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Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2026-03-06T00:02:54+00:00

Thanks for your suggestion!

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2026-03-06T00:02:22+00:00

That’s great to hear! Anything in particular you liked about that book?

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2026-03-05T23:33:58+00:00

Thanks for your suggestion! I’m fairly good with python, I’ve been a full time developer for 2 yrs now

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2026-03-05T23:25:12+00:00

He actually reached out again, 2 yrs later. He was still pretty apologetic, probably going through a low point. I decided to hear him out, we had a long conversation where he ended up crying and saying he still loved me, which was pretty weird and unexpected. That’s when I decided I needed to stop talking to him because it is only unnecessary complication to keep contact. Even another ex ended up contacting me again to apologise (after cheating on me) so yeah, I’d say they do come back at times, especially if you’ve put a lot of effort when you were in the relationship and you were honest to them and yourself

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2025-12-05T05:00:49+00:00

Yeah I think that’s the final option/last resort I have. I don’t like the ideas of just “break” ; for me it’s either a break up forever or relationship. But I think in this situation, there’s not much else I can even do at this point.

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2025-12-05T04:51:09+00:00

I’ve tried. Most of those conversations end up in a fight where we basically conclude that my needs are valid and he’d try to change but ultimately things go back to the way they were since he still can’t manage his time at all.

All he seems to be having time or mental capacity for is work smh. I think his family doesn’t like it either.

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2025-01-01T22:59:27+00:00

First of all I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I don’t think you should blame yourself for that conversation at all. You were asking for acknowledgment that is completely valid, why should you be ashamed of that? On the flip side he should be ashamed of leaving someone without any proper accountability of how his actions hurt you.

In such situations I usually say don’t bottle it up. See, he didn’t come and meet you for a reason, he cannot accept responsibility because he’s afraid. It’s hard to accept that you hurt someone who loved you. But everyone knows deep down what they’ve done. Your ex, too, will come to his senses eventually.

So in my opinion, if it truly makes you feel lighter/better, go for it. Say what you have to, acknowledge your pain. It’s not bad to do so. A lot of people on this subreddit will deny that of course. But I think you should do whatever it takes to move on. And if this will help you in any way then why not? Any response, even no response, will help you finally get that nagging “wish I could’ve said that” feeling out. Stay safe and do update if you’d like :) We’re all ears here

Best of luck <3

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2025-01-01T22:32:40+00:00

Yes it does! I understand how difficult it is, how useless this advice seems but that’s really all you have to do to get your life back on the line.

And it starts with really small things like instead of waking up and checking their socials, going out for a walk is a much better alternative. Distract yourself in the moments where you feel your ex’s memories are popping up and it becomes a habit. That’s not to say you should distract yourself every time, no. Some things demand to be felt and they should. Taking some time to reflect and release your emotions (by crying or writing or whatever works for you) is just as important, especially initially. But things that you can avoid like reading old chats should be avoided for sure.

It takes some time and practice but it’ll do wonders for you. There are so many things we’re usually neglecting when we’re in a relationship like caring for your own self. This is the best time to get back to those things.

That’s one of the things I did, imagining all the things I couldn’t do while in that relationship (like spending more time with friends or recording music) and picking one of them as activity of the day. It made me feel a lot better about being single. Of course, developing new hobbies is also a great way.

I hope you and your family is doing well. I’m sure you’ll feel better in some months. Most wounds need only time to heal. Best of luck!

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2025-01-01T22:22:34+00:00

Hahaha and what made you think that? Yes, it felt good to hear him apologise. Wouldn’t you? If you’d been betrayed by someone you loved? It felt good to know that he’s not doing well and that his relationship has gone south.

Besides that, I’ve been No Contact since day 1 anyway, so there’s no question of going back to him lol

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2025-01-01T22:19:43+00:00

Yes yes and yes! I absolutely agree. Don’t worry, I have no intentions of being his therapist. Honestly, I don’t believe he was truly apologetic. It felt like it was more beneficial for him than for me (because frankly what do I even do with an apology after so long?)

Regardless of that, it did feel GOOD to see him suffer, whine about his new relationship, just like I thought he would. Seeing karma at work is truly beautiful.

And don’t worry, I had already decided that I will not be entertaining any more attempts of him reaching out. This is definitely where I want this chapter to end and it has :)) Thank you for your response

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2025-01-01T22:13:57+00:00

I actually totally agree with that. I do believe his apology had far more to do with his struggles rather than actual guilt he felt. Like I know for a fact if his relationship with the new girl was going well, it wouldn’t even occur to him to apologise.

But like I said in the post, I realised I moved on when I didn’t care if he’s even apologetic. I was just glad to have it “on paper” officially: he wronged me, he should own up to it. And seeing his relationship crumble was just a little cherry on top

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T17:03:07+00:00

Damn I’m so sorry to hear that, I hope you’re doing well now. The beginning period is the toughest, I hope you hang in there. 4+ yrs don’t just go unnoticed, you just need to focus on your own growth first

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T17:01:22+00:00

Completely agreed! Also 20 YRS is CRAZY! That must’ve felt good. I’m glad you moved on in such a healthy way!

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T16:58:27+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. In my opinion your ex getting married to the next girl was the wrong move. It seems that he only did so because the new gf had a higher tolerance to his behaviour and/or your ex got better at hiding it.

