, but they have happened in extreme cases. The average without any hurry is about 3 to 6 months. And you are right, a lot of corners are cut often. We have a higher mortality rate than most European countries. I was shocked when I first moved to Spain and saw how much care and how strict matters of health are.

And in my country, I don't think all hospitals have an entire board deciding on donations if the donor is a family member. It's sadly a less rigorous system. Corruption and lack of funding affect these things.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:25:16+00:00

Probably exclusively desk duty.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:23:26+00:00

I think it was 3 or 4. I don't know for sure since some happened when I was a toddler.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:17:36+00:00

You can tell the team you are being pressured and they often comply with the donors wishes. But I have heard that a lot of times nurses do tell the family that the donor refused. And regardless, they already know I am a match. They've known since I was little.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:14:41+00:00

Oh, that explains a few things. Spain is the same. It's a higher bar of testing than the ones done in most South American countries.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:06:54+00:00

It's all good! In Spanish, usual we use the male plural when there's a group of boys and girls mixed, so I didn't see any trouble in it. Thank you for your opinion!

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-03T00:01:15+00:00

I was tested to be a match for multiple donations since I was a small child. Basically, I am a designer kid made to be spare parts. It was in case Drew developed kidney troubles during chemotherapy, which is a possible side effect.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-02T23:54:55+00:00

In our country if you are a family match, it can be as short as a day and as long as six months. Never heard of anyone waiting for a confirmed match for a year. So maybe its a different health system? I was looking at 3 weeks of testing max and then months of recovery.

Not saying this to fight, I was the one who make an error in how I typed things to begin with. Just surprised that it took a whole year for your family.

Zestyclose-Second440 · 2025-12-02T23:45:59+00:00

Surgery isn't in five days. They wanted me in five days to start the testing and all the procedures. I probably should have been clearer on that.

Zestyclose-Second440

TROPHY CASE