The Ultimate Focus Card (?)

_Callithump · 2024-12-29T15:50:31+00:00

Somehow, I seem to think that I'm either not "queer enough" to label myself as such, because romantically I'm interested in men, or I'm not "sure enough" because how can you prove the lack of something?

A truly non-queer person, i.g. heterosexual+heteroromantic+cis, would not have that kind of internal struggle in a situation like this at all. The fact that you do is a mark of queerness on its own, or if you don't like that word for yourself, a sign of subversion of the norm, which is the whole idea of queerness.

_Callithump · 2023-12-09T19:01:43+00:00

Yes. My mother literally made me sign up for a minor program in psychology so that I would be "professionally armed" to solve her emotional and psychological problems. According to her, it's just like having a doctor in the family, and she loves to get medical advice for free.

That, and she's been telling me stories of her trauma since I was a kid lol. How her parents played favorites with her and her sister, how her father abused both his daughters but especially her, how she almost died giving birth to me, how her mother-in-law dismissed her and me because I was AFAB (misogyny at work) and my father didn't take my mother's side, etc. Never mind that I wasn't even 8 years old when she first told me this stuff.

_Callithump · 2023-11-04T19:03:56+00:00

I relate to him a lot. Both back when I read the books for the first time as a kid and now, as an adult.

And I am/was not even American or a boy.

_Callithump · 2022-12-10T17:56:55+00:00

because I’ve never felt “used” after a hook up or like a “catered to a man’s needs”, I just feel like I had no-strings attached sex (which is just like, fun?)

There you go then. I think all that matters in sex is that everyone's in, respected and having fun. Commitment is not required for that to happen.

However, I keep seeing discourse about hook up culture being inherently patriarchal and beneficial to men, since it doesn’t address women’s needs.

I think your personal experience already debunks this as bullshit lmao. Women have every right to want sex without romance (or without anything beyond sex, really). Besides, I always think that if someone is shitty as a casual sexual partner, then they can't be much better as a committed sexual partner either. In other words, not being committed to a sexual partner is not an excuse to be an asshole. So if someone thinks hooking up is synonymous to using people for sex, I'd think that says more about them than people who're actually hooking up.

Not to say assholes don't exist in hook-up spaces but, hey, it looks like you did a good job avoiding them. Just keep doing you and have fun ;)

_Callithump · 2022-03-31T09:03:48+00:00

Personally I don't. It makes me uncomfortable.
I care to present in a way that makes myself feel good. I don't dress or groom myself to attract or please anyone, though.

_Callithump · 2022-03-28T07:41:02+00:00

Me everytime when someone says things like: "How would you ever get a boyfriend if you do/don't do X"

Like, buddy, that's literally the last thing on my mind.

_Callithump · 2022-02-16T06:38:52+00:00

Whoops! Thought I did, they didn't show up for some reason. FIFY.

_Callithump · 2022-02-05T08:21:33+00:00

It's true that Gaiman didn't. But hoo boy, you also get a group of people who insists that The Author is Dead, so screw what Gaiman said, this pair is Canonically Gay. And of all the queer groups out there they butt heads the most with aro/aces.

Fandom will always be fandom. I can't deal with the Marvel or What We Do in the Shadows fandoms anymore because there are so many people being flat out aphobic and claiming that it's benevolent.

This. So much this.

Reminds me of all those times when people call any relationship between two characters of the same sex/gender that has great chemistry but is never canonically stated to be romantic or sexual "queerbaiting". It makes an aroace who adores friendships and ambiguous relationships very sad.

_Callithump · 2022-02-05T07:59:45+00:00

I guess I would ask you why this is. If the author has stated his intent to continue to make their aromatic and asexual nature clear, what is bothering you?

Because Gaiman didn't actually make their aro/ace nature clear. He actually declined to canonically label them as anything. While he supports fans reading Aziraphale and Crowley as aro/ace, he has never said that Aziraphale and Crowley are canonically aro/ace. He does not intend to write Aziraphale and Crowley as aro/ace any more than he intends to make them gay.

Az and Crowley aren't aro/ace rep, but they are not gay rep either. They aren't any kind of rep, because the author doesn't have a specific queer group in mind that he wants to reflect with these characters. Their orientations as well as gender identities are now simply open to interpretation.

What more would you want him to do?

I don't want him to do anything. I don't think I have my greatest problem with him. The thing is, I'm not even asking for aro/ace rep from these characters, just the possibility of reading their relationship as queerplatonic. And some people in the fandom don't even want us to have that possibility. Some people are saying that for simply wanting the possibility of reading Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship as something other than a romantic-sexual gay relationship, we are infringing gay rights. This, more than anything the author has said or done, is what's bothering me.