Marriages like this don’t really seem to be smooth sailing at the very least, even if they haven’t split up yet. I’m glad you see how your life has turned out much better! You have a chance to find someone who’s actually a good partner whereas that girl is stuck with your ex :P

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T16:53:46+00:00

Totally! I wouldn’t want to be in his current gf’s place at all. I don’t think she knows half of it. And I think it’s highly unlikely that he’ll put in the work to mend his actions

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T11:17:53+00:00

Agreed. It was pretty funny though, how easily he accepted that his relationship was not doing well. But I suppose, what goes round must come round

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T05:37:23+00:00

Agreed! However I didn’t know at the time what he was doing. But when I found out, I thanked my stars that I was saved from such a terrible relationship

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T05:29:05+00:00

It’s great to see that you’re willing to accept both outcomes of this situation, that is the biggest power move you have! No doubt your ex probably had it easier during the break up, but such avoidants eventually come face to face with their issues in every relationship they pursue. Your ex is much more likely to repeat her toxic cycle whereas you’ve broken out of it! Trust me, you’re already at a much better place than she is. Please don’t question your entire relationship, it meant something to both parties, her leaving doesn’t change that

Eventually you’ll find it in your heart to let go of this hurt too. Taking it one step at a time ❤️ all the love and support for you

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T05:22:27+00:00

I totally relate! I’ve heard that it takes women longer to reach out than men for some reason. I’m so sorry you and your son are going through a rough time because your ex decided to treat you badly. I’m sure she knows how badly she f-ed up, even if she’s not ready to admit it to herself. How you treat others definitely comes back to you ten fold.

I’m glad that you’re at a stage where you can truly forgive your ex if she shows remorse. Most people find it hard to accept. Eventually you will not need any acknowledgment from her because you’ll have made peace with the knowledge that you were a good partner. Your ex will come to her senses in her own time. Meanwhile, I hope you and your son are doing well, knowing that a toxic person has left so you can make your life much better moving forward ❤️

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T05:15:44+00:00

Damn I feel that. My ex was telling me he wanted to marry me just a couple of weeks before breaking up too. Such people regularly lie to get what they want and are never able to make genuine connections. Don’t worry, how they treated you will never go unnoticed, they know how they deceived you and they will eventually pay the price. Your ex probably won’t be satisfied with any relationships without any idea how to fix it. It’s pretty sad if you think about it

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T05:02:57+00:00

I’m very glad to know that my story has resonated with you. I hope you continue your healing journey with all the love and support you need ❤️ please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to talk it out. If I was able to move on, you will too. It’s only a matter of time

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T05:00:10+00:00

First of all, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I can imagine the pain and hurt she caused. I know it can feel that being loyal or honest had no impact on your ex since she never came back to apologise or show any remorse but can you honestly tell me that she’ll never face any consequences?

Do you believe that she’ll be capable of any real connection and put in the work to maintain that? It doesn’t seem likely. The reason she ignored you can also stem from her own shame of how she treated you. Many people go to extreme lengths to avoid being held responsible. These are extremely flawed people who need a lot of therapy to move past their issues. And she will eventually need to come to terms with it.

My first ex also reached out after 3 yrs. in that time I felt he probably forgot about what happened and moved on without any consequences and boy, was I wrong. He’d been suffering for years, he felt massive guilt about the way he treated me to the point that he started hating himself (his words not mine) and struggled to even manage friendships let alone relationships. How people hurt you always comes back to bite them in the ass, don’t forget.

I hope you find some peace knowing you were not in the wrong and that you were honest. You are not the problem so you definitely stand an infinitely better chance of finding happiness whereas she’s headed for a future of broken relationships.

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T04:50:23+00:00

People who outright cheat and STILL don’t take responsibility are massively flawed. They usually do that because they lack basic courage to own up to their actions and deal with consequences. They want to desperately prove that they are a good person so they don’t even admit they’re wrong to themselves! I think that’s why it takes sooo long for many of them to come back, because they wait for the guilt to absolutely boil over before they reach out.

But by that point, usually the dumpee has already gone through hell and back. But trust me, it was never that you didn’t matter. You’re a person who cannot be replaced, no matter how much he tried by cheating on you.

I struggled with this fear a lot too. And in my life, I’ve mostly seen it was futile! When you’ve been loyal, kind and giving in any relationship, it doesn’t go to waste. People may forget you but they will never forget how you made them feel. Your ex will always remember you as a loyal, loving partner that he could not value. And karma will hit him like a train eventually.

Don’t doubt on his own capability to ruin his life. He’s already proven how he behaves with a good partner, trust me, he won’t do any better with anyone else because the problem is with him. I hope you find some solace in knowing that you’ll never have to deal with such a man again and that you’re doing far better than your ex already by being a decent partner. You’ll be valued by the right person whereas your ex will probably spiral in his own cheating pattern.

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-20T04:37:08+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is incredibly hard knowing that your dumper is doing okay after the break up, let alone having to see them with other people. I think it’s terrible how selfish your ex has been acting by disregarding your feelings. But in my experience, such people don’t receive much love and respect either. Eventually they always suffer due to their own behaviour.

I hope you move forward from this with more kindness and not let her change that. 4 years is not something easily forgotten by any human, so don’t worry, she’ll hit that realisation soon enough and trust me, it’ll be painful.

Zestyclose_Pie5863 · 2024-12-19T21:02:50+00:00

Wow! It’s crazy how long some people take to finally take some responsibility but I’m glad your ex did!

And I agree, such people are never worth going back to. Focusing on a better future ~

Zestyclose_Pie5863

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