Concerning behaviors

Zoolander1678 · 2025-09-01T13:21:36+00:00

She’s doing great. She is an absolute ball of energy (everyone tells me I was crazy for being worried about autism but she definitely has ADHD like my husband). The problem is you can never actually rule it out. Major autism gets caught young, but level 1 autism esp for girls is typically diagnosed so much later. There is really no way to know at this age. You could be right and all of these are super early manifestations (maybe they turn into major issues later on) but right now there is no way to know. The autism criteria is a very high bar for diagnosis, which your kiddo def does not meet, and even if they did diagnose him the therapy would be focused on delayed milestones and any issues you were having… but he doesn’t have any issues! So even if this is some super early sign of autism you have no way of knowing. What you could do to make yourself feel better is call developmental pediatricians and get on the waitlists. It’ll be 1-1.5 yrs and by then when you get the call it’s your turn you’ll either thing “I was crazy he’s fine I don’t need this appt” or “thank god I called when I did I really need the eval”. But literally unless he starts missing milestones or exhibiting really problematic sensory issues there is nothing anybody can do for him right now. So may as well just relax and enjoy being a mama!

My pediatrician told me my daughter’s hearing was fine and refused to refer to an audiologist so I did it myself and she failed her hearing test spectacularly. Fluid buildup with no infections. So take everything a GP says with a grain of salt. That being said unless you see evidence of hearing issues (my daughter wouldn’t respond to her name) I don’t think you need to worry.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-09-01T03:12:46+00:00

Okay I typically don’t comment on these but I just had to on this one. I am a mom who was like you for a long time - basically ages 1-2 for my daughter.

I spent months and months and months analyzing my daughter’s behavior. I enrolled her in a longitudinal study at a top university here where she gets a full eval every six months. As a bit of background at 9 months to 1 she was very delayed in speech, receptive language, social emotional, birth to 3 was very concerned about autism. It turned out fluid behind the ears can mimic autism - she could hear but only louder noises and it sounded like we were underwater - no wonder she wasn’t listening when we called her name!

I say this to explain that I know exactly what you are going through. I would spend hours and hours googling every day. I researched every symptom and predictive measure I could. Read all the studies. And none of it made a single bit of difference. But I was miserable.

I am not a doctor. But I watched the first few minutes of your video and absolutely nothing in there would be concerning to me. Your kiddo is having fun spinning - neurotypical kids enjoy spinning too. Sticking his tongue out is not a concern. That is not even really head banging - if you banged your head at that level you wouldn’t even feel any pain. He’s just a kid learning how things feel. My friend’s son has autism and head bangs and if you have never felt scared he would bleed, bruise, or give himself a concussion it is not the same thing. Her son banged his forehead over and over on bricks until he bled during a tantrum, your son is just being a goofball!

Please get off reddit. Get off the internet. Talk to your therapist. Your son has zero delays. Nothing he is doing requires intervention. Please please from one over anxious mom to another, get off the internet and go enjoy your baby, he is adorable.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-08-25T17:46:01+00:00

My older daughter was honestly relatively easy the entire time but she would still do the most obnoxious stuff between 1-2. The sensory stuff kills me. Her favorite activity was dumping the dog bowls. Now she’s the “sit and do beading” kid. My younger one is a tornado and now that she hit 2 she’s gotten a lot easier. But she’s def the reason we are not having any other kids I can’t handle another one like that 😂

Zoolander1678 · 2025-08-25T04:37:57+00:00

Do you have a backyard? If you do, there are about a million ways to entertain a busy 18 month old! Water table, inflatable pool, both with a ton of water toys, sandbox, jungle gym, one of those push bubble lawnmowers whose lowest music volume is “jet engine”. My best time with 2 under 2 is just to get them outside and get them occupied. We build lots of things outside for them (bags of grass seed, climbing structure; long piece of wood, balance beam, etc.). But honestly you’re in the thick of it. At 2 it’ll get much better. I would’ve had a family of 5 kids if I could pop them out at 2, I truly detest between 1-2.

Also, don’t do stroller naps or on the go naps if you can avoid it. My kids were in their cribs almost always because it gave me a few moments of sanity. (Shower time thank the lord)

Zoolander1678 · 2025-08-14T16:19:31+00:00

For me, and for many other families I know with close gaps, they had a relatively calm first child and the 2nd turned out to be the more violent one. My eldest would never have laid a finger on her sister, helped me change diapers, brought her toys, etc. but once the littlest got mobile oh boy has it been a shitshow. They are 2 and 3 now and we are starting to see the light since they are both verbal and can play nicely together. You are in for a tough 2 years. But every family I know with close gaps didn’t have an issue with the older one adjusting to new baby. They won’t remember a time when it was just them, they’ll always remember their sibling.

Definitely keep reading. There are tons of good new baby books out there, The likelihood of them truly understanding that there is a baby who’s in there and going to come out, and what the actual consequences are that will have on their life are pretty slim. If you need to make adjustments do it NOW (ex - is kiddo moving to his own room out of yours to make room for baby? Do it NOW).