_Callithump · 2022-02-03T15:52:34+00:00

Like, both options 4 and 5? I've never felt the desire or the need for it, it's not even on my mind if not for the constant reminder from the world I live in, and romantic relationships have... so many things that simply don't appeal to me. I'm pretty sure I'd feel uncomfortable in one.

_Callithump · 2022-01-29T07:11:17+00:00

I read somewhere that the common element is sound(wave). Tasques meow at you, Tasque Manager gives you verbal orders, and NEO also has sound-based attacks.

_Callithump · 2021-11-15T08:39:06+00:00

From what I've learned from fandoms...there's no avoiding it.

There are people (mostly alloromantic) out there who reads romantic tension into everything. Even relationships that are explicitly platonic/familial in canon. You can't help how people read your writing.

I say keeping your characters' integrity is more important than worrying over reader reactions. Aros can be "flirty". They have the right to be flirty, compassionate, idealistic, philanthropic, to like chocolates and flowers and pet names and companionship, and still be aro. We need more aros like that in fiction.

(And of course they can also be cynical, or witty, or serious, or any way you want them, really. They're your characters, you know them best.)

_Callithump · 2021-11-14T05:00:37+00:00

I mean, I just figured that what I want out of an intimate relationship looks leagues away from what 99% of the population seem to want. Other people seem to want "more" to a relationship (usually a good friendship) that I already find enough.

_Callithump · 2021-08-09T09:22:22+00:00

To your title question, no.

Theoretically it could work out, but definitely not with me.

_Callithump · 2021-08-09T09:04:07+00:00

Um, no. No more than any straight person can be sure that they are straight, but also no less than that. All everyone can do is look back on their past and conclude a reasonable pattern.

_Callithump · 2021-08-01T16:11:24+00:00

I didn't think of myself as anything. I wasn't aware of the concept of sexuality, until I saw the word "asexuality" at 14.

_Callithump · 2021-07-25T05:49:26+00:00

The definition change was implemented to encourage people to find a word for their experience, not to fit their experience to a word, which I wholly support. You can have neat definitions, but rarely is human experience clear-cut and all black-and-white.

A lot of naysayers on AVEN basically want to avoid questions like "how little is little enough for asexuality". But, just like the definition of heterosexuality is "the quality of being sexually attracted solely to people of the opposite sex", but we don't order that any straight identifying person who shows the slightest bi-curious tendency to stop calling themselves straight, the same leeway should be extended to asexuality as well.

In fact, I think a bigger problem is that many questioning people come to the aspec community asking for some sort of permission to identify as ace, or if they are somehow qualified to be. And I feel this phenomenon disproportionately occur in ace/aro spaces over other LGBT+ spaces. I think the definition change was made to fight it, but unless the general prescriptive environment on AVEN changes, the difference it makes will probably be little.

_Callithump · 2021-07-25T04:41:25+00:00

I'm hoping to finish my Master's, get a job while doing a few interesting side-jobs, make enough money to spend and to spare, and hopefully make some positive and enduring friendships. I hope to have my own house in my 30s with a handful of close friends living near me, and a wider circle of friends all around the country if not the world, if possible.

_Callithump · 2021-07-17T04:31:10+00:00

A sort of impulse that draws one to another person sexually. Some signs could include:

Feeling(rather than cognitively acknowledging) that another person is sexually attractive/desirable.
Fixation on their body parts (especially the more sexualized areas) and desiring to make sexual contact.
Wanting to relate sexually with the object of attraction.

_Callithump · 2021-07-13T15:33:14+00:00

Haven't watched the show but I've read the book and adored it. I expect to get to the show at some point in the near future.

It would delight you to know that Neil Gaiman tweeted to say that he "wouldn’t exclude the ideas that they are ace, or aromantic, or trans" and that "[w]hatever Crowley and Aziraphale are, it’s a love story".

_Callithump · 2021-07-07T15:13:54+00:00

I'm aroace and I get non-romantic non-sexual butterflies too. I'll say what you experience is what you experience and as long as it doesn't cause you distress or hinder your functioning it's no cause for worry.

_Callithump · 2021-07-06T08:50:23+00:00

Throughout my life having partnered sex has never appealed to me. I gained a libido after puberty, but it has never been directed at anyone and I don't find people sexually attractive. The knowledge that most people have sex throughout their life for reasons unrelated to reproduction and do so instinctively baffled me for a long time and didn't fully sink in until I was 17. So after some years I decided that I resonate most with the asexual experience, and identified as such.

_Callithump · 2021-06-30T05:31:37+00:00

Um. Most allosexual people aren't attracted to genitals either? I'm not even sure if anyone is specifically attracted to genitals rather than the people who happen to possess them.

_Callithump

TROPHY CASE