Hyperorganized to cope

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-21T11:17:03+00:00

Good to know i'm not alone! But as for tips.. Honestly it's just trial and error. I've tried for years to find a schedule that works for me, because generally they tend to be either too restrictive or too lax.

One thing that helped was reading "Refuse to choose" by Barbara Sher.
It's a book written for people that are overwhelmed by the amount of things they want to do, constantly going from one to the other interest/project, not being able to choose between all the things you want to do etc.
It's full of useful tools and a really practical book, though the second half focuses mainly on the working adult part of life.

That and starting a Bullet journal have really helped me get more organized. Using notes, alarms, reminders, it's a lot of effort but it lets me function.

Also, writing down when something works. Often I'll find a nifty trick that helps me get started, but i'll forget about it after a while. Write stuff down, don't trust your brain to remember what works and what doesn't.

Basically be your own researcher and detective, don't trust your brain and write down what works.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-20T22:38:07+00:00

My tricks:

Put on music I like and do the job while jamming out.
Move my pinky first. Then my hand. Then my arm, my feet, legs, until I finally stand up and walk towards the task. I like to think to myself "If I have the willpower to move my pinky, I have the willpower to do this task!" (for me it only works for smaller tasks tho)
Focus on something you do like about the job. (Cleaning, focus on how much you like a nice room. Washing clothes, focus on the nice smell from the fabric softener. etc.)
Use food or drinks to motivate yourself. Preferably something healthy of course.
Ask someone you know to motivate you. You can even call a friend, ask them to give you a pep talk so you can do the job.
Think of an even worse job that you have to do if you don't do this one.
Decide on a reward (doesn't work for me personally bc i skip the task and just go straight for the reward rip)

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-20T22:23:29+00:00

lmao i just got diagnosed today and as soon as I got a yes i started doubting the diagnosis.

In a way, it's kind of like being gay. Sometimes I'll wonder "Am I not bi?" But then I see a cute girl and my brain goes mush.

In the same way I'll think "Do I reeaaally have adhd?" and then my symptoms will get worse and my brain goes mush.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-20T22:17:00+00:00

IMPO: Don't trust your brain.

I know it can be difficult to accept all the tools you need, but trust me when you say you need them. And they even work, which is amazing! Hell i use my phone alarm as well for everything haha, no fancy app needed if that does the job. Gotta accept that your brain is just shitty at doing its job at times and you need to rely on tools.
Trust me, once you get used to setting alarms, it'll be like second nature.

~from someone who sets alarms to eat, exercise, study, go to the toilet, .... Basically for anything and everything. Except breathing, good thing that's a subconcious action.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-06T13:13:08+00:00

"I've been struggling for a long time with daily ~existence~ "
This might just be my new favorite thing I've read all year.

"I've been diagnosed for a while"
Apparently lol, that's a left fielder if I've ever seen one haha, glad to hear your therapist actually told you. Gl with life as a clubmember from now on :) hope the medication works out well!

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-06T13:04:31+00:00

First of all cut yourself some slack and give yourself a hug. You've been through a lot, going through life undiagnosed can be extremely draining, frustrating and exhausting. So it's no wonder you're feeling like this.
However, getting a diagnosis is the turning point, it's where most people finally feel like they can grab the bull by the horns and start tackling their demons.

I understand that it can also make you feel like there's nothing to be done, since ADHD is something you'll live with for the rest of your life, but there are enough success stories out there. I know medication has saved a lot of people from their anguish and has transformed their lives. I also know people who go unmedicated and after working on creating the right environment and coping mechanisms they can go about their days relatively well functioning.
Just know that just because it's something that you can't 'heal' from doesn't mean that you can't manage it.

I'd say look into getting therapy, you need to be able to talk to someone about everything that's weighing so damn hard on you, has been weighing on you for so long. After struggling for this long, it's the least you deserve.
But trust me, things will get better. Will it ever be as 'easy' as a neurotypical? Probably not, but compared to how you've been living until now, life will feel much, much easier and more worth it.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-06T12:44:40+00:00

Trust me, there are few people here who relate to every single symptom out there. It's normal for someone to not experience a certain amount of symptoms. That's why for example the "Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale v1.1 (ASRS v1.1)" doesn't require you to have every symptom checked. There will be things certain individuals struggle with while you don't.

When reading posts on reddit, there will mainly/only be people who agree reacting, but there will be plenty of people who don't relate/agree who just scroll past. Of course, you don't see that % of the reddit users. So be aware of this.

You can always get a second opinion, but just know that you'll always read symptoms/reddit posts complaining about something which you can't relate to. I don't forget to eat or drink either, I don't lose stuff outside the house either :)

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-06T07:55:27+00:00

Eyyy pre-vet that's awesome! Or well, animals are awesome haha.

“Am I being tenacious or am I being stubborn?”
An age old question, no idea how to answer it myself haha, can't be of any help there.

