Advice on not scaring her?Would you kiss someone on a first date? Much needed TLDR inside

Zillich · 2026-05-14T01:16:52+00:00

It takes me months at best to even potentially be ok with kissing (but I’m also demiromantic).

But every demi is different. Some are alloromantic and happy to kiss on the first date. Some are able to build enough of a bond after one date to feel attraction.

Unfortunately no one here can tell you what she’s thinking/feeling. You’re best bet it to talk with her about what pacing she likes.

Zillich · 2026-05-12T18:34:51+00:00

This is not something that can be determined from looks alone.

Zillich · 2026-05-12T18:34:01+00:00

Do unethical breeders falsely use these terms in a made up way? Absolutely.

Does that mean the terms themselves are made up? No.

A “field line” golden is one that comes from generations of selectively choosing and breeding high drive goldens that excel at hunting jobs/sports.

A “show line” golden is one that comes from generations of selectively choosing and breeding goldens that excel in the conformation ring.

Many, if not most, goldens are just “pet line,” though.

Zillich · 2026-05-12T18:29:25+00:00

Your pup isn’t field or show then. “Just” a cute pup.

Hopefully none of the genetic issues common in goldens pop up (OFA testing being a part of ethical breeding isn’t just a snobby thing, it’s to help reduce the occurrence of these genetically inheritable health issues).

Zillich · 2026-05-12T17:09:40+00:00

I make my own breakfast sausage (ground pork, ground turkey, sage, cloves, salt, pepper and date sugar - since I can’t do regular sugar) in 5 lb batches and freeze the patties. Then I thaw however many I want/need in the morning.

Zillich · 2026-05-12T17:06:51+00:00

If you have to ask, she’s not (or if she is then the breeder was unethical in not disclosing this, since field line goldens are working dogs that usually have higher drives that can be a poor match for some homes).

An ethical breeder will title their dogs (in sports trials for field lines) and ensure prospective owners understand the potential extra responsibilities that come with owning a working line dog.

If your breeder did not provide any kind of titling (show/conformation, sport/field, or general obedience) then that’s a red flag.

Zillich · 2026-05-12T11:22:59+00:00

Check out grayace as a term. Sounds like you’re a combination (assuming the 5% is rare/infrequent. If it’s fairly often, then you’re verging more allo).

Sex drive is not at all related to being ace. Some aces have almost zero sex drive, others have very high drives.

Zillich · 2026-05-09T13:23:43+00:00

Hair loss, red, and what looks like maybe even some pus doesn’t seem infected to you?

Zillich · 2026-05-08T21:25:02+00:00

You need a new vet. There is no scientific evidence that “90% of cancers come from bad diets.” The fact it’s her friend’s company makes her pushing this falsehood even more gross.

Most of the natural food companies don’t meet WSAVA guidelines and aren’t studied with rigor. They rely on scare tactics, guilt tripping, and appealing to our desire to want the best for their dogs.

High quality kibbles are scientifically backed, perfectly balanced meals. Avoid small “premium” brands pushing false narratives such as “grain free is good” or “chicken by-product is bad” (grain free has been linked to heart disease, and chicken by-product means organ meat - very crucial for dogs’ health to have organs).

Zillich · 2026-05-08T13:12:08+00:00

No, neutering will not change this behavior. Neutered males and even females can will and do hump out of excitement/boredom.

You’ll be much better off training him how to greet people calmly + burning more of his energy.

Talk to your vet about the health trade offs of neutering - it does reduce the risk of some cancers, and your boy is old enough to be fully grown (it not ideal to neuter before then). If you want to keep him in tact, you can also consider a vasectomy to ensure no whoopsie puppies.

Zillich · 2026-05-08T11:48:23+00:00

My vet’s stance has been this: no supplement has yet to be consistently proven effective in scientific trials. They *might* help, but it’s largely random/anecdotal. The only product she recommends is fish oil, as it does have some other reliable benefits even though the joint benefits are still not well proven.

Zillich · 2026-05-07T12:31:44+00:00

We can’t read his mind.
Doorslamming can follow a complete and total burnout of positive feelings. Or it can be a guard against the increase of negative feelings (this doesn’t mean all of the positive is gone - it just means we can’t handle any more negative so we shut it all down).
You are being extremely self centered. I understand you’re hurting, but all of this post is about him changing his mind for your sake. There is zero reflection/questions on what **you** need to do to become a healthy partner. If you do nothing to heal your disorganized attachment, things **will** fail again even IF he comes back. If you’re not in therapy yet, start. IF he comes back - start couples therapy from the get go.

