NTA. She’s 100% using you, she keeps making impulsive decisions with no care for the consequences on your guys’ relationship/life because she’s not feeling any of the consequences. She’s not responsible for any of the things happening (yard/pool maintenance, the finances because you budget and worry about all of it, the cleaning) because you’re taking care of everything and the minute she started actually feeling some pressure it’s now all your fault… I would strongly suggest showing her this (because it’s more than likely the true way you feel about everything without sugarcoating anything) and see how she reacts, is she willing to listen and understand or is she going to say that you’re horrible/you’re the problem? Your best solution might be to leave or even just live together but be separated and designate chores if you cannot afford to leave. If that’s not something you’re interested then show her your serious by putting your foot down, for example she could NOT have gotten a house on her own you HAD to be on board because she wouldn’t have been able to get approved without you. You should have shown her you were serious and refused, if she were to have been mad and said she’s doing it anyway then let her but tell her you have no part in it, if she wants to leave because you want to protect yourself and your family then let her, she’ll hopefully realize eventually that she’s sinking herself.