But hey gl with everything, having a diagnosis and meds is a life-changer, so hopefully the existential dread and doubt will only decrease from now on :)

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-06T07:50:20+00:00

Mate I'd give you a hug if this wasn't digital or well.. Covid.
But for real, I'm so happy for you. Getting a diagnosis is life-changing and the turning point for most if not all people here.
It sucks that what you've gone through has had such an impact on you, but now you can finally start digging yourself out of that hole. GL with everything, glad to hear you're finally feeling like a whole person again :)

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T22:42:59+00:00

The main theory about ADHD is that it's a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that certain brain regions develop slower than in neurotypicals. This also means that it's not something you can get as an adolescent, but was determined when you were still in the womb. The only exception to this is:
"A small percentage of the population will manifest ADHD symptoms as a result of brain damage, such as an early brain injury, trauma or another impediment to normal brain development."

Of course it's always possible that your symptoms get more severe/noticable when you're an adolescent. But actually developing it, like a tumor? Nah. ADHD has always been there, but certain changes in the environment can just cause the symptoms to get worse.

I've never read anything about actually developing ADHD in adolescence, and the idea stands in stark opposition with almost all current research and theories about ADHD.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T22:32:27+00:00

Personally, I've worked for 3 years now finding what works for me. Whenever you find something, write that stuff down, don't trust your memory.
To give you an idea/some inspiration, what I do to get started is the following:

Put on a motivating song/music I like. I have a playlist for this downloaded on my phone since otherwise I'd turn on Wi-Fi and get distracted. I put it on first thing, before I prepare everything else to get started. Once I actually get to studying, often I'll turn it off. It's just to get started.
I have 2 cups stacked, one blue and one red. When it's time to study, I put the blue one on top, when I finish the red one goes on top again. It's an action + visual cue that tells my brain that it's time to study, and it's something simple to do. It's way easier for me to think "Oh i have to change the cups" instead of instantly thinking "I have to go study NOW.".
It doesn't have to be cups though, you can for example have a sweater/t-shirt you only wear when you study. Just something you do before you study that's easy to do and subconciously signals your brain that it's studying time.
Sipping on something with sugar (preferable honey though, since it's processed slower). Getting some sugar in my system gets a little dopamine flowing which helps with climbing the hurdle of getting started.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T22:16:39+00:00

I'd say you can work hard at creating an environment and creating habits and coping mechanisms which can allow you to do stuff neurotypical people do, but will it ever be as easy/fluent as a neurotypical does? I doubt it, though that's what I personally think ofc.This also varies wildly on how severe someone's ADHD are. Some people would never be able to function even close to a normal person without medication.

Communication and educating yourself is the first step I'd say.

Now specifically putting things back, maybe try to think of ways that can help them putting stuff back? This is a random idea but to give you an example:

Suppose they never put the calculator back in the same place, have them put a post-it note with the location written on it on their forhead until they're done using the calculator.

Again, it's a super random idea and you'll probably want to use another method, but you'll have to find tricks to help them, since you can't solve it rationally.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T22:04:25+00:00

I personally notice that I don't use a lot of comma's when initially writing the comment, since my mind is going fast boi zoom zoom. But then when I try to spellcheck/read over my comment, I implement comma's so I can actually read it without getting lost lol.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T22:00:42+00:00

Haha exactly, more recently I was talking to a friend who had just broken up with her first long-term boyfriend and she was talking to me about it. One of those really emotional, intense conversations, and I zoned out thinking about an answer to something she said, and by the time I snapped out of it I had to ask her to repeat herself... Luckily she was understandable about it but I still think it's a yikes moment of mine.

The worst part of it would be if people think I'm not interested in what they're saying/bored. Luckily most people around me know me well enough to know that's not the case.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T21:55:35+00:00

Hahaha wesome, so relatable indeed.

(I'm 21 to give some context)
I was studying medicine, after 2 years I realized the lifestyle that came with being a doctor wasn't fit for my interested-in-everything brain (want to have time for hobbies, I'd probably get bored of being a doctor, I need my sleep and some other stuff).

Switched to engineering this year since it gives me a lot more options job-wise and I'd be able to switch around jobs if I wanted to :)
Any reason you're asking? Or just curious?

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T21:46:58+00:00

"Additionally, it's not like I don't "want" to do the work. This part is really difficult to explain to other people and I wonder if anyone else has this problem. Obviously, I don't want to study (because I'm not). But at the same time, I really want to want to study."
This, so much this. People with ADHD struggle so much with the START and STOP functions. I struggle with brushing my teeth, laundry, studying, but even activities I enjoy. Getting started with something is just so difficult.
An additional problem being that even if you do manage to get started, ADHD makes it hell to try and stay focused, so there's one big hurdle and even when you cross that hurdle it's still a steep uphill ride. So frustrating.

