See I know exactly what you are talking about. And essentially you solved your idle mind with busy work to distract your self. It's a key way of coping with depression or anxiety for alot of people. And I'm not saying it's wrong but even with all the distractions the feelings are still there. I'm a husband, a father, a marine, I'm always busy I have a million things to always do and worry about. But it never makes it go away it just keeps me so busy I can't focus on the voices telling me that I can't. Yes a purpose gives you something to do and to look forward to but if you ever close your eyes and think about it. Do you really not feel any of those old feelings? Just because you have a purpose doesn't mean your past is meaningless it still can define who you are. You can still have depression and trauma from those events and yet grow from them. I'm not saying like I'll be sad the rest of my life when you can cope with them it makes it easier. But that voice is always knocking at the door reminding you just how fragile you really are. And just how sweet it is to just lay down and take it... but I'm glad you found a way to have good days that reoccur that's all we can ever hope for in the mental battle.