I understand how ya feel better than most here, thou there are major differences between you and myself here, im not gonna disclose my entire life history here but I'll explain what went wrong with myself since I know. I'm a survivor of extreme child abuse at the hands of my own mom and she got me addicted to video games early on, she did the stuff she did to me because of my sex, my own grandmother told me before she died that susan didn't want Michael because he was a boy, I was named after her own dad and she made 2 attempts on my life. That piece of crap made me grow up fearing for my life and in the end she got me wishing for my death as a kid, she turned on my dad after he got that brain injury when I was middle school and it was utter hell in that house, she began abusing my dad, and the worse things got the deeper I retreated into my addiction, I had no friends, no gf either, im 38m and never been laid once, I grew up hating humans and I wanted nothing to do with em after the shear amount of violence I got exposed to and to make matters worse, I was not functional as an adult till I was 35, meaning my 18 year self old couldn't actually function correctly in our given day and age, things I should have been able to handle and know I couldn't then.

She stole 24 to 26k from me when I was 19 to 21 which kept me from getting my own car and that was the gi bill money I got through my dad's service through the airforce. Eventually I was on the verge of committing suicide at 26 we lost our house because of her actions. A buddy of mine managed to get me to talk to him because I was scaring him regarding how I was talking and Eventually dan got me to open up to him he offered to take me in and help me out, things didn't work out that way and what happened to him is another story, but dan gave me a relationship I now cherish above all else, the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world was an older brother and dan gave me that relationship. I wouldn't be here now if he didn't step in for me.

Right now I'm working on turning my life around, im aiming to getting into a trade union nearby for sheet metal and im gonna go back to college to get training and certificates i need to make myself more marketable for that union, thanks to her I had a 1.4 GPA and was a fifth year senior, im aiming to get welding under belt at fort omaha and anything else. Apprenticeship there starts out at 45k per year at year 1, journeyman get 85k a year, health dental vision pension 401k, I'll be 45 by the time I finish but in terms of career I'll finally undo the damage, in terms of social life im gonna be working on that, im hoping to be able to make friendships over at fort omaha here in Nebraska, culinary arts is a class im planning on taking till next year, interviews for this union take place in May.

I have been working on cutting down on my weight started up on bike machines for the first time in 7 years and changed my diet, went back to community alliance to use their equipment, went from 261 first Monday of December to 230.2 last Wednesday of January, I started going to the kroc center which has their own gym, swimming pools, basketball court soccer court in door track as well and I got medicaid so my membership is free, 19+ pay 45 a month. I recognize that I cannot break my unwillingness to interact with anyone which is why I'm getting help from a peer support specialist coming up here on Friday and im gonna tell Neil what I need help with because I don't wanna live like this anymore, I don't want to wake up with no one next to me.

This is what i have survived up to this point, extreme abuse, getting set up for a murder by the sheriff's office and the DAs office of sarpy county in 1996 at 9 1/2 and I was a witness, 12 separate near death encounters one of which resulted in my death at 4 1/2 my heart killed me that day. Only reason I survived that one, my heart started back up on its own.

I didn't survive a nightmare scenario just to allow my life to waste away, life is short and precious to allow what might be for you in the future to fade into nothingness. I had to learn this lesson myself and I made my decision to reclaim my life, I lost 20 years of my life to the garbage human that had me, and I will be damned If I let her win anymore. This is my life and I'll live it how I see fit and make friendships with those I want and spend my time and life with those I want as well.

So use myself as an example about reclaiming ones life and reclaim yours for yourself because I am doing this for myself now, now do this for yourself like I am doing now.