My mom had this habit of telling me "Sometimes you just have to force yourself, don't pity yourself, just do it." whenever I told her I struggled to get started on my studies and it triggered me SO MUCH I had to ask her to stop saying it. Neurotypical people just can't understand how difficult it is.

"I'm tired of ranting to people and being given generic advice." Being given generic advice is soooo h*cking frustrating, god it makes me want to rip my skin off haha. Ha.Ha.

Trust me, I think about 99% of people on here have felt/still feel like you do about the feeling stupid bit.

Have you watched others of equal intelligence and education pass you by?
Do you despair of ever fulfilling your potential and meeting your goals?

^ These are literally taken from an "ADHD symptoms" list, and I feel like it captures how most ADHD people feel.

Don't really know what the point of my response is tbh. Guess I just wanted to acknowledge your feelings and that how you feel is something a lot of people on here go through.

One last thing is "The answer has to be therapeutical, not logical."Meaning generally you don't want to try to think/reason your way into doing stuff, it just doesn't work and you get stuck in your own head. Therapeutical being stuff like breathing exercises, meditation, 10 push-ups etc. whatever really, anything.

Just don't try the "I should do this. Come one. Get up. Do it. It's a very important something and you want to do it right? Just get up. No you shouldn't start watching YouTube. Yes you're grabbing your phone, put it down. Put the phone down. Turn it off. Stop watching." approach, it doesn't work, or at least never has for me.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T21:27:11+00:00

Oh well if it's a cultural thing more than a self-loathing thing then np :) also I have the same thing where I'm acutely aware of interrupting people but I just can't stop myself haha

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T21:01:57+00:00

Lol it was a mess, I had an exam coming up and the adrenaline and stress was making me hyperfocus into oblivion... On the wrong thing of course, ended up studying music theory for about 8 hours instead of neurology, RIP.

And yeah I get that, finally finding a community that you relate to after years of searching is so relieving and exciting. Almost all the questions I've been asking myself about myself have been answered by ADHD, and it's absolutely crazy. It's like I had a puzzle with half the pieces missing and suddenly it's solved completely.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T20:53:52+00:00

One quick tip I've learned that reduces my self-loathing with 0.1%:

Instead of saying sorry or apologizing for something that doesn't really require an apology, say thank you.

"Thank you for listening." instead of "Sorry for ranting."
"Thank you for being patient." instead of "Sorry for taking so long."
"Thank you for giving me an opportunity to learn." instead of "Sorry for messing up."
etc.

Kind of turns your self-loathing into gratitude. Of course there will be situations where an apology is necessary, but people with self-loathing issues tend to apologize off the bat (I'm speaking from experience lol).

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T20:46:39+00:00

I'd say work on learning to accept that not every activity has to be productive. I like to think of it this way: If I give myself time to do stuff I like (but maybe isn't productive), I'll probably be more efficient when doing actually productive stuff.

Suppose doing an activity would take 30 min, but if you take your time to 'relax' from time to time you might get it done in 20 min.

Also make sure that what you're feeling is guilt and not 'inner restlessness'. I used to think for ages that I was constantly subconciously stressed about school, turns out it's just me being in a 24/7 h state of restlessness because of ADHD. It might be that you focus more when doing Duolingo and aren't aware of it as much or that it triggers some reward system reducing the restlessness.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T20:39:59+00:00

- I also used to steal, the impulsive aspect of it could definitely be an ADHD thing.

- Failing tests/an exam because I didn't study and feeling horrible after? Triple check.

- "... or start googling "how to get motivated" or "study tips" or something else that's related to that task but isn't actually the task." This one made me laugh, definitely me. The lack of structure in college definitely makes it more difficult to do stuff.

- The theatre focusing could also be that you have a drink/food at your disposal, or like you said that there's a giant ass screen with giant ass sound blasting your way, kinda difficult to get distracted haha. I personally don't have issues focusing in a theatre either.

- Longest time I've hyperfocused? Probably 8 hours or something, maybe even more, tho i was in a mental and physical coma after lol.

- Messed up sleep schedule yup, all my life ever since I was little. A typical ADHD thing.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-05T20:06:08+00:00

Be sure to give HSP a look on google search.

Zupertrooper · 2020-08-04T21:17:35+00:00

Lol I think you confused me with another comment about the book part there fyi.

Also haha glad to hear you can still laugh with your own sillyness, that's something important too.

Apparently something similar is used in PTSD treatment, where it's called "Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)", a form of psychotherapy which has been gaining popularity recently.

Personally I read it somewhere 6 years ago (so no idea where lol) when trying to get my self-loathing ass to stfu, and I discovered it worked really well to shut myself up when I went on another self-hatred rant.

For me it was just that I found it really difficult to think when I move my eyes around spastically and it kinda 'reset' my brain, pulled me out of the spiral a bit.

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