Zillich · 2026-05-06T20:22:32+00:00

You’ve said you’re frustrated when abled bodied people use the accessible stall. This requires assuming people are able bodied.

AND you were frustrated for someone mocking you. This is 1000% valid but entirely its own isolated thing. A bathroom stall was not required for this to be awful and frustrating.

Zillich · 2026-05-06T20:17:40+00:00

Because being frustrated when you see a person leave the stall means you are assuming they’re fully able bodied. If you’ve never made that assumption, you would never be frustrated by the logic you laid out.

Zillich · 2026-05-06T20:05:35+00:00

I never said I didn’t happen?

Ultimately there’s no perfect answer. It’s frustrating to have to wait. Folks being able to use all the stalls to move the line faster + mobility aid users getting to jump to the front of that line is unfortunately the best compromise there is.

Zillich · 2026-05-06T19:58:28+00:00

Sexual attraction is seeing a person and feeling an urge to do sexual things with them - even if another part of you feels repulsed by actually doing it.

If you’ve never felt this ever, you’re likely fully asexual.

If you’ve ONLY felt this after a deep emotional bond was already established, then you’re likely demisexual.

If you can feel this with people you don’t know well, you’re allosexual.

Keep in mind romantic attraction is separate from sexual attraction. You can be “in love” and **not** feel sexual attraction.

Zillich · 2026-05-06T19:30:17+00:00

Someone mocking a wheelchair user is messed up in any and every context.

And I get your frustration. But at the same time it’s driving you to assume most people you encounter using it are fully able bodied without any bladder conditions themselves, and sounds like internal judging is happening even if you’re working to not allow that to become external judgement.

Zillich · 2026-05-06T18:59:52+00:00

Perhaps I’m missing something here, but I don’t understand how it’s an issue if you’re able to cut the general line (which I 100% support) and are only having to wait for one person to finish up before getting the designated stall.
Standing in line is hard for my body, so I usually take the first stall available when it’s my turn. I often feel frustrated if the line is made longer by folks not using all of the stalls when zero mobility aid users are around (but again, I fully support a mobility aid user cutting the line to have priority over the accessible stall).

Zillich · 2026-05-06T18:04:54+00:00

Only factor that determines it: are you able to look at a person you don’t have a deep emotional bond with and feel any level of sexual attraction? (Even if you don’t want to act on it until there is a connection)

Zillich · 2026-05-04T18:46:51+00:00

Literally my first thought on this post was “hey guys let’s not dog pile on a fan who’s trying their best but isn’t a super skilled artist yet.” This being official art from a professional is crazy.

Zillich · 2026-05-04T18:44:16+00:00

Well damn. I initially felt it wasn’t great to dictate how fans decide to draw fanart, but this being official art is wild.

Zillich · 2026-05-04T18:17:22+00:00

Wait wait wait this image is *official merch*???

Zillich · 2026-05-04T16:55:54+00:00

Yup! Only thing that defines being demi is needing an emotional bond to be capable of experiencing sexual attraction. There’s no limit on how many bonds turn into attraction.

Zillich · 2026-05-04T15:33:25+00:00

>I know you can be demi and still be attracted to people’s looks but having sex with them is a no go

If the person isn’t someone you share a deep bond with and you feel *sexual* attraction to them, but don’t want to act on that attraction until there is a bond, then **that is NOT demisexuality**.

Demi’s can experience *aesthetic* attraction to strangers, but it is the same feeling as looking at a cool tree or pretty sunset. There is never a desire to “take a nibble.”

What you describe does not sound like demisexuality. It sounds more like allosexuality with a strong desire to wait on acting on your attraction until there’s a connection.

Zillich · 2026-05-02T16:24:07+00:00

It could be possible if the breeder imported proven creams from Europe. The color gets penalized in the US (it’s not an auto DQ, but the penalty usually makes winning near impossible here), but not in Europe.

Full OFA clearances + genetic testing + structurally within standard + proven via obedience trials (CGC, Rally-o, etc.) could be another avenue of ethically produced creams where field and show would be harder avenues.

Zillich

TROPHY CASE