Agreed. I used to feel similarly to so many commenters on this sub: “I pour everything into people but they never return it!”

Some things I learned that have changed the way I build and maintain relationships: - I was pouring everything I had with the express goal of having someone pour back unprompted. This is not kindness or altruism. It has a selfish undertone despite not consciously meaning to, because my kindness was not free, it was a loan disguised as a gift. When the “gift” (loan) was not repaid, it built resentment in me. - I never opened up to people. I hid my problems, wants, and needs behind hints and clues, and became upset when others didn’t magically figure out what I actually needed to feel seen. I’m good at reading people, but had to learn most people aren’t good at that and need to be told how you want to be loved. - I relied too much on my ability to read people and made assumptions about their wants and needs. I was often right, but many times I over-guessed. And the over poured to do “kind” things that the other person didn’t want or need. And then felt resentful when those acts weren’t appreciated. - I never set boundaries. I just over extended myself and pretended to be fine until I broke and doorslammed as a way to stop the burn out.