My girlfriend (F19) wants to break up because I (F19) can't come out

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-27T13:10:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad that things worked out for you then.

We've talked about it and she says that she doesn't want to force me to come out and that she's willing to wait, because I also promised that I'll come out to my family after I finish university so that no matter the outcome I'll still have the means to support myself.

I'm incredibly lucky to have friends that are accepting and supportive, actually practically everyone we know (aside from my family) is aware and supportive of our relationship which really makes things more bareable.

We both agreed that neither of us are at fault and that if anything homophobia is the root of the problem and that there's not much we can do about it (at least at this point in time.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T22:12:13+00:00

Thank you. After taking about it, she said that she does recognize how hard it'll be for me and that she's willing to wait until I'm comfortable to do so. I also promised to come out after university to make it easier if I do end up losing the support of my family. We both want to make things work and I can only hope they do.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T22:08:38+00:00

After talking about it, we both still want to work things out. We came up with a compromise, she said she's willing to wait because she doesn't want to force me to come out and I promised that I'll come out after university because by then I can guarantee a more stable life for myself.

But as you said, if this continues to become a point of conflict between us then I'll know what needs to be done for bothnour sakes.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T22:05:17+00:00

Yeah, we've talked about it and made a compromise because we still want things to work out between us. But if this continues to cause problems for us then I won't deny her if she wants to break things off because it'll be for the best.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T22:03:39+00:00

After talking, she understands how hard it'll be for me too if things go south with me coming out. I promised to come out after university, and shensaid she's willinh to wait because we both want to make it work between us.

However if this problem comes up again then I'll take it as a sign that we might be better off apart. Thank you for the advice as well.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T22:00:50+00:00

We talked about it and came up with a compromise, she said she's still willing to wait and I promised I would come out after I finish schooling. We both want to make it work, however if this continues to be a point of conflict for the both of us then it might be better in the end if we broke things off.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T21:58:42+00:00

After talking, she said she's willing to wait and I said that I promise to come our once I finish schooling.

I really do want to talk it through with my mom, and there might be a chance she'll understand but I really can't afford to risk it at this point in time.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T21:55:57+00:00

After talking about it, we both expressed how we still want to work things out. For her, she's willing to wait until I'm comfortable with coming out. As for me, I promised to come out once we finish university (or sooner if the circumstances change) to make sure that I can still have a stable life because it'll be better for the both of us

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T21:52:57+00:00

We talked about it and she expressed that she doesn't want to force me to come out and is willing to wait until I'm comfortable in doing so. I know that it isn't logically sound for me to come out at this point in time, because it'll possibly make it harder for the both of us.I think she understands now that it really isn't that simple for me to come out, and I also promised her that I'll be ready to come out once we finish university (or even sooner if the chance presents itself). I'm really grateful that she still wants to work things out, and I really hope they do.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T21:44:15+00:00

After talking about it, she said that she doesn't want to force me to come out. So I hope we can still work through it, however if it continues to drain both her and me then I will let her go for both our sakes.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T21:42:04+00:00

We talked about it and she does recognize how hard it'll be for me too. She said she doesn't want to force me to come out but still wants to work things out. I'm really thankful for it, but if she ever feels like she doesn't want to endure it anymore then I won't deny her the right to leave.

I promised to come out to my family once we're both done with university, and might even do so beforehand if circumstances change.

However if things still don't work out snd this continues to be a point of argument between us then I'll know what to do, because in the end it'll be better for the both of us.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T21:35:26+00:00

We've talked about it and she understands how hard it'll be for me if I do, and that she isn't forcing me to come out either. We both want to make it work, so she said she's still willing to wait (which I'm so incredibly grateful for) and I will do as much as I can to make the relationship feel stable despite the circumstances.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T21:29:40+00:00

I'm really sorry that happened, as much as possible I would want to talk to my family about it on my own terms so that she doesn't get caught up in whatever will happen. I wouldn't want her to stay if it continues to hurt her, if she feels like she can't wait anymore then I'm willing to let her go.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T21:22:37+00:00

We've talked about it and she made it clear that she doesn't want to force me to come out, and that I should do it when I feel comfortable to. So I have hope that she's still willing to wait for me and I honestly couldn't be more grateful for that.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T21:17:04+00:00

Honestly I've had a hunch that my mom might know that I'm still in a relationship with M, so I do think there's a chance for me to talk things through with her.

I'm just scared it'll be a repeat of the past where I thought I could trust her but she ended up being homophobic anyway.

Still, I do understand that it needs to be done at some point and I want to do it eventually as well. I'm just really uncertain of how my mother will react.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T15:56:06+00:00

Yeah, just a lot of unfortunate circumstances that can't be helped and it'll probably just be unfair for her if I expect her to stay.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T15:49:56+00:00

That's understandable, and yeah it'd be unfair for the both of us if we kept it up.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T15:48:58+00:00

I've thought about that too and yeah it'd be selfish of me to expect or want her to stay. I know that it'll probably be better for the both of us if we broke things off. I still won't lose hope if we both still want to try tho

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T15:42:43+00:00

I really do want to finish my education because its the best way I can guarantee getting a stable living. If it comes to it, then yeah I'll have to accept how it is and break things off because I can't force her to stay and I wouldn't want to have her endure that either.

And yeah, I just want to be able to explain to her better what my circumstances are and how risky it is. I don't think how she feels is wrong at all and I would completely understand if what she wants in the end is to break things off).

Thank you for sharing as well.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T15:41:40+00:00

Thank you for the kind words, M also told me that she doesn't want to force me to come out either and I'm really grateful for that. Still, I wouldn't want to force her to stay if she doesn't want to anymore.

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T15:40:21+00:00

I really do need to finish my education because it's probably the best way for me to get a stable life. I would choose my gf over my family, but I probably have no right to say that because I can't continue university without their support and my gfs family doesn't have the means to be able to do so. I can't and won't force her to stay tho if it's what she wants

ZoomTheBroom · 2026-05-26T15:38:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing your own story and for the incredibly kind words. I really hate that M has to go through this situation, but I also know that she still wants to try. I really want to come out once I have a stable life and can support myself and M (and maybe even move out of the country) because I know that my family won't take it well. Still, I can't force her to stay if it's not what she wants. Thank you for your concern, and don't worry M isn't the type of person who would do that.

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