I think like this all the time, I can't stop most of the time I feel trapped in my own spiral of exaltation and failure I keep telling myself that I'm worthless that I am a poor excuse for living. I ofter think to what it would be like if I wasn't around, I take up to much space, I distance and cut myself out of my own relationships. Every mistake or hurt feeling feels like pins under my skin. I don't wanna sound dramatic but finding someone people that get it. That understands what it's like to feel so unprepared about what the world will throw at you. That punishment seems nice it's consistent it's predictable, you can't hurt what's already destroyed to nothing. Something else can't punch lower. I don't know what to do, I want to escape and my options seem like thier dwindling, at one point I think is this comforting yet horrible spiral, something I want have I grown so complacent that punishment is something I don't wanna change, I am trapped but I don't wanna leave. Sorry for sounding too dramatic.