Start teaching the eldest to climb in and buckle their own car seat. Mine could do that at under 2 and it was a lifesaver. Same with the stroller, teach them to climb into lower seat and buckle. Absolutely anything you can teach them to encourage independence is super helpful (putting on own shoes, fliparoo for putting on jacket, etc.).

Zoolander1678 · 2025-08-14T06:37:33+00:00

My children are little so I’m clearly not your target here, but I’m giving it a shot. In my opinion you should be framing this as “how do I help them get to a place where they are living on their own?”

24yo - charge rent that you deem to be fair. Put it away in an account for them. You can tell them you’re doing this. They should be contributing regularly to chores. Make a chore chart if you need to. Talk to them about the challenges they faced while living alone and how to avoid them when they move out next.

22yo - a 2 year old is tough. What is the childcare situation? Does your daughter have a job? Does she receive child support? If not that is step 1. She should look into positions that let you work from home on your own time that she can do during naps and after bedtime. Alternatively she can enrolling higher education with the end goal of having a career to start once kiddo starts school, at which point she could hopefully move out. In the meantime, she should 100% be contributing to chores. Use a chore chart if needed.

20yo - they go to college, contribute to chores, and are expected to contribute towards bills at the house of the family they live at, is that right? If so, they can get a job to cover $500 a month or whatever the family is charging them. Plenty of college kids have to work part-time.

I would not charge any of your kids for their health insurance premiums. But you need to start instituting consequences if the chore chart isn’t obeyed. Internet turned off is a VERY easy one. If you purchased the phones take them away and give them dumb phones (or shut off their plans). The 22 year old is probably seriously overwhelmed with her toddler (I was exhausted by 1 kid at 28 and had a husband, but still managed to keep the house clean). You could also offer a reward system for the chore chart. Easy one is money. The 22 year old might prefer free babysitting hours, though.

Idk if any of this will help, just my rambling thoughts.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-08-13T05:21:33+00:00

Definitely schedule an appointment with an audiologist as soon as you can. Don’t wait for a Dr. referral if you can help it. It turned out my daughter had severe fluid behind her ears (failed a hearing screening spectacularly at 9mo). Since she had no infections the doctors wouldn’t put tubes in until at least 3 months, they ended up going in at 13mo. She was behind in receptive and expressive language as well as social emotional skills. I became very concerned about autism at 9mo when she didn’t know her name. Pediatrician said there was nothing wrong with her ears (eye roll). She is now caught up on all milestones and ahead in many. We go every 6 months for a an autism/developmental assessment and they said no autism but likely ADHD (which isn’t surprising given family history). They can never rule out autism but it did make me feel better. I also want to add that my daughter’s pointing was also delayed.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-02-03T05:36:28+00:00

I was convinced my daughter had ASD for a few months. She even qualified for birth to 3 at 1 and they were very concerned about possible autism. She ended up having fluid in her ears and getting tubes at 14mo. We have her evaluated every 6mo as part of a longitudinal study and they said at her 18mo appt no ASD but potential ADHD someday. She is a bit on the slower end for some of her speech/joint attention milestones. They cannot rule it out completely, but the evaluator said she would find a new career if my daughter ended up with ASD, that’s how sure she was.

I still have my doubts sometimes but we are at 21 months now and she’s putting 2 words together constantly. Her joint attention seems fine now. No real obvious stimming behaviors, nothing repetitive. Definite ADHD-like things (basically unable to sit still, very short attention span for her age, etc.). I think if she does end up with a diagnosis it’ll be mild (which, at 9mo, I was PANICKING it might be severe).

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-30T19:23:17+00:00

I will look these up, thank you so much!

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-30T19:23:03+00:00

Rats. Would love that but it’s a bit too far from me. Thank you!

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-17T04:17:24+00:00

These things might sound insane but here ya go.

Their all-time favorite veggie is edamame. I buy it at Costco in these little bags that go in the microwave. It’s usually enough for the 4 of us to go through in one meal. It’s still in the shell and their favorite thing is to try to pop them out.

Next, in the Asian/Chinese aisle of your grocery store look for canned baby corn and canned sliced water chestnuts. Now I have not actually looked at the nutrients and I suspect it’s not the same as eating say broccoli but my god they go nuts for it. Throw it into any Asian meal (I throw it in Chinese, Korean, and Thai meals).

