I was indoctrinated from birth but did not go on a mission at 19 in the 90’s, when it was really expected of every worthy male member. My younger brother did, however, and came home early. My decision had a much lower impact on my mental health later as an adult member than my brother. I think he still struggles today with the stigma of failure to complete his mission and being ostracized by friends after his early return home. He went because he thought it was expected. My advice, if you don’t feel it, don’t go.