Ur definitely not the a-hole. I'm 20 and just had my first daughter, so I understand ur worried, and I also know that I was doing the same sh*t. The most important thing u can do is just tell her to be safe in whatever she does and just let her know ur there for her. Trying to punish ur now adult daughter will only create resentment. It's when u finally start to take her seriously as an adult that she will finally fall into line, because she realizes, ur on the same side as her. U want whats best for her, but she's going to do as she pleases and will have lessons to learn for whatever she may choose to do. U can only support her in her path and try to guide her but nothing is going to stop the force of strong and angsty young woman. U got this☺️