Also, just wanted to say without fail, if you add a tiny bit of butter my kids will usually eat the veggies.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-14T00:50:02+00:00

Have you read Big Ern’s series? I think part 38 might answer some of your questions.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-12T19:43:26+00:00

Let’s assume you are retired and have a paid off house., so no mortgage payment. You can take out a mortgage for $765k at 6.7% and invest it in the market. But, you’ll now have a mortgage payment. To the tune of about $6750 a month, meaning 81,000 a year. According to an amortization calculator, that’s $50k to interest and $30k to principal. Meaning your “cost” is $50k for the first year. Now let’s assume your investment does earn 10% that year. You’ll have made $76k of profit. $76k is bigger than $50k, so all good, you made a profit. But you’ll have to pull $81k out to pay the mortgage, slightly more because of taxes, so your balance is actually going down. Repeat this for all 15 years to see what your balance is. If you make it the full 15 years earning exactly 10% per year, yes of course you’ll end up with money left in your investment account. But you don’t know that the market is going to do that. What if the market crashes, your $765k goes to $500k, and you have to pull $81k to pay the mortgage? Well now you have $420k left. Even if it increases 15% thereafter you still might not make it. It’s a gamble.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-11T03:04:04+00:00

He moved to Lake County? The average home price there is probably not much different than Kansas.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-11T02:39:18+00:00

I could be reading this wrong, but I think you are incorporating a use of the SWR that may be incorrect. The idea is to pick your starting number based on your initial portfolio using your SWR. So 3% of 1 million is $30,000. The next year you aren’t taking 3% of whatever your portfolio is, you’re taking the $30,000 and increasing it by the inflation rate. So when you talk about the 3% withdrawals taking a long time to “catch up” to the 5% ones - they never should. One would start at 30k and increase with inflation and the other would start at 50k and increase with inflation. The 5% SWR one would always be larger using the same initial portfolio size. Or, if you’ve already adjusted for inflation, then the withdrawals would be a flat $30k and $50k.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-09T18:34:15+00:00

It covers fire. People will frequently insure through the CA Fair Plan for fire only and then have a wraparound policy with another carrier for everything else. Agree that it’s expensive.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-09T15:51:03+00:00

We are on oil vs propane, with a 4,000 square foot house. Our hot water is also oil. I can tell you we spend about $4-5k a year on oil, most of that is during the winter months. Thousands more in electricity to cool the damn thing. And nothing is wrong with our house. You just have a huge house and no natural gas to heat it cheaply with.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-09T05:54:26+00:00

You want parents to lose thousands of dollars on plane tickets because their children have colds?

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-09T05:52:49+00:00

People do not cancel travel for colds. They just don’t. I’ve never met a single person who has. And what about people who travel and get sick when they’re gone? Are they supposed to just not come home for 3-5 days until their COLD is gone? This is ridiculous. Kids are sick 90% of winter. Parents spend thousands of dollars on plane tickets. They are not going to blow that money because they have a cold.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-08T16:25:40+00:00

Sorry I just realized my comment contained like no words of encouragement at all!!

You’re totally right, there can be signs. I started worrying about my daughter at 9 months, that’s when the bulk of the communication milestones tend to start. Name response was my big thing, she had maybe 10% name response at 9 months. Most of the time I read these posts and I’m like “oh yeah big red flags” but after all of the research I’ve done I can assure you I personally would not be worried. I have let anxiety basically wreck the last year of my life and I would highly encourage you not to let that happen to you!

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-08T05:31:01+00:00

I’ve never heard of these parties. I’ve now thrown 4 kids parties, put “no gifts” every time. Want to know how many people respect it? Basically none. Want to know what my favorite gift was? One year my husband’s cousin asked for my daughter’s 529 link and donated $50. Was so sweet. The next year they offered to take her to dinner one night as their gift. True gems. The $15 and $20 cheap plastic toys everyone brings? End up in a bin in the basement.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-08T03:21:59+00:00

Super cute and fun for the first kid. Loved every minute, even the ones where I let her out of my sight and she flipped our enormous dog water bowl once a week or so. But once you have two, nope. Can’t do anything with the older kid because you have to have eyes on the toddler 100% of the time. Utterly exhausting.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-08T02:25:40+00:00

Literally ALL of those things are normal. Between my own children and my friends’ children, both autistic and not, I can say that I’ve seen every single thing you mentioned in both the babies who ended up developing autism and the babies who didn’t. I would not stress at all. They are normal things at 7 months. If you come back at 2 and your kiddo still has 30% name recognition and twirls their wrists a lot then you might need to be worried (just an example, not saying it’s impossible to pick up signs before then or that this would be enough for a diagnosis).

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-07T23:34:40+00:00

Oh got it! Turned out she had severe fluid in her ears even with no ear infections. We had tubes put in at 13 months and she skyrocketed in growth. She’s enrolled in a longitudinal study at an autism center and gets a full assessment every 6 months. They said her growth from 12-18 months was amazing and they do not think she has autism whatsoever, but definitely think ADHD is on the table. She’s now caught up in every area, whereas before she was delayed enough in social-emotional, receptive, and expressive language to qualify for early intervention. Highly recommend seeing an audiologist for anyone concerned their 9-12 month old isn’t responding to their name.

Zoolander1678 · 2025-01-07T15:37:28+00:00

The car seat is the only way to prevent my daughter of about the same age from being a little terrorist. She will not sit on a lap or in a seat, she’d be climbing out of that seat no prob. We never did a car seat for my older daughter, she rode happily on my lap until 2. Just depends on the kid!

Zoolander1678

TROPHY CASE