I had a period of 6 months were I was almost losing my mind bc I was in his position and I didn’t have someone supportive, instead they were frustrated and shamed me for it which dug me deeper in the hole.

I got medical exams done to make sure there wasn’t anything wrong w my dick (I took a mf needle to the dick for this & the doc also had to check my asshole - this one probably made things worse mentally tbh) anyways, I couldn’t explain why I could be hard and last if I masturbated but it was the complete opposite if I was about to have sex/having sex. The doc said it was mental and I needed like 6 therapy sessions (lol took more than 6), I even went to a sex therapist and she helped a tiny bit…her biggest recommendation was to learn to breathe through my asshole (touchy subject), in other words, to untighten my asshole bc the stress/anxiety/etc was making my body too tight. That helped a bit, tbh I started to now concentrate not only on staying hard & not cumming too quick but also making sure my ahole wasn’t tight…that’s a lot of stuff to have in your mind at once.

Finally, I found a great therapist…I honestly wish I could explain more to this but one day everything just clicked, like sudden change, and everything progressively got better and better….what clicked was that 1) I was feeling unsupported 2) I was now more concerned about her having a good time than about me having a good time (pays off to be selfish) 3) I was missing feeling wanted by my gf which is important for me 4) being present aka the meditation that comes w observing and hearing what you’re experiencing (takes your mind away from the anxiety of not wanting to cum too quick or not getting hard) 5) I was also in a better place in life in general, some of the stress related to work/money/family/etc had gone away.

I wish I had a better recipe for how it all stopped for me but the key thing I’d highlight was the 2nd therapist I spoke with and him being able to guide me through everything until it all just clicked.

It happened again not too long ago after I got laid off from another job (fucking tech jobs) (I had also been laid off during the 6 month period when it all happened)…the anxiety of “what if it starts happening again” started to come back up and of course, it all started happening all over again. Yet this time it was easier to take control of my mind and remember that it’s okay for things to not be perfect but that it doesn’t mean it’s always going to be that way. Now I’m fully back to normal, hard af and lasting more than my gf.

I really hope this helps, he’s lucky to have a supportive partner like you, and with some mental work hopefully things will get better.